He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

If he was driving in that state, he needs to give up drinking entirely. Only way to ensure it doesn’t happen again.

And you should leave him, and report the drink driving.

So sorry OP, what an arse.

Today focus on your DS and come back to the thread tomorrow and we will help you work out how to leave this vile man.

The best birthday gift for your child here is filing for divorce, your husband is an arse.

Regardless of whether the drinker's behaviour is medically categorisable as "alcoholic", his drinking is causing problems for others. He is a "problem drinker" at the very least. And therefore support is available from organisations such as alcoholics anonymous and al-anon.

Is Al-Anon for you? - Al-Anon Family Groups

Al-Anon could be for you if:

• You regularly feel hurt, embarrassed or distressed by the drinker’s behaviour.
• You dread holidays and special occasions because you are worried that someone’s drinking will ruin them.
• You find yourself covering up for the actions of a drinker.
• You often prefer to stay away from home rather than spend time with the drinker.
• You discourage friends and other family members from visiting because of the drinker’s behaviour.
• You are ‘walking on eggshells’ because you fear you might set off a drinking bout or angry outburst.
• You have considered calling the Police because of a drinker’s behaviour.
• You feel everything would be OK if the alcoholic stopped drinking.

• Missed or irregular mealtimes.
• Late or disrupted bedtimes.
• Money problems.
• Missed appointments and social occasions.

• Covering up your feelings, pretending you don’t care.
• Feeling you are unloved or not cared for.
• Blaming yourself, other members of the family, friends or life circumstances for the drinker’s behaviour.

The drunk driving would be enough for me to LTB but on top of everything else. You deserve better. I'm sorry op. Enjoy DS birthday then make plans - it won't get any better

Put everything else aside and concentrate on today

Tomorrow you can deal with your wankstain husband and your marriage

Today is about your son

Dont forget - you're amazing ❤️

What he’s done is absolutely disgusting,
Awful and illegal. But that doesn’t make him an alcoholic

If he drove home pissed he's a cunt.

All his other actions you have written about just echo that

I wonder if he was as drunk as that action suggests? He was able to drive time but couldn’t find the toilet? Hmm 🤔 I suspect the whole thing was just mainly due to his lack of respect for you. Tbh it doesn’t even sound as if he likes you and he surely doesn’t respect you.

Its good that you’re not married - makes leaving easier.

I would cut my losses and leave, men who hate the women they’re with become typically become increasingly dangerous.

Al-Anon UK | For families & friends of alcoholics
There are helplines specifically to support people dealing with unacceptable behaviour from partners/family/friends with alcohol problems. It may be helpful for you to take some advice from them with regard to what to do next (options include: LTB).

It may be easier to LTB if you have signposted him to some support for his problems (eg disgusting behaviour caused by alcohol abuse, and the fact that this has ruined his relationship with his partner and kids). If he has the option of professional support (even if he is not ready to take it), it may be less of a psychological burden on you, and make it easier to prioritise you and your children, when you decide whether or not to leave him. It may also be helpful to explain exactly what the problem is to his parents/friends so that they understand the full extent of the disgustingness, and why you cannot allow him to literally piss all over things belonging to you and your children. You cannot let them grow up in a house with him behaviour like that.

It is a horrible situation, and you must feel so absolutely drained with anger and disappointment, at the same time as the need and desire to have a lovely birthday for your child.

Best of luck for today, and please do reach out to professionals who will have plenty of experience and resources in dealing with this kind of situation and supporting partners and children. You are not alone, no matter how uniquely horrible this situation seems.

I agree with this but also I blame the systemic patriarchal social conditions that lead parents to bring boys up to expect women to look after them, whilst society (especially other men) support this way of thinking.

To those telling OP to call the police and get his licence taken away, having a husband who can't drive his car for a year will not help OP nor her child.

To those judging OP for 'putting up with this', shame on you. All women suffer from patriarchy to a greater or lesser extent and I think we need to support each other not judge.

OP, I feel for you and I've been where you are. I suspect you've been unhappy for a while and that you asked him to do the birthday shop as a sort of 'test'. Well you have your answer. Whatever you choose to do, please put yourself and your children first. Don't sacrifice your health and wellbeing to hold together a family when the other half of your partnership clearly wouldn't do the same.

He puts himself first. Time you did the same. x

That is appalling behaviour from a grown up man with a wife and child. I have heard of teenage sons thinking the toilet was their wardrobe but he should have left that behaviour behind him.

I would have left it to him to clean up, it's disgusting, however if you're having a party later I suppose you felt you had to do it.

I'm so sorry.

After the party let him know how you feel in no uncertain terms and don't put up with it again.

You are a better person than me, I’d have gone absolutely ballistic there and then.

This sort of behaviour quite simply is not acceptable and is worth reconsidering your relationship with him over. He sounds like a horrible, selfish man who adds nothing to the lives of you or the children.

I hope your son has a lovely birthday today and you’ve managed to get some sleep.

I was the child who saw his father piss by the fireplace because he was so drunk he couldn’t understand anything. I also had the pleasure to assist to the fight that ensued afterwards between my parents. Whatever else my father did, that was the lowest point in our relationship, even more than him drunk driving (I was 8, so not understanding the full issue there). There’s something terribly upsetting in seeing such a vile and uncontrollable event happening in front of your eyes. And. There was no carpet to soak up the piss and stink forever. I know how it feels OP, but please leave this ‘man’ before your children have to go through what I have. Also, it’s not a coincidence that this happened the night before your child’s party.

I asked him to do the food shop and the cooking for this birthday tea as I've done them for both children and him for the past 7 years. He scoffed at me and said 'its a Mum job' then reluctantly agreed. Bus has he done a food shop? Nope!

It's just like he has zero respect for me.

Well, yeah. But unless he's been recently radicalised by the Rude Boys or Proud Boys or whatever they are, he never did have and never could have had any respect for you.

Why on earth would you even consider staying with a man who drives when drunk and treats you like absolute rubbish (I’m not even going to mention the pee incident-disgusting excuse for a human).

Sorry to say this OP, but if drunk driver killed one of your children and you found out his wife knew he had previously driven when drunk, what would you think of her for staying with someone like that?

I never say LTB, but please LTB.

Oh my! So much to unpack here. The wee is annoying and I've had it happen on my clothes. I was younger and more tolerant but he cleaned it up well and was apologetic. I think that the wee is the least of your worries.

He had a responsibility last night. We can all get carried away but the fact he will now be hungover and useless on his poor kids birthday and he didn't help because you're there to pick up the slack. Awful.

Could he have been driven home? Honestly, this is leave territory! He has shown he doesn't care about you, his son or anyone who happened to be on the road. At least you know it isn't personal...

I'm so sorry he's done this to you. I honestly wouldn't have the energy to go mad at him and would mentally check out from him and the relationship. You deserve better. Your children deserve better. Even if this is a one off it's an awful level.

I hope you can get through today. Thinking of you

drink driving also an immediate relationship ender for me. Disgusting selfish twat of a human.

that’s before I read anything else. I’m so sorry.

im fed up of hearing what women put up with from men. It’s all financial inequality that traps so many of us in this dynamic because we worry about how we’d support our kids alone.

This. Get legal advice, get Christmas out of the way and be done with this failed human.
Fucks sake. He should be in a zoo.

I hope your son has a lovely day. And I hope you give that disgusting pig hell.

Not today obvs, but ask him if he has a drink problem..
(He does) if he's not willing to accept this and take some action, start planning to leave, safely, or chuck him out. Things will not get better.

That aside, have a lovely day with DS.

OP leave him. He’s a disrespectful nasty prick! You can do better and deserve better. Come siding he considers some jobs a mums job ask him is his mum coming over to clean up his piss considering her little boy made the mess!

I’m fuming for you!

If you know he drove home, why haven't you called the police? Why would you let him get away with doing something like that? How would you feel if he'd killed someone? A family? A baby? A child whose birthday it is today? Fucks sake, like.

It's just like he has zero respect for me.

You’re downplaying it OP. Maybe without realising it. But it’s not “like” he has zero respect for you, he has zero respect for you.

Grit your teeth, get through today. I’m sure you’ll make it a great day for your son.

Tomorrow, you can plan your next steps. They cannot include staying. You know the detail of what he is like now, if you stay you are complicit in your DS growing up in this environment.