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Original poster

Putting our baby into nursery at 12 - 13 months. Attachment style outcomes??

181 replies

LeeJames1 · 24/11/2024 03:10

Our baby is due to go into nursery 2 non consecutive days per week missing a day in between). He already shows signs of dislike and can cry a so much that they call us to come collect.
It’s a lovely Montessori one.
i guess I’d love to see some research on long term attachment styles of those who were put in nurseries early in life. Obviously there’s a lot of factors such as emotional availability of the parent and how much time was spent together away from nursery.
We’re very gentle kind loving praising parents and would never speak harshly to our baby. We understand why love matters from book to being. I understand attachment theory deeply as I’m also a child therapist. But this is my child and all that goes out the window when it comes to my own.

Any ideas?

OP posts:
andIsaid · 24/11/2024 04:33

halloumidippers · 24/11/2024 03:16

I'm not a professional like you but I'd say if a child can't cope with a gentle Montessori type setting 2 days a week at the age of 1, it's probably because they've been overly attached to the parent in the first year and not used to other adults. You might have to stick this one out else face the same issue when starting preschool. Else, maybe try a childminder a day a week; moving on to a nursery setting in a few months?

Is a one year old a child or a baby?

Why would we assume a baby crying for it's mother is overly attached, and not simply in need of said mother?

Why prep a baby for starting preschool in a few years time? I mean, at that rate she what - starts toilet training and reading /writing in the few months?

Babies, as we know, only communicate through laughter, smiles, and crying. Simple and effective. They know their needs for the most part, and ask for them.

The question is, are you willing to listen op?

Noodlesnotstrudels · 24/11/2024 04:17

I've not studied any attachment theory but my DD1 was in nursery from 10months as I had no choice to go back to work and she settled much MUCH better when we moved to consecutive days. I feel like when there was a gap between sessions, she never really got into the swing of nursery? It was all too disjointed for her.

JMSA · 24/11/2024 04:16

He'll be fine. I'm guessing your parenting is quite intense - not a criticism - so of course this change is going to take a bit of getting used to (for you all!). Give it time Smile

EveningSpread · 24/11/2024 03:33

I don’t really get the question. If you understand attachment theory, and know your child’s behaviour and responses, surely you should be able to see what’s happening? And different children can respond differently to similar circumstances, so research on what happens to 1 year olds who go to nursery is only going to be useful to a degree. And will probably tell you there are lots of other factors in play: home life, early experiences, individual personality, etc.

Fact is if he needs to be in nursery 2 days a week so you can work, perhaps it’s best not to stress about all the possible effects on his attachment, and just focus on helping him to settle there?

Children do need to learn to be comfortable away from their parents eventually. Lots of people have to use childcare more and earlier than this.

whereilived · 24/11/2024 03:21

I started my DD at nursery aged 11.5 months for three days a week.

For the first month, drop offs were horrific and I’d be driving to work in tears and googling work from home jobs, considering being a SAHM, all sorts.

She is fine now and has been fine for the best part of four months, it just took a bit of time, I haven’t read the book you reference but honestly there are a lot of opinionated books out there that are actually no more than someone’s opinion but which like to pile guilt on.

I believe we do have to take a long term view and not just the immediate interests into account. For most of us, working provides long term security for the child so that is part of that.

halloumidippers · 24/11/2024 03:16

I'm not a professional like you but I'd say if a child can't cope with a gentle Montessori type setting 2 days a week at the age of 1, it's probably because they've been overly attached to the parent in the first year and not used to other adults. You might have to stick this one out else face the same issue when starting preschool. Else, maybe try a childminder a day a week; moving on to a nursery setting in a few months?