To put my foot down not having houseguests at Christmas

Just remember when your children are older with kids and they don’t want to spend Christmas Day with you don’t get upset .

I’m not guilting her into anything. The reality is they will soon not be able to do the journey and not long after that they will be dead. Life is very short.

It is very easy to be annoyed with people’s presence in the moment because you can’t be bothered with the hassle. You will feel enormous sadness when they are no longer around.

Kat say you would love to have them stay 28 and 29 but you have other guests after that and it’s too much excitement for the kids.

Oh I see you did mention they overstay their welcome in your OP and stay for weeks.

My mistake.

No idea why so many posters think you should have them over for Christmas given the circumstances then.

Indeed.

I’m surprised by a lot of the responses - but then @lyndmn you really should have put in your OP the fact they’ve been down to stay about every month recently and the fact they can’t seem to limit their stays to a couple of days.

I think you should say no too. It sounds highly dysfunctional and exhausting. You deserve to have a merry and peaceful Christmas.

And your baby is young now fair enough, but you don’t want to set a precedent for future Christmases where they’re just bickering away and your child is old enough to understand. Yes all families argue but this sounds a bit excessive.

What does your partner think? And is there no way he can make sure they leave on the date they’re supposed to next time and then maybe they could come for a few days before the new year?

OK, schedule them in for a weekend, either the one before or after Christmas, and then say you're having a day out on the Monday with friends so they'll have to go. Be prepared to have to leave the house yourselves, wave goodbye, get in your car and drive round the block if needs be.

Remember you reap what you sow, don't go crying on Gransnet when your own kids ignore you over the festive period in years to come.

@SweetSixty It's mad, isn't it. Some people don't seem to realize that having guests when you have a new baby is hard work, unless they're visiting to provide support!

Not as bad, but after DD was born, we had relative who'd come over every Saturday and stay for most of the day. They didn't seem to realize that providing lunch for them was just an extra hassle for us.... they never brought anything with them.

if you don't want them for days on end - just stipulate they can stay until the 26/27th and then you have other plans

other plans mean anything and you never lie or tell them other plans means diddly squat

Bloody hell, they've been to stay every month for 9 months and you have a new baby.

You've done your share and you deserve Christmas off and they need to get something going on in their own lives so they're not lonely.

Also - if they've been to yours 9 times in 9 months and want to see you at Christmas is it not their turn to invite you up and give you a nice break?

Yanbu, foot down and if they get snippy tell them why your foot is down. "Because you get fretful and bicker like children and I have had enough of it"

If they want to visit, they can stay in a B&B and visit on a set day. The rest of the time, they can amuse themselves.

I bet they'd leave sooner if they were paying for an Air BnB...

Before fridges, I bet they did! And we can't keep guests in the fridge. Sadly, in some cases.

This is too much on their part. You need to see them less

I disagree about fish only lasting two days!!

Just tell them that you are having a quiet Christmas and you will catch up at Easter when the weather is nicer.

Don't let that poster guilt trip you. If they have a strained relationship with your DP and they massively outstay their welcome, don't invite them as they will ruin your Christmas.

Could you organize accommodation for them close by-an Airbnb for two or three nights perhaps? Only if you can afford it, of course.

That would limit the length of their stay, unless they’re willing to pay to extend it.

Since having a really uncomfortable stay in an overcrowded house several years ago, when none of us slept well, we now cough up for a hotel when we visit DH’s family for Thanksgiving or Christmas. It’s so much easier and more fun for everyone.

Either get your husband to sort this out, seeing as they’re his parents after all, or invite them but set boundaries. Then staying for weeks is bizzare. Let them come but say you are hosting friends on the 27th so they need to have left by then. They can’t complain at that. And if they do, they know where to go!

If they are 4 hours away then of course they want to see you all at xmas! I think its highly likely that things are strained because they stay so long. So a shorter visit, plan meticulously and make sure everyone has jobs allocated and and mucks in so the work doesnt just fall on you.I think ts lovely the way chinese families all sit down and have fun preparing for new year by making dumplings together. A christmas dinner version of that!

I think it would be nice if you to take a turn if they normally go to SIL but obviously it’s up to you and your husband.

If you do invite them, I’d suggest a two day maximum and if they try to push boundaries then say that you understand if it is too much disruption for them for just a couple of days, and that you’re happy to wait and catch up in the new year,