Should I give inlaws £100 for heating now?

I’m older than that and there’s absolutely no way it’s been ‘normalised’ for me, or for friends and siblings of similar ages. Nor was it, I might add, for my DPs, who were born in 1916 and 1918.

I do wish some MNers would stop making these sweeping generalisations about people of a different generation.

All these threads today have made me very grateful for my parents (mid-70’s) and their roasting house! They would have grown up in cold houses and we didn’t have central heating until 1989, so they really appreciate a toasty house now.

I hate the ageism on these threads.

My dad is in his late 80s. He isn't controlling or abusive and he wouldn't find that normal. My DH is only 5 years younger than your dad, and he wouldn't find that behaviour normal or acceptable either.

Abusive people can be found in all generations. Age is neither a reason nor an excuse.

no it has absolutely NOT been normalised in their generation, that is an excuse for abusive behaviour. I am in my 70's. I am not saying that abusive domineering people don't exist in my generation, or in my parents' generation come to that, but it is neither normal nor accepted. Don't excuse your inlaws or your parents by tarring us all with that brush.

I’m 69 so that’s my generation, and no, it’s not normalised, it’s controlling! I don’t think it was normalised in my parents generation!!

It sounds like.

so many threads about this reg old people not wanting to put the heating in. Did they grow up without heating? Surely is not healthy if you are always in an environment under 15 degrees; specially for old people

My mums place was always too hot - all those years at freezing boarding school in rural Ireland and she felt being warm was money well spent!
I turned the heating on two weeks ago as I had guests staying. I don't tend to heat bedrooms as I'm only there at night under the covers, but downstairs is set at 18 and I don't turn it off. I live in a three bed plus study terrace and my gas bill is £65/month on standing order and I have my gas fire on most nights too.
Being warm is basic.

This!! There is another thread on here asking if people leave the heat on overnight and many people are saying that they had no central heating when they were children and cannot stand it on at night or too hot in the day and they shove on extra layers and then layers on the layers. Well that is their choice and fair enough but, like my parents, I was cold as a child with no choice and as soon as we moved out of our condemned house and did have a choice, we swore never to be cold again. (I am in my 70's)

Did your MIL go out to work?

OTOH a DSis’s FiL, who lived in the N of Scotland, would never visit during the summer because it was ‘too hot’ - DSis and BiL lived in Yorkshire!

That reminds me of the friend whose mother wouldn't visit him in Fife, even in summer, because it was so cold. She lived in Manchester, so not hugely warmer and almost certainly wetter.

Can't bear being cold in someone else's house let alone a close relative's where there's no need to be 'polite'. Seems very odd that your MIL sits there rugged up and doesn't mind.
If your FIL has an App, you should be able to control the heating still via each radiator (we have an App too but you can still control each rad separately), however I'd probably just find an AirBnB locally and stay there in the warm!

what does it matter? it is a thread providing swapped stories, exclamation, comparison, correction (WFP)

Think money up front is better than afterwards.

you use pound notes ?

O yes, absolutely, this is one of my rants, a grey or silver car on a grey road, in gloom with no lights on, on a country lane especially, coming at me. I’m not a flasher usually, but I flash lights at these motorised morons.

Well said. What do you think OP could he?

I'm also of a certain age and do not intend to be cold in my house ever again. We did enough of that when I was young virtually no heating in the house at all, and classic ice on the inside of the windows in winter, if I can afford the heating (which fortunately I can) it's on if it's cold.

If we go to an Airbnb it will cause a bit of a scene I think.

I'd rather than the scene than go along with your FILs cruel ways. Unless he has some cognitive impairment he knows his wife and family are shivering, refuses to make it warm and dictates that everyone go along with it. Sounds like his lived his life having people fear him.
I wouldn't be giving them money when that's not the issue.

i wouldn't give them the money up front because you have no guarantee that he would then put the heating on. Honestly I think there isn't a way to solve this peaceably.....I bet if you bought your own heat or heated throws and used them that would cause trouble. If I were you and I could afford it, I'd move out.

I would offer them the money or get some kind of heat source. Or find somewhere else to stay! I could understand if they were struggling with the bill but not if they can easily afford it. It's unreasonable of them.

Can we not have the casual ageism that all older people sit shivering regardless of how much money they have. I am neither rich nor poor but older and have my heating on whenever it feels chilly..so constantly on just now. I did once stay with a wealthy friend abroad and when it was forty degrees in a heatwave we were allowed aircon on an hour a day in the bedrooms before going to bed. We were all young then, so nothing about age and everything about control. And I am neutral about the cut to heating benefit because there are huge differences in how much money older people have. The state pension is one of the lowest in Europe and in this country the year you retired also affects what you get for state pension. The state pension is very small and you were not allowed to pay into a works pension if you worked part time until I think late 70s and even then many of us didn’t realise the law had changed. My works pension is about nine thousand a year.

Can your DH not say, 'Dad it's bloody freezing around here, turn the bleep bleep heating on, I will pay the bill.', 'You may be used to being this cold, but we are not and I can't stand to see my wife shivering.'

some may but that is a stunning generalisation.