AIBU to think my mum is controlling with me and my son?

This. What did you do after she ‘blocked the door’?

That is batshit behaviour from your Mum and I would be furious. I realise providing childcare is an enormous favour on her part but you're still the parent, and those decisions are yours to make.

OP said the baby had a fever.
And a fever is a sign of a problem. There is no benign reason for a fever.
Your immune system may be able to cope with it. Or not. You may want to wait, but I would not take a child with a fever anywhere and watch them closely.

Eh? Just because her mum helps out does not mean her mum has the final say on anything to do with the child and his welfare. What a ridiculous comment.

I mean.. you can though?

Can’t have it both ways

She still views you as a child who needs to do as you're told, and accept that Mum Knows Best. She appears to have forgotten that you are an adult and a mother yourself.

That should be the last time she ever sees him.

A temperature isn't always a fever

Talking to her probably won't get you results.

Wow!

Who the hell does she think she is, blocking you from your own child?

Really really overstepping there. She's not his parent. You are.

You need to asset yourself really properly.

And your poor ds. Unwell and dragged off to play.

How is he now?

Lov the thought of "carpool" bringing temperature down🤣. And no you don't need a doctor for a short history of a fever and nothing else.

She sounds unhinged.

It's time to have a serious talk with her and set some boundaries. And you must make sure those boundaries are kept by being firm.
No one should ever block you from taking your child. Absolutely unacceptable behaviour and you can't allow this to happen again.
She is not his parent, you are. What you say goes, each and every time!

I hope you're OK, @keke2605 ? And listening to the excellent advice on this thread. Please take this seriously and set strong boundaries from now on.

For context to my earlier post, I'm the Grandma. I do a lot of childcare, on my own, and have a wonderfully close relationship with my adored toddler grandchild but as soon as my DD or baby's DF arrives, I'm straight to the background, with zero say in how they parent. Which is as it should be.

Are you serious? I would have called police. So she has taken your child off somewhere without your permission? Can you call police now,

At very least go and get him. Then go NC with her, she sounds dangerous.

This sounds like the sort of stunt my mother would have pulled when my child was little. OP, please nip it in the bud now, it will only get worse.
Sometimes going it alone is scary but sometimes family “support” is more frightening.

Your mum is being massively out of order and if you want to stop this from happening over and over you need to take a massive step back and not rely on her at all. There’s nothing wrong with getting help from family especially when you’re a single parent but unfortunately for you your mother is apparently using this help as a way to have control over you and undermine you as a mum.

Good grief this is awful. What does she think she’s doing? A one year old gets no benefit from play dates, it’s all for the adults, which is fine but he is not missing out be not going.

You’re really going to have to assert yourself. Any thing like this again and she won’t have any contact with either of you. She thinks because you need her she can do what she likes.

she’s taken him when I wanted to take him home. I’ve tried to get into the room to get my son and she’s blocked the door

Your mother needs to receive consequences for this.
You need to have very strong words with her - let it be a flaming row if that is how it turns out.
Do not back down.
Then don't go and see her for several weeks. You will just have to manage on your own.
Don't let her near your baby until she apologises profusely and shows she understands how out-of-order she was.

Don't let this go. You have to make a stand.

Be aware of the risks of escalation if you let this go.

It's taken her a year to feel comfortable that's she's able to take your child without your agreement for a few hours and block your access to them.

In two years maybe that sense of entitlement will see her refusing to let you take your three year old home on Friday night and insisting she keeps them weekends.

Maybe by age 7 you'll be begging her for access and wondering what the hell happened.

@keke2605 so sorry to hear this and I hope you implement massive boundaries with her after this if you continue to allow her a space in your lives.

Anyone who disregarded my wishes around my ill child and/or took them without my consent and/or blocked me from getting them would never be trusted again.

I would be turning up at the play date and taking my child home.

I would ask my mother for any keys she had to my house.

I would explain privately if possible to my mother that I appreciate the help she’s given but she’s crossed several lines lately and today’s behaviour was the last straw. If she ever tried anything like that again (taking son or blocking me from getting to him) I’d be contacting the police.

going forward what boundaries/rules do you want. What do you want the relationship to look and feel like.

and none of this - ‘but I want his grandmother to have a relationship with him/he loves her and would miss her’ etc. he’s 1 and will get over it and she doesn’t deserve a relationship if she can’t be trusted.

If someone 'blocked the door' to prevent me from getting to my child I'd call the police. And it would probably be the last time they saw them for quite a while. It would certainly be the last time they were ever left unsupervised with them.

Where is your anger? Why are you being so passive?