To have been depressed after my wedding?!

Modern (social media to a great extent) pressure has made weddings such a big thing that the post wedding crash is very common.

For most modern couples, their wedding is the single most expensive bash they will ever throw. And then you have all the expectations of the dress, the look, the feel, the theme etc. My sister celebrated her 25th anniversary with her husband this last summer and I remember her wedding well....for the wrong reasons! She was a complete bridezilla, her DH was a groomzilla and our mother was unbearable....motherzilla of the bridezilla I guess!

They all went totally flat in the weeks after the wedding. All of their focus for the previous two years had been on THE WEDDING and after THE WEDDING had happened, they had nothing.

Although 3 years is a long time to still be holding on to this, which makes me wonder if there is something else about this that is getting to you and you are attaching it to the day.

I get it.
Recently had a party for a significant birthday.
Can't admit to anyone that I just didn't enjoy it.
Too much pressure both before and on the night. I cringe thinking about it.
And the thought of the money that was spent- we didn't go mad, but could have had a little break for the same amount of.

for Previous generations, weddings were hosted by the parents and the bride and groom were simply the guests of honor. That meant that the happy couple got little say in the big day, but they also didn’t have the pressure of being the hosts of an elaborate celebration. The shift to couples planning and hosting their own weddings means they get what they want for the party, but it comes at the cost of being able to focus on themselves.

I feel the same about my wedding day..I can’t look at photos etc…was a let down for me personally…I do love my husband and am so happy we made the commitment.but I truely understand how you feel…my experience was horrible and I spend years very low about it,I still do..it should be or you are lead to believe it should be a day to fondly remember..it was not my experience and I have struggled with that..noemi try to brush it off and be grateful for my partner.

Was there any part of the day you actually enjoyed? I dreaded my wedding day and I didn't love the day, but I did love the ceremony, there was a lot of love in the church and I could feel it. Anything like that you can remember and focus on? It is just one day. I'd rather a crappy wedding day and beautiful marriage anyday. That's where the real memories are created

I wasn't one of those little girls who dreamed about their big day - I never thought about getting married at all! I had a small wedding (registry office) and wore an ivory silk suit that my mum made. Didn't want a big fancy wedding dress and to be walked down the aisle and 'given away' 🤮 I enjoyed bits of the day but I was glad when it was over - I didn't like all the fuss and hate being the centre of attention. I haven't dwelled on the wedding day - it's just a day. It was the being married that was important to me - looking back I'd probably have been happier if it was just me & DH at the registry office and a nice lunch after! Just focus on the marriage and forget the wedding day - we're still married 35 years later!

It’s not remotely ‘taboo’. It’s essentially saying you didn’t enjoy a party you’d organised. I have literally met anyone who thought their wedding was the best day of their lives, or supposed to be. It’s just a wedding industry nonsense.

I had a small wedding and really enjoyed the day, but very severe depression set in a week after we returned from our modest UK honeymoon - I remember the exact moment it hit, early afternoon on the first Saturday we were back. I think the previous week (back at work) had felt like still being newly married with all the usual comments 'how's married life treating you' and making a point of addressing me as Mrs Newname; but the Saturday it hit me that it was all over and it was back to business as usual with nothing to look forward to.

I suffer from depression anyway but that bout was particularly hard and long-lasting, I didn't really come out of it for about a year.

Hi OP, thank goodness you've had a couple of posters who are the authorities on what you are and aren't allowed to feel 😂

But actually, it does suggest that having regrets about ones wedding might be a taboo topic, kind of like admitting you don't enjoy being a parent. So it is possible more people have regrets about their wedding day than the number of people who would care to admit it.

That's how my first marriage was. Not everyone is into the "bullshit".

I loved my wedding day, but we had a very small wedding so none of these huge expectations. I don't think I ever wanted the full on big day, even as a child.

It's just a day, OP, I always think Christmas Day is a bit the same, kind of like a 24 hour day too. I didn't enjoy the actual wedding vows bit at all, too nervous. Much happier once the formal stuff was over and I could relax. I can see how it would have been stressful all day for you. Can you do a little something together to celebrate being married? Or even talk it out with your husband- say you loved getting married but ended up a worrier on the day? Just to loosen up that feeling a bit.

I had a decent day but no I never felt like girls when I was growing up had any like this 'best day of your life' thing so we had a few little things that went wrong but it was just part of the day

If people choose to invest that much thought and effort into one day it will never be perfect and there will always be disappointment

I do get bored of this 'all girls/women' thing being female does not mean we all think the same way

Yep I felt similar. I had a massive wedding, a gorgeous dress, it was beautiful. The day was filled with pressure and anxiety and I have actually hid the wedding album in storage so I never have to see it. I never posted a photo online or in the house eithe so I never have to think about it.

This is a ridiculous post. A worry of entitlement. Move on. Why are you dwelling on something from 3 years ago when you are supposedly happy and with a baby. It’s like an act of self sabotage, picking at a scab to give yourself something to complain about.

Yes, I think many big/ special days can end up being a let down. There is so much pressure for things to be perfect that it can almost be doomed to fail before it even starts.
It sounds like yours didn’t have any big dramas, but you over thought things all day and couldn’t enjoy it.
It might be worth asking your husband his favourite memories of the day. Maybe ask a parent and a good friend. I suspect they would say all sorts of lovely things. It might help you to know that it was a ‘good’ day and replace some of your more negative thoughts with positive ones.

Oh I disagree. Virtually everyone loves their second wedding. Having got all the bullshit out of their system the first time around, they arrange their second wedding exactly how they want it. Usually smaller, cheaper, more relaxed and without a meringue dress and invitations to fifth cousin twice removed on request (demand!) of the bride's mother.