To ask if you think I was rude?

It's actions, not words.

We had training at work about how different people communicate and how some people are just super direct and factual and others are all about feelings. It's not that one is bad and the other is good it's just the way different people see the world. I think this was really helpful as I don't read into nuances nearly as much as I might once have done.

People will show you their true colours, not in the way they say things but the way they behave.

Of course not, but it's a social nicety to pretend isn't it?

You always say 'oh great, we'd love to join'.
Never 'Oh FFS! I suppose we'll have to come, but another Saturday spent at a kids softplay? I can't think of anything worse!'.

No-one enjoys kids parties. But to break a social convention is typically considered rude.

Like how you always say a baby is lovely even if it looks like a gargoyle.

If you struggle writing replies to things then AI is the answer - Copilot and ChatGPT will help smooth emails out to make them less brisk.
I have found it useful.

I've learned that when dealing with people I don't really know I am a bit more flowery.

That’s not rude, OP.
she sounds hard work. Avoid.

Personally I wouldn't have taken offence at that at all. I would think it was a bit direct but I'd be most likely glad to have had a RSPV as often people don't even respond at all.

Are you sure she was talking about you?

Hell, I've responded to yes and then forgotten all about it and not showed 🫣 she's being way too sensitive imo and probably doesn't hold many good friendships and relationships as a result

OP says she hadn't seen this lady since the children were babies - and as we're talking about a birthday invite and her DS is now 16 months, it obviously wasn't last week...

Shouldn't you be at school?

It's not exactly hard to say "Hope Lily has a lovely time, we would have loved to be there!" though, is it?

I can see why OP's response seems a bit rude.

Depends how long ago it was really! Could have been last week.

It’s not rude per se but it does convey the impression that you’d rather eat your lunch off the pavement than go anywhere near that party. So not rude but also definitely a bit of a put down and if I thought we were friendly and I received that from you I’d probably think again!

Do you like her? If so you could always message something like “Lovely to bump into you and X at the pool. Can’t believe how big/good at swimming/whatever X is getting!”

but it also didn't sound like you were sad to be missing it or that you hoped they had a good time etc.

Sad to be missing it? It's a kid's birthday party and they had something else to do. Nothing to be sad about.

Did she see you overhear her? You have a great opportunity to mess her about in revenge

thank you for inviting us but we are busy

Yes, I can see why she could construe that as short
I'd text her now and say "I wasn't eavesdropping deliberately but overheard you tell your Mum how rude you thought I was over a party invite. Having read it back, it does sound abrupt and I'm sorry. I didn't realise how short it was."

only if you want to/it's causing you anxiety/you wanted to stay in touch

If not, don't worry.

It was abrupt and straight to the point, it wasn't particularly rude but it also didn't sound like you were sad to be missing it or that you hoped they had a good time etc.

I wouldn't say it was rude, but it was a bit abrupt - however, it's bonkers to still be holding a grudge about it now!

Not rude.
She is rude talking behind someone’s back.
Don’t worry about it.

Nah, you weren't rude. She sounds a bit of a drama llama.

I don't think it's rude, but if she's a gushy sort of person who expected "that sounds amaazing😍would have lOVED to come ❤but I'm having my toenails waxed that day 😩GUTTED 💔. See you soon hun, have a FAB party 🍰xxxx" she might have found it abrupt.

It was direct, I can see how some could perceive it as rude.

Some people need all the waffle, I prefer it when people are just straight to the point.

Sounds like she prefers the waffling.

I also think it was a tad brusque (but definitely not 'so rude').

"Oh that sounds lovely, unfortunately we can't make it. Hope Lily has a lovely time!"

I think if this lady is still holding grudge over this you're probably best off out of it tbh.

You weren't rude

It was to the point you don't need a lot of waffle to say no. Honestly I wouldn't give it a second thought. :-)

It's not rude as such but it is a bit brusque, but I think text communication can be like that if you aren't careful, especially with people you don't know.

I'd have said something more like the PP:
'Thanks so much for inviting us! Really sad we can't make it as we have something else on, but hope she has an amazing time and see you guys soon.'

I don't think I'd be offended by it at all but I might just think 'Oh right okay then!'

I think it was a bit brisk, to be honest. It wouldn't have taken much longer for you to at least to say how nice it sounded and you were sorry to miss it, for example.