H in A&E 300 miles away

Don't do anything and the hospital will have to find him something. If you step in they won't.

I am not furious with his wife at all. She's in a horrible situation, none of it of her own making. What I did say was that I was that I would be angry at not being notified if my brother had been bluelighted to hospital. He must be reasonably close to his brother and sister to travel 250 miles to have a pre-xmas dinner with them. The OP has been notified as the next of kin so I think she should let him family know. That is all.

It may be a 'stupid comment' to you, but I stand by that you are absolutely wrong in being furious at the wife in this situation!
He's buggered off to see the OW, drinking any money he has, doesn't seem to give a fuck about wife and child, which she's managing at home on her own!
This is a shit show of his making.

As the old adage goes, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink."

Personally, I think you should use what resources you have, and put them towards divorce proceedings.

If the hospital call you up about collecting him... "I'm sorry, but I'm 300 miles away with little money and a disabled child. I can't help you. You'll have to call social services. Thank you. Goodbye."

Wow maybe his other woman can go get him.

My friend and teaching colleague Kate died in 2001. Her husband wasn't there: he was on a drinking binge. He had missed the birth of both his children because he went into a pub on the way to the hospital and 'disappeared' each time for several days. She stuck with him because she was a Catholic and wouldn't divorce. His drinking destroyed family finances and they ended up selling their home and living in rental. In her 30s she was found to have an aggressive form of breast cancer and secondaries and died within a year of diagnosis. He spent all his time drunk, meaning that those of us who looked after her and the children also had to deal with his behaviour. He missed her funeral: out of it, sobbing, on the living room sofa at home. Friends and family cared for the children and tried to ensure he was sober when he saw them. Six weeks after Kate died, while he was staying in one of his boozer friends homes, he died of alcoholic poisoning after a major binge. He was in his 50s.

So I'd say act now: change the locks so he can't come home, file for divorce now and tell his family what the problem is. Don't make him your problem alone. Let him pay for transport to the travel lodge in the area where he has support. Let that form part of his debt. There is nothing you can do to help him. He has to help himself. I'd also tell his family. They may want to know and they may be able to offer you some moral support.

I work in this industry, please put yourself and your son first

He sounds an absolute liability. File for divorce asap.

Agree with this but I’d be moving all the money out of his reach seeing as he’s blown his pension pot and is now maxing out credit cards. Where is his financial contribution here ? The last thing OP needs is to be responsible for his debt.

The secretive behaviour could be another woman. OP has posted previously.

They also have a free helpline and you can email them direct
Al-Anon UK | For families & friends of alcoholics

Christ, why are there always people on here that nit pick other people's posts and completely miss the point. I'd want to know if my brother was in hospital, especially if I was only 50 miles away. Worst case scenario, he could die in there and may not be in a state where he could call his family himself. Me being annoyed at not being told this information has absolutely nothing to do with how I would feel about my brother. They are two separate things and nothing to do with 'responsibility removal'. While I'm here having to respond to your stupid comment though I wouldn't be 'fuming' at an alcoholic for having a relapse no. Thankfully I have a much better understanding of the disease than that. I fully support the OP in leaving her DH to it though. There are so many other factors at play here which make living with him untenable.

Only read the page one responses, but I agree with every single one that says leave now, file for divorce, don't let him in your home and move joint cash (although I doubt there is any if he is maxing out a credit card)

He drank, he takes the consequences ALONE

I'm sorry people are being so harsh and calling you an idiot for marrying him. Life is far more complicated than that and it is not helpful at all to you and your situation.

I would contact Al-anon and ask them for advice and as others have said step away. Al-anon are amazing and will understand in a way that other posters here cannot. And they offer brilliant advice.

Don’t pick him up. He has to get up himself.

Take a massive step back. Look at the fact that he's 300 miles away as a gift. Let the hospital he's in deal with him. They can find him accommodation/rehab. You don't need to step in.

Put your son and yourself first. File for a divorce. He is choosing to live a chaotic life. You can choose to live a peaceful life.

I know this must be incredibly hard for you OP, but it's time to walk away. No one will judge you for walking away.

What is the secretive behaviour? Is that the drinking or something else?

I think I'd leave him to it. It would be a nightmare for you to help him anyway, given the logistics and also your limited income. You say the marriage is over, so let it be over. He's beyond any kind of help you'd be able to give anyway, so I think I'd leave him to public health services at this point and focus on your DS. This man is a liability. I think I'd look into formal separation asap. You really don't want to be responsible for him. I would notify his DSis as to what has happened. Family have a right to know IMO.

I think that the siblings should know too but I don’t think he was with when he relapsed. OP says they are not local to where he is now and that he went away to see them and do other secretive things so I assume he is in the town where his mistress lives. Either way, they should know the full story and make their own decisions regarding the help they are willing to offer him.

He's having an affair. He's blowing through money like water on his alcoholism. File for divorce OP and move half of any money in joint accounts to somewhere he can't access. Let his dirty bit on the side look after him. Wash your hands of him and focus on yourself and your son.

You wouldn't be fuming at him for his actions? More responsibility removal?

Really?
This marriage happened a year ago . He had previously been an alcoholic .

Im not here to make OP feel shit so I won’t be responding to any more nonsense comments like this .

Leave him to it. As the ex-wife of an alcoholic I can tell you whatever you do will be wrong, so take the path of least resistance and leave him to it.

I would not be driving 7 hours today for anything, given the wind and the people who will be on the road making no allowance for it (and any fallen trees/other things).

Definitely tell his brother.

You are not in a position to help and shouldn't feel guilty about this, BUT, you definitely need to tell his brother and sister that his trip to see them has ended in a hospital admission. They are his family and closer by to help him. I'd let them know the situation, that you can no longer help him and let them make their own decisions. I'd be furious if my sil didn't inform me my brother was so ill and in hospital.