DH pancreatic lesion with symptoms

Honestly if it is pancreatic cancer and he’s been unwell for a while he may wish to take the holiday and enjoy what he can while he can.

I hope it’s not obviously !

Pancreatic Cancer is a very different beast to other cancers and by the time it has been picked it up it has often already spread or moved past the point of being treatable. It will also depend on whether this is the primary cancer or secondary. Or something entirely unrelated.

As a couple you need to make the decision whether a quality holiday together is important before heading into what could be a very challenging process.

Honestly, I don't know what I would do in your situation but there is no right or wrong answer. Wishing you all the best in the world. Hold him tight and tell him you love him.

Surely there is a realistic likelihood of the consultant surgeon who has scheduled this urgent appointment wanting to admit him for surgery then and there? Can't do that over the telephone or while on holiday.

Glad he's decided to ask for a telephone appointment. My DH had to do his 2nd cancer appointment with me on holiday (so grading appointment) on a three way call with me as they moved so fast.

He's probably scared, worried, has known for a while it's something bad and wants to just put it to the back or his mind for a few days and enjoy the calm before the inevitable storm ahead. I dont blame him and would probably do the same. Steel yourself ready for the appointments upcoming but for now respect his wishes and enjoy your holiday together.

I would be telling him firmly, that although he is an adult and it is his choice, and that he wants to enjoy his holiday, as his wife I absolutely will not enjoy this holiday if he delays this appointment. Personally I would refuse to go on the holiday.

Honestly a few days with pancreatic cancer (if that is what it is, hopefully not!) absolutely could make a difference. There is absolutely no chance I would allow my DH to miss this appointment. Speaking as a ICU nurse specialist in the national pancreatic hospital.

It’s very bold of him to assume he can just get another appointment a few days later. This isn’t private healthcare. If you shun the appointment you’re given, it may delay things by a week +. Not ideal if it’s cancer with a view to surgery. Surgery may not be an option the longer it’s left.

Well you can’t make him go. He’s an adult. I just would want assurance he understand the decision he is making.

This isn’t breast or prostate cancer. Pancreatic cancer is a bastard and days do matter

Op, just wondering if you could phone Monday and ask for a telephone appointment for Tuesday?

Totally agree! My DF knew there was something wrong but kept putting off going to the drs. He left it too late and passed from esophageal cancer 11 months after diagnosis!
OP I would get him to call first thing Monday morning.If an appointment can be rearranged for very soon then continue your break. If he’s going to have to wait too long then I would insist on going home for the appointment on Tuesday.

Mm that's kinda my thoughts, especially when a lot are unfortunately inoperable.

I'm sorry

Given the speed of referral and follow-up appointment I think he'd be a fool to delay the appointment, but he's an adult with agency and if he's determined to rearrange it, there probably isn't much you can do.

Let him call tomorrow and see what they say. They may impress upon him the importance of attending on Tues, otherwise if they can rearrange quickly once you're back then that may have to suffice. Given the glacial speed of the NHS normally, I'm afraid I'd take the speed that this appointment has been arranged as an ill omen.

If you can easily get home in 4 hours, can you compromise by going to the appointment and then potentially returning to your holiday? (Although I imagine that will be hard to do mentally if it's bad news)

I agree with everyone saying pancreatic cancer moves fast BUT in my experience, that’s why I’d take the holiday. Once that train builds up steam there are no more opportunities.

(It is my parents’ deep regret that they didn’t go while they could, and they cancelled a planned trip to start treatment. They knew from the word “pancreatic” that it would be fatal for mum but not ultimately how little time they’d have.)

edited in case that sounds scary or fearmongering: it was of course a totally different scenario from the OP’s DH as my mum had already had scans showing a large number of lesions on 2, possibly 3 organs; it really was bad from day 1.

Pancreatic cancer moves really fast, so if the hospital team are moving fast, then it is for a reason.
Every day counts for this kind of cancer

And get on to talking about POA, Wills, funeral song choices.

I lost a very dear aunt in just a few weeks to this horrible cancer, she moved fast cos that was what was advised

If you can be home in 4 hours I'd wait till Monday and he can call then. The clinic should be able to tell him if he absolutely needs to cut his holiday short or not, maybe a telehealth appointment will be an option. I'd be worried too with the quick turn around and I'd rather know as soon as I could, but not everyone would. He may be in a sort of shock and not wanting to engage and make this real. It's a lot for you both to suddenly be dealing with, I wish you all the best and I hope the quick turnaround is just them being thorough and proactive.

OP Your husband may also be in denial atm, returning from the holiday, attending the appointment also means having to face possibly receiving news he doesn’t want to hear. It’s scary. If he stays on the holiday he can almost pretend it isn’t happening.

I am aware breast cancer is very different to pancreatic but as a mum to 3 very young children I know I felt my world had been pulled out from under me and the fear was overwhelming.

I wish you both the best.

Do you live in the UK its hard to tell? Are you private health care? They may be able to give you a better idea of what it shows on the phone and how quickly they want you back. Do you know what they're suspecting? They'll be able to tell you the next clinic slots, they may even be able to do the preplanned appt on our equivalent of teams if you'd want or at least tell you whether urgent future scans are needee. How long is the holiday?

At the end of the day it's his choice and I don't think you can nor should try to override that. Tbh even as an a anaesthetist for pancreatic cancer I'd be leaning towards the same decision personally

DH had a highly aggressive cancer. Having been consumed with a sense of urgency from the first suspicious symptom, I think the medical team are in the best position to bring him in now if that is indeed necessary. Their input will carry more weight

However as @mindutopia says, the first appt will likely be informational, and probably the consultant can start planning now anyway. If time isn’t really being lost then DH is right. Your family needs this break.

(BTW there are 2 main families of pancreatic cancers, one aggressive and one markedly less so. Also DH has been doing well since his initial treatment. He has passed the key milestone. But there were a couple of points along the way where it was clear that his team were moving as fast as possible. So I think your DH really needs to know whether time will be lost in his absence)

Best wishes to your family

Hopefully if it's urgent and time-critical they will try and insist on him attending.
You have to tread a fine line here if he's digging his heels in, but if it's possible pancreatic cancer I agree with you, he should return.
What time is the appointment on Tuesday and what's the latest you can realistically leave from where you are in order for him to get there?