Daughter getting fat in school

I love eating junk food but even I would struggle to put on 3.5 stone in 4 months! There absolutely must be a medical issue and you're right to go back to the GP. The recent tumour/surgery are surely relevant.

By the way, teens are often prescribed the pill or similar to control heavy periods so get rid of your judgement about an earlier question.

I'm not sure if me posting this will be deleted but I think it's important that everyone investing time in supporting a mum who is blaming school for her daughter's situation and claiming nothing but love and care from home, reads this report of how she deals with her children

"I cut off the Internet, cut off all money, call them once for dinner and if they don't come throw it in the bin. I cancelled all holidays and I never gave phone ( you should have heard the begging, pleading and wailing). If they ignore me, I ignore them. They are beginning to turn round. It's slowly dawning on them how much I do when I don't do it. We don't have a television so they come asking to order books onto their kindles. You simply have to be brutal and go counter to the current culture. Let me tell you that we everyone else they have impeccable manners and are all sweetness and smiles"

I find the last bit somewhat chilling ... it's all about the external impression the kids give. So I would extend that to suggest whether the weight gain is 1lb or 100lb and due to illness, hormones or just a buttered toast habit, this family is all for show. Harsh? Then argue it, OP.

I am usually pretty anti Boarding school but I believe that in a very small number of cases the awful homelife can mean its a better option .

How old is she? How do you know she's gained that much weight? Was she underweight before? Also how do you know there's no chance of pregnancy when you don't live with your daughter?

Really good point and yes in some ways it can be worse as your parents (for whatever reason) have chosen to send you away. So you need to deal with that also.

I think maybe from about 15/16 it’s ok as at that age you start to distance yourself from your parents. But it should always be the child’s choice.

How old is she op? And how heavy was she when you thought her the right weight? Has she hit puberty yet?

I see we’re 14 pages in and the OP has repeatedly ignored questions about her daughter’s age, weight and height. Why is this?

OP also has a very detached way of posting about her daughter. The surgery sounds pretty major. A tumour is always a worry and there is a period of time that you don’t know if it’s benign or not. I’m guessing her daughter had to go through all this whilst being away from home.

The school doctors ar private/ boarding schools are not great. Get proper help for her and investigations done. I’d also be investigating mental and well as physical.

@JunglistRaver Thanks for sharing. Very insightful. I don’t want to derail the thread. But this sounds very like people I’ve worked with who’ve grown up in care.

I’ve always found it interesting that growing up in local authority care is generally recognised as not the best start in life and potentially damaging, however good the children’s home or foster care might be. Yet growing up in the care of a private boarding school isn’t recognised as such.

From a child/young person’s perspective, the effects are surely the same. Being in an institution, rather than a family home in a neighbourhood. Looked after by (initially) strangers paid to do it, rather than family or family friends. Having to sleep in dorms and shared bedrooms instead of having personal space and privacy. Being subject to rules and regulations to (understandably) control such a large number of children. Having to learn to ‘survive’ the peer pressure, cliques and poor behaviour of a large number of others, with little respite.

It seems to me the main difference is the added pressure that your parents are (usually) choosing to put you there and paying a fortune for it. So expect a return on the investment.

OP you’ve ignored my questions about your daughters age, weight and height, where she is in relation to puberty and growth and the nature of her surgery / type tumour removed.

Is she active - has something changed in terms of the amount of exercise she does. What does she say in terms of how she feels about her weight gain and the food she is eating?

But possibly linked to previous surgery? Please don't ever go on a school Dr's opinion again, always get your dc to a GP asap if there's such concerns as this going on.

The home life of the children hasn't always been as happy and loving as OP makes out.

OP says she was sometimes 'brutal' when it came to controlling her teens and punishing them.

It's not beyond the possibility that the D is reacting to what appear to be very draconian measures at home if they misbehave.

For work reasons I lived in a 5 star hotel for 2 months years ago, it was awful after the first 2 weeks.
Luxury doesn't compensate for being raised by people who don't love you but are being paid to instead

If you want to properly moniter here you need her to live with you unless there are very good reasons she can't.
School pastoral care will never equal most parental care

I think Melania90 is saying there's no such thing as weight set point. (There is though).

Boarding schools may well be like 7 star hotels in Dubai. So what? If you sent a child to a 7 star hotel they wouldn't be happy there for long either away from home.

@StormingBurt yes the other ovary should take over.

However studies have found that pre-menopausal women who have an ovary removed have a higher level of adipose / fat tissue than those that have them removed after menopause.
Assuming ofcourse that the other ovary is healthy and hasn't developed a tumour or cyst of its own.

After that history I certainly wouldn't be jumping to - too much free access to the fridge.

she needs to go to a different doctor then the school one, your own GP. Though firstly talk to the consultant who did the tumour op to find out if anything from the aftermath of that, would cause sudden weight gain. Please do this as a matter of urgency as it’s a lot of weight in a short time

It sounds as though your daughter has complex needs that are not currently able to be met at boarding school.

Weight is so sensitive. It's not up to the school to try and implement an intervention here - that's a parental responsibility.

Advantages for you?? How about your daughter!

Can posters please not make this thread about themselves and their weight issues.

3.5st is a lot of weight gain in what I assume in a term or two? Have you had her thyroid checked in case there is an underlying issue that’s not been picked up until now?

I am sure this is a emotional disorder possibly by a parenting style at home.

So there's no possibility it's your fault, it must be the fault of a whole country? Sounds about right.

I am not even saying it's your fault, but absolutely ridiculous to blame a country's attitude to food for a single child's issue with extremely weight gain over a small period. Something is happening with your child. It could be medical, emotional or behavioural. Get medical tests done and talk to her.

I'd be interested to know what she weighs and how tall she is. Its just the words used by the OP are such that it may be a mother issue than an actual weight issue.