Putting our baby into nursery at 12 - 13 months. Attachment style outcomes??

@TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis that's a very insightful, sensible post. At the end of the day, we as parents know our own babies best, and as long as we are raising them into well adjusted, secure adults, then there is a whole spectrum of ways in which that can happen.

If there was conclusive data that showed one way is best (or that one way is harmful) then we'd know it by now!

Indeed. It's difficult to see why a childminder wouldn't be a preferred option in this case.

Not quite attachment related, but I was part of an early years project which produced significant qualitative data about the impact of grandparent care. The gist of it was that children coming from grandparent's care to school settings were socialised to be less physically competent and mature (i.e. less outdoor play, less exploratory play, less messy play etc due to either opinions or physical limits of carers). This affected their current level of development, and could be a predictive factor in future development.

Now, this anecdata wasn't taken further as far as I know (no appetite for it!) - but it is an example of how little understood and how contextual child development studies are. There's no way you can anticipate all of the possible influences on a baby and predict the unpredictable. You can only look at the baby in front of you and decide what works best for you and them.

For our son, we were happy with nursery, because whenever we have taken him out and about, he's always wanted to hare off by himself. Our nursery has a huge outdoor space dedicated and free access for under twos. He only seems to want an "attachment" as such every so often, and is also task-oriented - so he follows around whichever nursery staff member is doing chores and copies/"helps".

Incidentally part of the reason we don't want my MIL to do weekly childcare for our son is because she doesn't let him play normally. She's always trying to get him to sit down, and sit still, and stop him doing perfectly safe activities.

I agree with @SerenityNowSerenityNow. Few psychological models or theories are perfect or universally applicable

A concept like attachment is extremely hard to study anyway. There are so, so many variables. Maybe there are some longitudinal studies out there that consider attachment patterns? I'm not sure.

I agree with the above, I suggested using a childminder earlier. I used one in a lovely home nearby and my daughter has very Secure attachment ! She is 9 now, and a very happy, confident and secure child.

She went 5 days per week from 14 months (for what it’s worth). Full time 9am-6pm. She loved her childminder and was super happy there, no tears. (Except first couple of weeks settling in but we did a long slow settling in period).

@LeeJames1 what's driving you to choose a nursery setting?

I don't personally believe two days of childcare is going to damage a secure attachment.

But, nursery is the least good environment for a baby in terms of attachment. It's hard for a baby to find the replacement attachment figure there to bond with while separated from parents - they need to accept many different adults, some unfamiliar, providing feeding and care etc The 'key person' is going to be having lunch breaks, meetings, covering other rooms so there will be lots of separations during the day.

Again, most babies with secure attachments and robust personalities will cope fine with this, but I am surprised that someone who holds attachment as such a priority wouldn't choose a nanny or childminder?

Attachment theory has been subject to a critical reappraisal in recent years in light of improved understanding of brain plasticity. Have a look at the latest research.

Not everyone thinks Bowlby was spot on or brilliant, no. The idea that there are no more than four attachment styles is pretty much relegated to pop psychology quizzes on Bored Panda these days. But if all you've had is the cursory introduction to theory that a college counselling course provides, then I guess the narrow lens can't be helped.

Is that aimed at me? 🤷🏼‍♀️

No model is perfect.

There are a number of flaws in Bowlby's research and analysis. As part of your training you should have been taught to be critical of all research in order to fully understand its uses and limitations.

My eldest is 22. I spent every second of that boys life with him, co slept, wouldn’t hear of nursery, he was with me solidly until he went to reception at 5.

My friend had a baby at the same time.she went back to work full time when he was 6 months, he was in nursery 9 hours a day from then on.

Oh, how awful I thought she was! (I was a massive dickheead who acted like I invented parenting, honestly, I was such a prick).

22 years on, do you honestly think you can tell who was superglued to their mother for 5 years and which one was at nursery from 6 months? Like fuck you can.

if anything, my son is the ungrateful twat out of the two.

If it makes you feel any better OP, I wasn’t put into nursery until I was 4. I have an avoidant attachment style, would rather walk barefoot across a frozen Siberian tundra than have to speak to my mother, and given the option would spend 100% of my time cuddling my cat.

OP, if you want to reply directly to posts, you need to use "Quote" not "Add reply".

i guess I’d love to see some research on long term attachment styles of those who were put in nurseries early in life.

Why not look some up? As a child therapist surely you know how to search for such studies? Why are you asking Mumsnet?

Just do as many over laps and short sessions as you can so that he can form some attachment relationship with the staff while you're there too before he's there alone