To put my foot down not having houseguests at Christmas

Oh, absolutely.
You don't need reassurance here.
Enjoy a quiet one with your partner.

So why can't they stay with these friends for part of the time? It sounds as if they are using you as a hotel.

They have each other.. It isn't up to you to bolster their Christmas...

Bloody hell, they aren't that much older than me. You definitely need to get used to setting firm boundaries because you could have another 20 yeas of this shit.

Sod that - they fit in with you and the children. If he doesn’t want to be up At the crack of dawn sharing their moment that’s his problem. Stop pussy footing around their behaviour and if they start bickering ‘right you two I’m sure you want to go for a walk and discuss this privately’… be assertive and take control. Why should there bickering put an awkward mood over your home.

Get DH to have a word that it’s x days staying and kids will be up at this time etc. make it clear that they are being included in your routine.

And if they overstay - I’d explain to DH I’ll be visiting my folks to spend time with them.

they are in their 60s? One Christmas doing their own thing won’t kill them. Me and my partner are in our 50s and 60s and don’t expect an invite and know kids will be busy with new families and new traditions. My own folks in their 70s and 80s always get invited but also state they are happy to do their own thing.

Your house, your rules.

If the children (and you) want to open presents in the morning, make it clear to FiL that that is what's happening and if he's sleeping off a heavy night's drinking - tough luck. He'll miss it.

Same with meal times. If you like to eat Christmas Dinner at 2pm but ILs prefer 6pm, again - tough. Tell them ahead of time, so they can get their heads round it.

Yes you can absolutely have Xmas just immediate family

plus: good lord I see in later updates you have a baby! Absolutely right to protect your immediate family-time

and- they come for a weekend and extend it to a full week?? That’s very very rude in my book.

Why would anyone want a feuding couple to stay at Christmas? Or at any other time? They should stay at home and work on their issues.

@lyndmn

come on, this is your (at least) second child. You're not a young couple in their first home with a first baby's first Christmas.

you don't host their Grandparents every Christmas as your SIL does that. Your SIL wants one Christmas off.

your DC might not get another Christmas with their Grandparents in your home.

I think you should have them for Christmas.

I don't think them wanting to see their son & their Grandchildren once a month is terrible, but you do need to tell them the children woukd enjoy seeing them monthly, but it's only going to work if it's a long weekend or maybe every second month for a week,

a PP is right, you have limited years where they're going to able to do that drive, especially in winter.

They need to be extra firm and stipulate Christmas Day and Boxing Day or Christmas Day and Christmas Eve only! I still stand by what I say .

Tell them the dates they can stay. I have similar with my mum but the other way round, we go to her. She would like us there for about two weeks but it's impossible with work, and frankly I don't want to spend two weeks at Christmas with my mum because I want time to myself too. Now I say we will be arriving on boxing day and then tell her when we are leaving. I also tell her as far in advance as possible so she gets used to it.

Surely DH parents are immediate family??

OP, I think they are bad guests and you should not be hosting them monthly.

Send your husband to visit them.
Monthly is ridiculous.

I think you need to come out with it.
2 nights max and if they don't like it, that is on them.

So hopefully not at death's door!

I hope you have a lovely quiet Christmas with your DH and your children.

Fuck me! I'm early 60s and
a) would hate to think I was imposing myself on anyone
b) would know that rocking up 9 times in 9 months to a house where they are looking after a new baby is rude, thoughtless and taking the mick.
c) I have my own life going on and don't look to other people 4 hours away to keep me from being lonely
d) Hope I'm not going to become incapable of travel any time soon and certainly have no plans to die in the next 20 years.

I completely agree and asked how old they were in the first post and the OP hasn't answered.

The OP has pandered to these parents (whatever their age) 9 times in 9 months so it's not as though she "can't be bothered with the hassle" as @Thepurplepig said....she's justifiably tired of catering for people who should rightly be either giving her a break or inviting her back so they can wait on her for a change.

So difficult people must be pandered to in case they drop dead? We don't even know how old OP's ILs are.

This is the sort of ridiculous emotional blackmail that appears on every thread about difficult parents and in-laws.

Yeah, but SIL usually has them for Christmas. @lyndmn when did they last get to spend Christmas Day with your children?

Not "we would like"......"We are having"

But her in-laws don't want to spend Christmas Day with them, they have a history of massively overstaying@Tourmalines!

If you knew that guests were unlikely to leave when they originally agreed to and instead overstay by weeks, would you want them?

Her in-laws need to be respectful of other people's time and then they'd probably be welcome. I imagine that the OP and her DH are learning from their example and won't do this to their children in the future.