Page 5 | He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

Girlmath · 2024-11-23T03:41:35+00:00

NC for obvious reasons. I don't know why I'm even sharing this. I think I need to vent because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone in person. It's DS's birthday tomorrow (well, today now). DP went to the pub last night, absolutely no problem with that but I asked him not to be too late home because we still have all the wrapping to do, balloons etc. Children finally fell asleep quite late because they were excited. I got ready for bed and then waited for DP to return. I waited and waited and it got to 10.30 and I was feeling very pissed off and tired so I thought I'm going to have to do this myself or I don't know what time I'll get to bed. Pretty much done by the time he gets back absolutely stinking of alcohol. I'm annoyed so I put the pressies up and he helps me blow up a couple of balloons. I go to bed. Hour or so later he wakes me up drunkenly getting out of bed in the dark. Then I hear a funny noise, I turn my lamp on and he then opens the door and goes out to the toilet. It takes me a minute to process what the noise was and I realise it was him having a wee behind the bedroom door. It's everywhere. Stinky beer wee. He staggers back in and starts putting his clothes on top of it to try and blot it up. I just get him in to bed and start the clear up. It's all over the cream carpet, splattered up things and all over one of my slippers - it's drenched. He goes to sleep and I clear up as best I can for tonight, I don't want to wake the children. I'm raging. Hours later I'm just laying here fuming and it's just dawned on me he drove home. It's just like he has zero respect for me. I started a new job this week, I'm pretty drained. We have family coming over for dinner for DSs birthday. I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope! That will be for me to do tomorrow - which I didn't want to do as it will be time away from my DS. He just doesn't take on any of the mental load of anything. As I was wrapping the presents I thought to myself he has no idea what we've got (aside from the main present which he bought) . He hadn't had to think about them, buy them, hide them or even wrap them. Has he done this on purpose because he knows I won't want to ruin the day tomorrow and 'be in a mood' as he says. I'm so upset.

BubblesMacgee · 23/11/2024 12:07

Lady, you do not deserve any of this and it is only going to get worse. Do you want your lovely boy growing up to think that this is what a real man is? You are already taking on the workload of a single parent, time to move on from this and get rid. I am not saying it will be easy - he will make things as difficult as possible for you - but time to get a life of your own without this idiot. NB - I had to do this myself under very similar circumstances and now look back and wonder how I lasted so long under my "everybody's friend party boy" ex-husband's gaslighting regime.

AhBiscuits · 23/11/2024 12:06

And spending £20 will still put him way over the limit.

taxguru · 23/11/2024 12:06

BusyMum47 · 23/11/2024 11:45

This!!!!!⬆️ He was an absolute asshole for doing what he did in the 1st place but he's sunk to a whole new low by not taking any responsibility for it & treating you like he has this morning, in the cold light of day, when he's sober & knows exactly what he's doing & saying. Awful, awful man. Get rid.

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Well said, the only answer it to get rid.

Sunnings · 23/11/2024 12:05

He's utter alcoholic scum.
God help you and your children.

Tell your family the truth.

AhBiscuits · 23/11/2024 12:04

The gas lighting and refusal to just apologise makes it so much worse.

Artistbythewater · 23/11/2024 12:04

He hasn’t even managed to be truly remorseful and apologetic, instead he tells you it is lie. We all know it isn’t including him.

Focus on your son. Leave that festering disgrace in his pit and vow that this time next year you will be free of this contempt and disrespect.

taxguru · 23/11/2024 12:02

I hope it's your wake up call to throw him out. I'd not put up with that for a moment. Complete disrepect to you and your children, not to mention being an incredibly stupid and dangerous pratt for drink driving. How would it have affected your family if he'd been caught and loses his licence, or had an accident and you'd have to suffer the huge financial consequences, or if he ended up in prison if he'd killed or seriously injured someone. You CAN do better than this low life waster. You deserve better. You'd be better off without him. Get rid.

BriocheForBreakfast · 23/11/2024 12:01

So either he was so drunk he doesn't remember what he did or he wasn't drunk and should remember what he did. It can't be a bit of both.

SushiSheep · 23/11/2024 11:59

So sorry to read your update @Girlmath
Just horrendous.
Hope you're OK.
Ignore the useless moron and enjoy your son's birthday.
Tomorrow - start planning.
All the best to you.
MN is the best place for those who are in genuine need of support.

(NOT taking any blame away from your DP at all, but surprised that the manager friend let him drive home knowing how much he'd drunk)

Clowdee · 23/11/2024 11:56

Yup great point about the knowing he's out of control being linked to the not remembering, or believing his wife!

My ex had a similar habit of forgetting things he did wrong. Laser sharp memory for all my transgressions, real or imagined!

Balloonhearts · 23/11/2024 11:56

You know what I'd do? Go outside and beat the fucking shit out of his car. Properly bash it in. Then tell him he obviously had a crash he doesn't remember. Scare the shit out of him. Then stick all his stuff in the bag with his pissy clothes and throw it all outside. Lock him out and tell him to fuck off. He has no respect for you or DC or your house. He could do one. I wouldn't continue with someone like that, that would just kill any love dead, being disrespected like that.

Clowdee · 23/11/2024 11:53

He's an alcoholic and that's a problem of his, you need to decide how much you want in your life.

Sorry you're going through this.

CloudgazerCat · 23/11/2024 11:52

Girlmath · 23/11/2024 11:39

I'm sorry no update sooner, I appreciate the messages thank you. It might just be tiredness but I just feel really numb.
I eventually got up at 7 went to Tesco's and got back about 9.20, we live quite rurally so it's a bit of a trek and I didn't want him driving. Though I have huge guilt about leaving the children here asleep with him.
I've been totally gaslit today, the dog woke up early and he got up and was obviously confused by the pile of stuff in front of the washing machine. He woke me to ask what happened and I explained and frankly he didn't believe me. He just kept saying noooo. His logic is that he remembers getting home and putting the presents out and going to bed. He has no recollection of peeing so it was sleepwalking. He was absolutely fine to drive home. He only doesn't £20 at the pub (apparently, but our friend is the manager and doesn't charge him fir everything). He was there however many hours and his body gets rid of x amount of units and hour so he can't have been drunk. I assured him he was a d that he was talking nonsense and trying to blot the pee up with his nice top. I told him to look in the bin at the bag and my slippers but he's not taking any accountability. Then he got mad at me because I had messaged the manager in the night to see if that's where he'd been drinking.
Once I got home from Tesco's he was still in bed, I did the children's breakfast and put the food away. I'm trying my absolute hardest to put on a brave and happy face for my son 💔

When you get a moment, call the al-anon helpline and explain what happened last night and what he is saying about it this morning. They will have heard it all before and be able to give practical and emotional support. Good luck

Therealjudgejudy · 23/11/2024 11:50

He is a disgusting human.

Hope you are ok op

MagicSteaks · 23/11/2024 11:49

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mummytrex · 23/11/2024 11:49

Honestly op do you really want that as a role model for your kids?

Bad enough that he drove whilst drunk and then used your carpet as a toilet, but the lack of accountability/ remorse and getting mad at you takes it to a whole other level. He KNOWS he was out of control or he'd be able to remember what happened.

wombat15 · 23/11/2024 11:46

Girlmath · 23/11/2024 11:39

I'm sorry no update sooner, I appreciate the messages thank you. It might just be tiredness but I just feel really numb.
I eventually got up at 7 went to Tesco's and got back about 9.20, we live quite rurally so it's a bit of a trek and I didn't want him driving. Though I have huge guilt about leaving the children here asleep with him.
I've been totally gaslit today, the dog woke up early and he got up and was obviously confused by the pile of stuff in front of the washing machine. He woke me to ask what happened and I explained and frankly he didn't believe me. He just kept saying noooo. His logic is that he remembers getting home and putting the presents out and going to bed. He has no recollection of peeing so it was sleepwalking. He was absolutely fine to drive home. He only doesn't £20 at the pub (apparently, but our friend is the manager and doesn't charge him fir everything). He was there however many hours and his body gets rid of x amount of units and hour so he can't have been drunk. I assured him he was a d that he was talking nonsense and trying to blot the pee up with his nice top. I told him to look in the bin at the bag and my slippers but he's not taking any accountability. Then he got mad at me because I had messaged the manager in the night to see if that's where he'd been drinking.
Once I got home from Tesco's he was still in bed, I did the children's breakfast and put the food away. I'm trying my absolute hardest to put on a brave and happy face for my son 💔

He is an alcoholic unfortunately. Noone without serious issues with alcohol drives when very drunk, and denies they were very drunk when all the evidence is there.

BusyMum47 · 23/11/2024 11:45

Sheepsandcows · 23/11/2024 11:39

What an arsehole. Get through today and tomorrow and then get to work to make some changes.

This!!!!!⬆️ He was an absolute asshole for doing what he did in the 1st place but he's sunk to a whole new low by not taking any responsibility for it & treating you like he has this morning, in the cold light of day, when he's sober & knows exactly what he's doing & saying. Awful, awful man. Get rid.

NinaGeiger · 23/11/2024 11:44

Girlmath · 23/11/2024 11:39

I'm sorry no update sooner, I appreciate the messages thank you. It might just be tiredness but I just feel really numb.
I eventually got up at 7 went to Tesco's and got back about 9.20, we live quite rurally so it's a bit of a trek and I didn't want him driving. Though I have huge guilt about leaving the children here asleep with him.
I've been totally gaslit today, the dog woke up early and he got up and was obviously confused by the pile of stuff in front of the washing machine. He woke me to ask what happened and I explained and frankly he didn't believe me. He just kept saying noooo. His logic is that he remembers getting home and putting the presents out and going to bed. He has no recollection of peeing so it was sleepwalking. He was absolutely fine to drive home. He only doesn't £20 at the pub (apparently, but our friend is the manager and doesn't charge him fir everything). He was there however many hours and his body gets rid of x amount of units and hour so he can't have been drunk. I assured him he was a d that he was talking nonsense and trying to blot the pee up with his nice top. I told him to look in the bin at the bag and my slippers but he's not taking any accountability. Then he got mad at me because I had messaged the manager in the night to see if that's where he'd been drinking.
Once I got home from Tesco's he was still in bed, I did the children's breakfast and put the food away. I'm trying my absolute hardest to put on a brave and happy face for my son 💔

This is all heartbreaking. Sending hugs. I bet your son will have a lovely day - you sound like a great mum.
It reminds me a bit of my ex who poured lager on my beloved sofa at 3am the night before my Aunt's funeral.

LivinInYourBigGlassHouseWithAView · 23/11/2024 11:42

Girlmath · 23/11/2024 11:39

I'm sorry no update sooner, I appreciate the messages thank you. It might just be tiredness but I just feel really numb.
I eventually got up at 7 went to Tesco's and got back about 9.20, we live quite rurally so it's a bit of a trek and I didn't want him driving. Though I have huge guilt about leaving the children here asleep with him.
I've been totally gaslit today, the dog woke up early and he got up and was obviously confused by the pile of stuff in front of the washing machine. He woke me to ask what happened and I explained and frankly he didn't believe me. He just kept saying noooo. His logic is that he remembers getting home and putting the presents out and going to bed. He has no recollection of peeing so it was sleepwalking. He was absolutely fine to drive home. He only doesn't £20 at the pub (apparently, but our friend is the manager and doesn't charge him fir everything). He was there however many hours and his body gets rid of x amount of units and hour so he can't have been drunk. I assured him he was a d that he was talking nonsense and trying to blot the pee up with his nice top. I told him to look in the bin at the bag and my slippers but he's not taking any accountability. Then he got mad at me because I had messaged the manager in the night to see if that's where he'd been drinking.
Once I got home from Tesco's he was still in bed, I did the children's breakfast and put the food away. I'm trying my absolute hardest to put on a brave and happy face for my son 💔

Ah, the gaslighting has already begun.

Seriously, OP.

This isn't about him 'ruining the day'. This is about him 'ruining your life' and the lives of your children.

Get rid.

IsThisIt39 · 23/11/2024 11:40

I’m so sorry you’re in this position, how vile, and to let down your little boy is absolutely unforgivable.

I would do your best to pretend it didn’t happen so it doesn’t mar your day, I can understand how it’s burning away at you. Just focus on your son today and formulate a plan as to how you’re going to deal with him, cool and controlled, whatever you do, do not let this slide.

My husband used to drink a lot before we had kids, he even disappeared for the entire night when I was a week away from my due date, passed out at a friend’s, missing about 20 calls from me. That was the last time, he was so ashamed of himself. He also once got up in the night when we were in our 20’s, thought he was in the toilet, and pissed on my poor dog!! The disbelief on the dogs face was something else, we were shocked! This has never happened since becoming a dad, if he did it would be game over, especially letting down our child on their birthday!

I hope your son has a great day, I’m sure you’ll make sure he does!

Sheepsandcows · 23/11/2024 11:39

What an arsehole. Get through today and tomorrow and then get to work to make some changes.

Original poster

Girlmath · 23/11/2024 11:39

I'm sorry no update sooner, I appreciate the messages thank you. It might just be tiredness but I just feel really numb.
I eventually got up at 7 went to Tesco's and got back about 9.20, we live quite rurally so it's a bit of a trek and I didn't want him driving. Though I have huge guilt about leaving the children here asleep with him.
I've been totally gaslit today, the dog woke up early and he got up and was obviously confused by the pile of stuff in front of the washing machine. He woke me to ask what happened and I explained and frankly he didn't believe me. He just kept saying noooo. His logic is that he remembers getting home and putting the presents out and going to bed. He has no recollection of peeing so it was sleepwalking. He was absolutely fine to drive home. He only doesn't £20 at the pub (apparently, but our friend is the manager and doesn't charge him fir everything). He was there however many hours and his body gets rid of x amount of units and hour so he can't have been drunk. I assured him he was a d that he was talking nonsense and trying to blot the pee up with his nice top. I told him to look in the bin at the bag and my slippers but he's not taking any accountability. Then he got mad at me because I had messaged the manager in the night to see if that's where he'd been drinking.
Once I got home from Tesco's he was still in bed, I did the children's breakfast and put the food away. I'm trying my absolute hardest to put on a brave and happy face for my son 💔

OP posts:

ManchesterLu · 23/11/2024 11:35

Ponderingwindow · 23/11/2024 03:55

Why on earth would you put him to bed and clean up after him. Point him to cleaning supplies and tell him to get to work. he doesn’t deserve your consideration.

your mention that he planned this because he knew you couldn’t react implies this is a pattern. You don’t have to change anything tomorrow. You and more importantly your children deserve better than living with a drunk.

Because he would have been in no physical state to clean up, wouldn't have done it properly, and would have left the bedroom stinking of piss. Of course she had to do it.

But he needs to go OP. I feel like you know that, but there's so much in this post alone, I'm sure there's other things, and you deserve so much better!

Flatulence · 23/11/2024 11:34

He's one massive ick and you and your children deserve better.

Driving home, pissed, is unacceptable and frankly hard to forgive.

Pissing on the floor as he's so drunk is disgusting. It would be forgivable if he was 19 and hadn't learned to handle his booze yet. But this is a grown man - a husband and a father - presumably at least in his late 20s given the age of your kids, if not older. Vile.

It's not even as if he's a delight when sober. Saying food shopping is a 'mum job' is pathetic. Does he not eat then? Cos if you eat and you're a physically and mentally able adult you need to shop for food.

Worst of all, he's let his kids down by failing to do the things he agreed to for them.

Treat yourself with the respect he fails to, and LTB.