He's p*ssed on the bedroom floor

I wouldn't ask the mum about the piss in front of him. I'd pull her to one side and tell her you are so embarrassed for him, are worried about him and don't want to shame him but want to help so could she offer her advice?

Yes, I know all of this is passive aggressive but if the OP is not yet ready or able to leave then it is a way of coping with dealing with a man like that. Obviously from experience...

The drink driving is abhorrent. I would probably pretend to him I knew nothing about it but anonymously report it. Giving details of the pub and journey home so the police can check CCTV.

I guess at the back of my mind would be, if we split, would he drive drunk with my child in the car and I wouldn't be there to stop it. We all know the family court still gives access to abusers and says the mother is doing parental alienation...

In so sorry OP. What a pig. I hope DS has a lovely birthday and you sound like a brilliant mum

Everything else aside, there could be mittigating circumstances for (thought it sounds to be honest, it’s not the drinking it’s the husbanding and fathering that’s a problem) as I say all that aside the most disturbing and dangerous thing he did was drive while drunk. That alone would be me out, no way I could be married to anyone who could do that.

my ex piddling on the floor after a lot of booze was the first sign (that I ignored for too long) of his emerging alcoholism. Watch very carefully…

All of this.

disengage with him. Unattach. Do nothing for him. And certainly not any of his sides christmas shop.

You said you name changed for obvious reasons. What were the reasons? Was it so his pattern of poor behaviour wasnt pointed out?

what do you want to do and what options do you have?

You may not realise this OP but it's typical narcissistic behaviour to ruin special occasions.

You have my sympathy. I suspect that he's been abusive since you had the kids.

If you're not yet ready to leave then I would subtly go on strike.

Put those piss soaked clothes out in the back garden and leave them there. If they're still there in a week, they get binned. You have no idea what happened to those clothes...

Cook food you know he doesn't like and fein ignorance.

I would be coming home with something nice and noisy for your child to play with for his birthday and play some party music nice and loud at the party.

If he tries to start an argument, grey rock him.

I would do what a PP said and ask his mother if pissing in the floor is something he's done before and what did she do to get rid of the smell?

What the fuck is it with the plethora of drunk men who seemingly go around pissing in places in the home that they shouldn't, like feral dogs?! I have never in my life come across a woman who was so drunk that she opened the wardrobe door, or clambered in to some other place, squatted and took a piss. How utterly revolting and why are women putting up with these disrespectful, disgusting men who do this?! And to then find out he drove home and could have killed someone, and is a total misogynistic prick on top of all that! I bet he doesn't have an ounce of remorse or shame about it, and will have a jolly good laugh with his mates about the time he was so inebriated he pissed behind the bedroom door. Utterly revolting.

It makes me sad, angry and depressed that so many women have such low standards that they'll accept this kind of behaviour. Seriously, animals are better behaved.

Honestly op, barring a medical condition, I'm not sure I'd move past this. He has zero respect for you or your kids (bet he ruins your ds's birthday with his hangover too). He should have been made to clear it up and to be honest I'd have been tempted to rub his face in it first.

Please find your standards and realise you're worth more than a man who expects you to do all the wife work, drives home drunk, and pisses in a corner of your home (your home!!) like a feral cat or dog marking its territory.

Yuck.

He drove home? I’d be absolutely raging about that, much more so than the piss on the floor. A drunk driver killed one of the school mums in the early hours of the morning, the day her child turned 7. Every birthday she has is tainted by the anniversary of her mum’s death (she’s in her 20’s now). That could have been your child, but in that case it wouldn’t have been someone else being so reckless he killed 2 people, but he would have killed himself because he decided to get pissed and drive home. Why take the car to the pub? Leave it at home and get an uber.

Hope you have everything you need for today by now?

And that you can summon the energy and the positivity to make it happen. 🫂

(Please ensure the party is noisy.)

I wouldn't do any passive agressive going on strike or silent treatment stuff.

See how he behaves today - and take notes.

As soon as he's over the hangover, could you arrange for DC to be with someone, and have the conversation with him in private?

This is going to be incredibly difficult - but stay calm and control yourself. Tone, body language, words etc.

Set out exactly what he did, how it made you feel, how serious it is, how he could have killed someone.

Give him your ultimatum, your expectations for his future behaviour.

This is relationship ending or mending time.

Observe him.

And this sounds odd - but I would secretly record the conversation, and his reaction. You're going to need records.

Be prepared to be accused of nagging, being unreasonable.

Going forward, get him to have the carpet professionally cleaned.

Give your son the bestest birthday & enjoy the day. And I would honestly start to get your finances together, and consider if this man baby is who you want to spend the rest of your life with.
The drink driving is unacceptable as you’ve acknowledged. I’d be half tempted to report him for that tbh.

If a drink-driving partner loses his licence that may help OP and her children, as he will not be able to drink drive. Drink drivers can end up killing themselves, their partners, children, and others, serving prison sentences, and causing life-long losses and grief to others. Removing his licence would remove the risk of those things happening.

He has an alcohol problem.
My boyfriend when I was about 18 used to piss in the corner of the bedroom when he was really pissed/stoned. I found out years later he’d found sobriety.
Leave your husband, he brings nothing to the table. Do it for you and your kids.
Happy giving birth day 💐

I think there's not much for you to work with here and you may need to cut your losses. So sorry you have to go through this. But long term, I don't see how that human can transform into a person you would happily be married to or coparent with.

I hope you managed to get some sleep?

Dig deep and power through today. Harbouring murderous fantasies about DP might help.

This is so awful and so serious. What do you want to do? Report him for drink driving? Split up?

I couldn’t live with him but at the very least he needs to make some gigantic changes in his attitudes and behaviours. If he’s not up for that, then you will be better off without him.

To those telling OP to call the police and get his licence taken away, having a husband who can't drive his car for a year will not help OP nor her child.
To those judging OP for 'putting up with this', shame on you. All women suffer from patriarchy to a greater or lesser extent and I think we need to support each other not judge

I don’t know if it’s her husband, OP refers to him as DP.

Anyway that aside I haven’t RTFT and I don’t believe it’s helpful shaming the OP in this instance, but actually having his licence taken away may well help OP and her child.

If he ends up killing or harming someone and being in jail that would be even worse for their family as well as OPs conscience.

An early reply nailed it: “throw him away, he’s trash”. Read that and read it again and believe it. Honestly. Throw him away, he’s trash.

Does he have form for ruining birthdays/Xmas/things that are important to others?
Does he make days out difficult? Are holidays shit?
You will make today special because you're a fabulous mum.
But at some stage the kids will notice he spoils these moments in their lives.
Drink driving should be an automatic prison sentence, sadly it's not.
But it would be relationship ending for me.

Keep coming back for a rant and support op 💐

I’m so sorry OP, and I’m so glad your DS has you to make his birthday special. Focus on that for today, but I agree with other posters that I’d be considering whether to stay in this relationship.

Do you want his behaviour as an example to your DS?

I always agree with those who say drop him in it to him family. When someone says dinner looks good, "Thanks. X was meant to cook it but didn't. He went out and got drunk, drove home and peed on the floor!" I don't know why people cover up other's bad behaviour unless it's genuine mistakes they truly regret. They did it. They can own it in front of others.

Chuck him out. He’s a disgusting pig.

Sorry meant to say useful not awful

There are morning after calculators on line and for about 10 pints it takes 22 hours after the last drink to clear. He has taken himself out of being awful today.

I would positively project how you see your life in 12 months and do everything to achieve it . If that projection includes a loving partner you need to get a new one.

What an absolutely shit dad.

Get through it for your kids sake and remember they are what's important today :) deal with your knob head another day.

Also just be aware that is he was that drunk late into the evening he should not be driving for some time today as he will still be over the limit.