Should I give inlaws £100 for heating now?

This is so true. My DH and I are in our 70s, and he feels the cold so much more than me. I'm comfortable at 18/19 degrees, he'd have it set at 24 which I find actively uncomfortable. There's not much more clothing that I can take off, so he has an oodie and a heated cushion. In our case it's nothing to do with coercion or parsimony, simply different body thermostats.

My parents only turned the heating on for guests.

The house got damp inside the walls and had to be heated, dehumidified then redecorated.

That cost way more than putting the heating on.

Where money isn't a problem I really don't understand this mentality. And that he doesn't even care that his own wife is cold is appalling.

Personally, if my DH tried that he'd never hear the end of it.

I would feel ashamed if any visitors staying in my home felt the need to ask for the heating to be turned on!
The OP FIL sounds like a miserable, controlling, self-centred scrooge to be honest.
We are both in our 70's and dress for the seasons - so accept that thin tops and tee shirts aren't practical in cold weather - BUT when the temperature drops we rank up the heating and we would not want guests, either family or friends, to feel uncomfortable.

@Nanny0gg when I was a girl my family home had no central heating. Just a coal fire in the front room. I had ice on the inside of the windows in winter so I really appreciate the central heating now!!

I would do that. If your mother in law is wrapped up with a hot water bottle and shivering I do not understand why she doesn't put the heating on. I presume father in law rules the roost but he is unreasonable. We have heating because of cold spells like this one for goodness sake, the man cannot expect his wife and you to be miserably cold.

I'm 68,the heating is on. It's not an age thing, it's a short arms and long pockets thing. Some people are just miserly and miserable.
I'd offer to pay the bill this month or go elsewhere. Being cold is just misery.

OP said that she would be happy to go to an AirBnB but it would cause a scene. ILs can't have it both ways, refusing to put the heating on but being annoyed if OP and her DH want to leave to stay somewhere warm.

Not only hypothermia but blood can clot at lower temperatures, especially risky for elderly.

I'm in a 4 bed semi in the SE and my monthly heating bill (combined elec/gas) is currently £280 per month. I'm not on a fixed tariff so theirs could be less if they're in a deal.

If FIL never has the heating on then I'd suggest their monthly bill is a lot less (defo got mine on atm!) I think £400 is therefore too much to offer. I'd have thought £300 would be more than enough to offer for all bills.

Edited to add, if he still says no then you know it's a control issue and I'd definitely consider an airbnb instead. He doesn't seem bothered about upsetting you and you'd be reasonable to tell him it's because his house is too cold for you to be comfortable.

It's not that irrational to deny yourself extra warmth, especially if the warmth comes at financial and ecological cost.
I know of loads of people who feel they are living "healthier" when it's a bit cold indoors. The air is fresher, you are less inclined to slump so it keeps you more active, there's always extra clothes, all that. We don't live that way ourselves, we like our heating on , but I'm surprised at how many people here see it as a must. All things considered, it is a luxury, there will always be things you can spend the same money on of more lasting consequence.
Op's scenario doesn't have to be anything sinister or controlling or mean, it's just two very different sets of needs and expectations from the heating.
So I'm going with the "stay somewhere else" suggestion.

I should add, we have the opposite issue when we stay with my 83 yo DM, she cranks up the heating, we almost die of heat exhaustion, she wont turn it down, we end up having to keep going out for fresh air. Indoors we wear vests and sloppy trousers, nights are quite a difficult sleep. It can be unpleasant, we have cut visits short for it, but it's not something we'd force. We get to stay in her house, so it's her rules, her needs, her habits.

You could suggest a contribution to finances pointing out that would include heating. May not work of course.

I'd be gone and leaving dh to explain why.

Oh god, the 'no?' thing 😂
Anyway no, they're all family anyone can say something. Even if they weren't they can still say something

Some folk seem to have a 'thing' about heating even if they aren't hard up. They seem to find it a waste of money. I hate being cold so I have the heating on. I'd rather cut back on something else. Sometimes though there isn't much to cut back on. This doesn't seem to be the case with your relatives. Not sure if I'd offer them money. They might be offended.

I would just say that it’s been really kind of them to let you stay, but it’s too cold for you, so you are getting an air bnb or hotel. I cannot stand to be cold, so I would have to leave.

£600? Dream on. It’s one payment per pensioner household, not per pensioner. For those that qualify, the payment is £200 under 80, £300 for those 80 and over. We are pensioners in our late 70s, when the payment was universal, we got £100 each. The amounts haven’t changed.

@Meloney Your poor MIL! We have the heating on when it’s cold, even though we aren’t wealthy, we recognise the need for warmth.

Those small heaters cost a lot of money to run. I think it’s out of order to use one in someone else’s house without discussion. More pertinently, I would be surprised if your FIL isn’t keeping an eye on the electricity meter and if he is, it will immediately be obvious that you have started using an electric heater.

It’s better to be upfront. Have a respectful discussion acknowledging his viewpoint but making the point that you would like to get to a position where you are comfortable in the home too. Offer money because you acknowledge that your presence is disrupting their previously established dynamic, and have a discussion about what would be a reasonable amount.

Leave out the fact that your MIL is clearly not comfortable with the current situation. Pointing out his shortcoming in not seeing to the comfort of his wife will not get you what you want!

Buy MIL one of those headed electric pads plus an oodie and thermal slipper socks.

Give your FIL money for heating

I'm slightly younger than the ILs but have a similar attitude to CH. I grew up without it and it has to be very cold for me to turn it on. At the moment I'm wearing normal day clothes (jeans, cashmere jumpers, t shirts, uggs). If I get cold I add a down gilet. If I'm still cold I add a full length fleece dressing gown or Oodie. If I'm still cold I might put the heating on.
At night, I actively prefer a cold room and keep my windows open all year round. I own a variety of throws, bedspreads duvets, and different weight pjs and mix and match them over the year to ensure that I'm always cosy even in sub zero temperatures.

I feel I'm winning at life if it's a cold day but the smart meter still indicates I've been frugal with fuel! If I can keep warm without turning the heat on I'd rather save the money to spend on fun things.

So I'm going to go against the grain here - if your ILs choose to live a certain way ( not dictated by budget restrictions) and it's not effecting their health I think it's rude bordering on arrogant to expect them to change to suit your preferences whilst they are giving you free bed and board.

I know people in their 80s who don't have central heating. That said, they have a gas fire and various electric heaters so I've never been cold there.

This. Please get hervan electric blanket that's horrible

Tell him he’s at risk of damp and damaging his house which will cost a lot to fix.

Or they’ll start getting sick.

You're adults, they're adults. You can choose to be warm or freezing. Personally, I'd choose warm, and booking an Airbnb sounds a lot easier than arguing with FIL.

It is really freezing right now. You can't live in a place where the FIL says you can't have heating on. It's insane.

Agree