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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad all the school mums and dads are close

33 replies

IWabtToBeLeftAlone · 23/11/2024 07:41

I’m feeling a little upset and am posting here for just some clarity or advice as I feel silly talking to people in real life about it!

yesterday was an event at my child’s school in the evening and I went along with my DH and younger child. I don’t know how to describe my feelings as I’ve never been good at that but I just felt I think inadequate and different I suppose - they all came in and greeted everyone and were hugging, they all seemed really close and for each one’s child performing got a loud clapping and “whooping” applause type. Whereas I tried to make eye contact with the mums I knew and was largely ignored! I did get a flat “hi” from a few as they walked away to hug and greet each other. When my child performed it felt like we were the only ones clapping as the others were all chatting amongst themselves.

I feel like it’s really hard to break into their “circle”

what am I doing wrong? How can I be part of their crowd? Even the younger siblings were all playing together in a corner. I tried to get my little one to join in but he didn’t want to.

I’ve really tried over these past 3 years to get in with them - inviting for play dates, volunteering at events, being friendly and always saying hello first and trying to make conversations which largely get ignored or just polite nods.

OP posts:
Original poster
IWabtToBeLeftAlone · 23/11/2024 07:52

@Tophelleborine thsts good advice. I think I need to do more of that. I did try once with this quiet lady but she looked so uncomfortable thst I was talking to her so we silently sat together. The thing is I am quite chatty and friendly not in your face type but I do like to socialise but these other ladies have made it obvious I can’t be in their group.

OP posts:
blackrabbitwhiterabbit · 23/11/2024 07:51

Tophelleborine · 23/11/2024 07:48

Ugh, I hate it when parents whoop and cheer for their own and their friends' kids but not the others, it's so juvenile and cliquey. There's a group of parents at our school that do this and it makes me want nothing to do with them.

Sorry, no advice, but you can't be the single only family excluded like this? It's more likely that there's a gang who like to make a lot of noise and perform friendship very visibly, but there will be other families not part of this. Try and seek them out if you're looking to make friends.

This

Original poster
IWabtToBeLeftAlone · 23/11/2024 07:50

@Lostthetastefordahlias my daughter has lots of friends and is social so that’s a good point thank you. I just worry at some point she might be left out.

@BraOffPjsOn Only recently I stopped pksydstes as felt they were not going anywhere as in the mums were polite but next day at school ignored me again when I said hello! Even on a night out (I’ve been to one in 3 years) I got on do well with one if the mums we were laughing and chatting and next day in school she acted like she doesn’t know who I am! Since then I’ve started to detach myself from thinking they are my friends as they’re not

OP posts:
Tophelleborine · 23/11/2024 07:48

Ugh, I hate it when parents whoop and cheer for their own and their friends' kids but not the others, it's so juvenile and cliquey. There's a group of parents at our school that do this and it makes me want nothing to do with them.

Sorry, no advice, but you can't be the single only family excluded like this? It's more likely that there's a gang who like to make a lot of noise and perform friendship very visibly, but there will be other families not part of this. Try and seek them out if you're looking to make friends.

BraOffPjsOn · 23/11/2024 07:46

YANBU - I think people find their circle (like when the kids are babies too). I’d keep inviting children round for play dates but who does your child actually want to be friends with? Focus on those children rather than being in with the big group of mums.
I think it is different now - I do lots of play dates with DS1’s best friend’s family and we’ve become friends and socialise now too. The rest of the parents I chat to and I’ve invited a few over but never had invites back. I think parents stick to whoever they first befriend, know them already or are so busy working they don’t want the social side of school coming home.

Lostthetastefordahlias · 23/11/2024 07:45

It’s so tedious isn’t it - why does it have to be like this with school mums. It’s rude and unpleasant of them not to cheer all children the same. How does your child get on socially? If they are fine I would just carry on as you are being friendly and not worry about the rest of it.

Original poster
IWabtToBeLeftAlone · 23/11/2024 07:45

@Delorian because it would be nice to feel some familiarity when I attend these events and to feel part of something. I don’t have any family support or close family and seeing them they seem like a lovely village for their children and have each other for support.

OP posts:
Delorian · 23/11/2024 07:42

Why do you want to?