He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

He has absolute zero respect for you. He is spelling out what a selfish creature he is. What guy would not want to help out for his son's birthday????

I am so sorry that so many mumsnetters are married/living with these creatures. You can all do so much better.

Yes! Absolutely! Shame him! Tell her everything including the driving a car when rat arsed.

I agree. This behaviour is bound to be a pattern, not a one off. If my DH told be something was a mum job, I'd be getting him a psychiatrist.

OP I have a feeling that this isn't out of the blue. Maybe the pissing on the carpet is but the taking you for granted, being unreliable, leaving you to pick up the pieces and try to cover up his failures to make sure everything is nice for the kids isn't out of the blue, is it?
I have experience of this and it doesn't get better. The resentment and anger just grow and grow. It's not tenable.
Add in an alcohol problem and drink driving and it's even less tenable.
You deserve better.

YANBU - yikes you and DS deserve so much better than this arrested development man child.

love the previous poster’s suggestion re: asking his mum if he’s always had an incontinence issues. That is gold.

what I recommend is STRIKE - withdraw your labour for him/house - but so it doesn’t effect son and you. and see what happens. Based on whether he steps up or gets angry feeling entitled to your labour would dictate whether I would leave him or not.

but how could you trust him driving DS about?

for today I wouldn’t go to the shop- I’d go out for lunch or order something in that DS likes eg Dominos. You can Deliveroo groceries to include a cake if it’s missing. You pay a premium but it’s stupidity tax to be paid by your DP. I’d tell everyone (except DS) that you’ve had to experience by wth it today as partner got drunk instead/pissed the carpet. I’d be open coz it’s not your shame to bare. It’s his.

then I’d never wash his clothes again, meal plan for him, buy him snacks, organise , iron. Nothing. Trouble is you can’t fully withdraw your labour as you’d need to food shop and tidy house for son so dp benefits there. Good luck today- it’s not you, it’s him. You deserve better. A family unit is such a blessing and he’s wasting it.

my mother used to do this.
this is not to disagree that its 99.9999% men you hear about doing it. It’s to say that the day my dad finally left her was the best day of my life.

Happy birthday to your son OP. I have no doubt he’ll have a gorgeous time without even being aware of a problem. Its what you do.
Imagine how wonderful next year will be when you don’t have to carry any built up burning resentment over your dead weight of a husband, sadness at his total lack of respect for your family (and other people), or piss on your floor. 🖤

Every so often one of these threads comes up and a few people will claim that kind of binge drinking is normal. Its not normal. Its not normal to get so drunk you lose control of your bodily functions. If my partner did this I would tell them to stop drinking or it's over. And if they made a mum job comment it would be over anyway.

Disgusting on every level. From how poorly he respects you, to pissing on the floor, to the drink driving.

Get a food delivery, have a great day, do the best for your child.

Only you know what you should do after that.

It's Saturday, most big shops will be open at 6!

Agree with everyone above . You sound fantastic. Leave and I hope your son has a brilliant day. Keep us all posted if you need support x

Don't forget shops don't open until 10am today. I hope your DS has a lovely birthday today, you are an amazing mother but honestly you do not deserve this.

You sound like a really incredible lovely mum, doesn't sound like your DP brings much, if anything, beneficial to the table. Only you know if he's worth staying with and trying to change him ❤️

I'd be furious about the urinating in the bedroom, I wouldn't be happy either about his level of alchol consumption but the drink driving would be the end of it for me.

Divorce the bastard.

OP you sound like a really brilliant mum, your kids are very lucky to have you. I hope you manage to enjoy the day despite the stress.

Co-signing everyone else’s opinion on your partner.

The drink driving would mean it would be well and truly over for me. He was that drunk that he couldn’t even find the toilet in his own home. How the hell did he get home from the pub in the car safely?! How many others had to take evasive action to avoid his car? Did he hit anything on the way home?

This would not be someone I would want around my children. Wake him up early to entertain the children (hopefully one of DS’s pressies is very noisy) while you get on with what you want to do. Make him clean up his own mess. If he doesn’t do a good enough job then get his mummy to sort it out when she comes round.

He's utterly grim, the fact he went out and got this drunk on the eve of his kids birthday speaks volumes for who he is as a person and how little respect he has for both you and his kids. Then you add on pissing all over the bedroom, misogyny and drink driving.

I'm sorry OP, but your husband is truly a horrible man and I hope you leave him.

I hope you’re able to enjoy your son’s birthday and it goes well.

Then the next day, when his hangover has passed, you must have a calm conversation about his drink problem. It is a problem and if he tries to say it isn’t then it’s quite a big problem in that he is in denial which can take years to get past, if ever.

If he admits he has a problem and is ready and keen to take steps to deal with it, give him the chance to do so.

But you might need to prepare yourself for ending your as there is no plus side for children who have to live with an alcoholic.

Just appalling. Absolutely appalling. I'm so sorry op, I hope you can focus on the birthday, and your DS has a wonderful day. I'd be ending the relationship over this, I wouldn't be with someone who drunk then drove and pissing in your room is vile.

OP won’t leave him, she’s just here to vent. I know too many women with daily stories of mistreatment who complain and do nothing.

A drink driver too?!

What do you want us to say OP? He’s terrible, his behaviour is disgusting. Will you continue to subject yourself to it?

I’d let him do the food shop & the cooking and if there’s no tea, let him explain. Same goes for cleaning up the wee.

Selfish man who simply doesn't care about family stuff. I hate the smell of wee in carpets. Bicarbonate of soda and washing detergent is quite good. But make him do it! The fact he was willing to let his own child's birthday go potentially wrong for his own "fun", I have no words.

He’s a scumbag for the drink driving alone, never mind everything else on top.

What an absolute pig of a man I would be absolutely fuming.