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Original poster

To have been depressed after my wedding?!

62 replies

FluentDog · 23/11/2024 23:11

So today is our 3 year anniversary. Very happily married and we now have a baby. But I can’t help and think back to our wedding day and how much of a let down it was. I feel like growing up girls are given this idea that their wedding day will be the best day of their lives but honestly I couldn’t wait for the day to be over! I felt really on edge like all these people were here for us I felt the need to entertain them make sure they had drinks and I was constantly worried people were bored. I remember sitting at the top table after finishing our food thinking right do we need to go and make our way through the tables now and speak to everyone or do we stay here and they come to us? This was my mind the whole day just questioning what I should be doing, I don’t think I was relaxed at any point during the whole thing. A few guests left around 8pm which in my mind meant that yes everyone is definitely bored and wants to go home! After the wedding finished I was really quite depressed for a few days because I felt like something was wrong with me, everyone else loves their wedding day but why didn’t I?! Even now I still can’t watch our wedding video.. despite the day not being what I thought it would be we are happily married and all is well but I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same on their day or is it just me?

OP posts:
Original poster
FluentDog · 23/11/2024 23:30

Fupoffyagrasshole · 23/11/2024 23:24

I enjoyed mine but only because we stood our ground and did exactly what we wanted despite upset parents (no church, keeping it small, mostly just a big party with really good music and we didn’t invite all our cousins who we aren’t close with which caused outrage with husbands mum) not very traditional etc..

so the lead up was very stressful and we nearly caved a few times so yes was a relief all that was finished with when it was over

but it did mean we had what we wanted for the day and it was enjoyable

did you do what you wanted or was it more done how your parents wanted it?

I will say though I’ve had amazing nights out and been to cool stuff since my wedding which were just as good if not better - deffo don’t think your wedding is best day ever

that’s good you stood your ground and I’m glad you enjoyed your day! Honestly our wedding was completely planned by us and it was everything I thought I would have wanted but on the day it just wasn’t at all! If I could go back now and we were to get married again I would do something much much smaller. I’d probably do a summer wedding at a registry office and then back to ours for a bbq or something and only close friends and family rather than every Tom dick and harry haha

OP posts:
XWKD · 23/11/2024 23:27

A lot of people just want to get their wedding over. It's seems like a lot of stress.

Oopsadaisysgranny · 23/11/2024 23:27

Once my husband to be turned up I was happy ! We decided to have a small wedding at home with just my parents my brothersfew friends and my biil and sil! So tiny it was lovely no stress and that why we decided to do it that way . A big wedding would mentally have been too much for me . Put it behind you now and focus on your lovely life

DillyDallyingAllDay · 23/11/2024 23:25

Would be far worse to have had a brilliant wedding/best day of your life type thing and a rubbish marriage following. I think you've got it the right way around.

Also, I think a lot of people aren't honest about how much they've enjoyed their wedding day- think it's drilled into everyone that it's got to be this amazing magical day and when it's not it's a let down and no one wants to admit it.
Also, I was never one of those who dreamed of a fairytale wedding and dreamt it would be the best thing ever and my wedding day was fun; largely because I was super chilled and family sorted most things; but no where close to the best day of my life.

Fupoffyagrasshole · 23/11/2024 23:24

I enjoyed mine but only because we stood our ground and did exactly what we wanted despite upset parents (no church, keeping it small, mostly just a big party with really good music and we didn’t invite all our cousins who we aren’t close with which caused outrage with husbands mum) not very traditional etc..

so the lead up was very stressful and we nearly caved a few times so yes was a relief all that was finished with when it was over

but it did mean we had what we wanted for the day and it was enjoyable

did you do what you wanted or was it more done how your parents wanted it?

I will say though I’ve had amazing nights out and been to cool stuff since my wedding which were just as good if not better - deffo don’t think your wedding is best day ever

Radionowhere · 23/11/2024 23:23

I hear you OP. I never wanted a big church wedding, did it to keep the peace with my mother in law. I wouldn't say I enjoyed the day either, like you I was was anxious and overthinking. I'm completely at peace with that now. I'm an introvert and I don't enjoy being centre stage. That's ok.

Original poster
FluentDog · 23/11/2024 23:23

Yellowflowerr · 23/11/2024 23:16

Kindly, I think you need to stop dwelling on it and focus on the positives. It was three years ago and is only one day - you’ve had many, many more days since then! You say you are very happily married so why is this one day still playing on your mind so much?

It doesn’t it’s just because today is our anniversary so obviously you think about your wedding and I just wanted to know if anyone else’s wedding hadn't been what they’d thought. I’m awake with a poorly baby and just wanted some late night discussion it’s not that deep really just interested to hear about other experiences

OP posts:
protectthesmallones · 23/11/2024 23:23

We had our wedding spread over three days. I found it worked.

One day to welcome guests and chill with people who had travelled far. Everyone helped decorate the house.

Next day was the ceremony and buffet.

Last day was a garden party with live music and a food van.

It turned into very relaxed days.

It's hard to fit in everything in what often boils down to 6-8 hours.

Meadowfinch · 23/11/2024 23:20

Everyone else does not enjoy their wedding day. Lots of people are stressed, over-tired, have to deal with warring families and are just thoroughly glad when it's over. Wedding videos are there to convince others everyone had a lovely time.

I think you did rather well.

My sisters have variously eloped, had 4 person registry office weddings or just not got married at all. The thought of trying to get our entire family to agree and enjoy each others' company for a day is horrific.

Is it possible to get married by post yet, or on-line? That sounds much less hassle to me.

Hyperquiet · 23/11/2024 23:18

I had quite a few things upset me on my wedding day so I can't look at the memories either.

SkaneTos · 23/11/2024 23:17

(I am not married, I have never been married.)

I don't think everybody loves their wedding day!

I think it's normal to have big expectations and dreams of the wedding day, and it might be difficult to live up to them?

You got to marry the love of your life, and three years later you are happily married. That is what's important!
Happy anniversary!

Yellowflowerr · 23/11/2024 23:16

Kindly, I think you need to stop dwelling on it and focus on the positives. It was three years ago and is only one day - you’ve had many, many more days since then! You say you are very happily married so why is this one day still playing on your mind so much?