Should I give inlaws £100 for heating now?

I'm sure you are right. Maybe lots worked for cash in hand and were never in the system and/or opted out of state pensions, especially married women.

£400 for a month may be too much. Our gas is £5-£6 per day including standing charge, hot water/showers and hob and it's on all day at 20°C (15°C at night).

Also @Meloney I don’t know if this would make any difference at all to FiL (prob not!) but do they have thermostatic valves on the radiators? You could turn off ones you don’t need and only heat your bedroom / living room for MiL (if she wants it)

I’m a lot younger but this is how we live too.

@Meloney I would buy an oil filled heater for your room, oodies and heated sheets/blankets. It’s only for a month.

Just imagine what he's like when your not there.

I would be very worried about MIL

My dad is late eighties.
To be honest though i work in benefits advice for older people so hear about the finances of a lot of older people and there are still an awful lot of women in their seventies and eighties who have extremely low state pensions indicating that either they have not worked much or were self employed and never paid their NI contributions. Like you say it could be that they worked very part time. of course my view is probably skewed though because those coming to our service for benefits advice are likely to be on a lower income.

I bought an electric sofa blanket this week, 1p per hour to run and saves me heating the whole house while I'm sat in one room all day.
Would MIL like it?

...Also, did he not acknowledge that he equally relied fully on her to care for their child(ren) all day - or was that just assumed to be a given?

I've only known 90+ yr olds live like this tbh. Every single mum I knew as a child, worked. Term time, part time, sometimes full time but they worked. That generation are in their mid 90s now.

But did he ever happily spend money on things that he wanted and enjoyed, even though your Mum couldn't have cared less about them?

There's no guarantee he'd put the heating on to an adequate temperature even if you gave him £1000. He likes the control.

Fuck him. Go to a air b&b or guest House. Tell him to shove it.

It' often the much older generations where there is this controlling of the heating. many older women never really worked outside of the home and the men controlled the finances. My parents were like this, my dad doesn't feel the cold and my mum really did and it caused arguements and she felt she didn't really have too much of a say as she had no pension and relied on my dad all her life for money. My dad wasn't abusive just very careful as there was only ever one wage/ pension coming in.

His argument that it's not yet winter - which is technically true - is nonsensical. You need heating when you need heating.

It's like those drivers who firmly believe that headlights are only for use at night and thus never think to use them on a grim, dreich, foggy day with very low visibility, just because the clock happens to say 1pm.

I'm 66 and wouldn't be standing for this. I've only seen this in one couple I know who are 75.

Like another current thread on here, do these people actually realise how dangerous a constantly cold home is to their health? The body needs to keep the inner core warm to protect vital organs. Hands and feet do not get the normal blood flow nor does the brain and the blood thickens slightly.
Heart attacks and strokes are very common among the eldery when it's cold.

I live in a big apartment (more floor area than most family houses) at the top of a 400 year old, draughty, uninsulated house in an exposed position. I’m all electric, I put heating on when I need it (sometimes in the summer, if it’s chilly) and I spend less than you. Either:
The utility company is overcharging you or
You have made a typo or
This is simply not true.

Hmmm. DH and I are 61 and I don't recognise that dynamic between us at all, or among my similarly aged close friends. Perhaps you can have different "generations" within a similar age bracket? Having said that, my parents' marriage was pretty equal.

And our heating is very much on because (a) we both hate being cold and (b) DH has no idea how to operate the thermostat 😄

Does he have the heating control app on his phone? Insist on it being on yours since you are at home. I couldn't live like this, not even being able to control my own heating.

Get some fleecey blankets, hot water bottles and thermals.
Unfortunately, much as it sounds awful, you cannot force someone to put the heating on if they insist on not doing so.
I'd still offer them some money when you leave, for them letting you stay there and toward the general bills.
Alternatively book yourself some other accommodation.

My father (62) can be like this too. But it's been normalised in their generation? It's sad.

Oy - less of the ageism please!

I'm 66 and DH is 72. We are equal. No misogyny in this household.

I would buy a small heater for your bedroom. Sneak it in if you have to.

I really struggle to relate to people who can afford it wilfully depriving themselves of a warm home.

Sure, we should all use CH carefully for financial and environmental reasons and I still only put mine on when it’s really cold and jumpers, blankets and wool socks don’t feel like enough, but as someone who grew up in a house with no heating or insulation in the 1990s and got chest infections every year it just irritates me when people refuse to switch it on when they or someone in the house is suffering. If they end up sick that’s taking up NHS time too. Just find another way to cut back.

As others have said it sounds like a control thing and I think the media attention around energy bills in recent years has played into it. I would definitely give him money for it.

So what does your oh say seeing as it's his parents ?

I see a lot of older people in their homes as part of my job and they are often reluctant to put the heating on even when financially comfortable. They invariably also love to moan about being financially squeezed whilst having incomes of £600 a week to live off and no housing costs ( have seen a few examples of this over the last couple of weeks). It baffles me why you would stay cold when you can afford not to be. Anyway in answer to your question yes I would offer money or buy yourselves a heather for your room.