Should I give inlaws £100 for heating now?

Sounds like DP doesn't give a fuck that his partner is uncomfortably cold and his mother is freezing. Good luck with him.

If he's known for being like that why on earth did you choose to stay with them.

@Grmumpy my comment wasn't meant to be ageist. My dad is 80 and doesn't see the need for central heating. He has the money just doesn't believe in it. 🫤

Oh I fully agree - the domineering man of the house vibe is 100% abusive and controlling. My father (62) can be like this too. But it's been normalised in their generation? It's sad

I really have to take issue with this , I’m late 50s and my husband is in his 60s and I don’t see this kind of relationship with domineering men being anymore prevalent in our generation than any other . It is certainly not normalised . 60-70 is not old anymore . When I first read this thread last night I assumed your in-laws were 80/90 as my MIL is in her 90s and very averse to spending money . If your 62 yo father is abusive and controlling that is your familys problem , don’t tar all people of that age with the same brush .

He could say that and the dad may or may not accept it. But if they are used to living in a cold house (as I am) it might end up making the ILs uncomfortably warm. Why should they spend money (theirs or someone else's) and burn fuel to feel uncomfortable in their own home?

Our 4 bed, two adults, house costs over £300 a month to keep cold in the winter months, we have the heating on for an hour morning and evening plus keep the sitting room warm at between 20 and 22.
I shower every day at the gym.
At the moment our bedroom is at 13. Degrees but we have an electric blanket which is very cheap to run.
Our adult son is living with us this winter and bills are up.
An extra £400 for heating for a winter month is probably about right. Terrifying.
Three years ago I kept the house warm for £700 a year.

Agreed my DF is older and wouldn’t dream of behaving like that.

@RamonaRamirez we have a four bed Victorian house so almost certainly less well insulated than yours. Our gas and electric is £280 a month. The difference is that our heating has been on for weeks and we use the gas fire liberally.

Your bills don’t sound right at all or you’re on a terrible tariff that should be changed.

Then your FiL is a crazy old abusive twat. 😳
Sorry.

Same here.

It is not normalized in that age group. My husband is 60 and is nothing like that. Nor are most of the men I know in that age bracket.

I hope you don't mind me saying this, but this is not the first post of yours I have read that suggests your husband doesn't treat you very well. I hope you are OK.

I’m always colder in other people’s homes, possibly because we tend to sit down more, whether dining, conversing or just not wanting to be in the way, whereas at home I potter, can change clothes more readily, wear thick arctic socks and one
unforgettable winter when the oil truck (or any vehicle) could not navigate the icy sunless back lane safely and I was ekeing out the logs, a woolly hat! in my house!
I would not dress so in someone else’s home.

Older people who sit through the day, having cups of tea and biscuits brought to them, rather than being encouraged to make a pot of tea themselves, for instance, tend to feel the cold and become obsessed with draughts.

I want to advocate for those of you in cold draughty houses, a Hara Maki, a ribbed one if possible, covers your vitals, amazing difference, or, a ribbed vest top, to cling.
I bought mine in Next, thin fine fabric which doesnt feel as cumbersome as a vest.

My df was an engineer, fixed timed gadgets on all radiators, making sure the one in their small bathroom was permanently off.
Power and control.

Rows and pleading. Sisterly intervention. Sulks and slamming about (df) awful petulant behaviour in a 3 bed 30’s detached well insulated, thickly carpeted, porched, heavy curtained house with a bitterly cold bathroom.

btw
The one single difference we made to our house was not opening the front north facing door and letting Mr Cold Wind in to race around the house, but to hang a very heavy door curtain, bought at a saleroom, clean and unused, £6.00, at the front door then use the side door into the utility room, a much better arrangement.

The hall became transformed, warm, cosy, and quiet, so that
when we opened the living room door the heat from the fire could
make its way to the landing withut being sucked out of the front door.

Being cold is debilitating and inhibits movement. Pp remarking that it is unhealthy are correct. I have stayed with people in homes you could see your breath, especially in rural exposed areas, solid fuel or oil dependent because they are hardy and believe everyone else need to be too. It’s not civilised in this time to be unconcerned about the comfort of guests - and wife !

OP this is for your dh to tackle, financial inducements or an arrangement should already be in place, that it isn’t yet Winter is bloody minded, irrational and callous.

I'm older than your Mum and grew up in poverty too - outside loo till I was 3 years old and no heating or hot water in the house.

My attitude now is we can afford heating and I want to be warm.

It's not about age - it's about your parents.

Sounds like my ex-MIL who worked for a couple of years before getting married and then never again, but always went on about people on benefits draining the country dry while hard-working taxpayers paid for it all. She paid no taxes.

Yes.

They sound a bit bonkers.

We're almost the same age and have a large house and the heating is on from 7am - 10pm at 22 C.

Our utility costs at the moment in colder weather are around £180 a month.
That includes gas and electric.

ODFOD
That's really ageist and completely inaccurate.
I'm in that generation and honestly don't know any men my age like that.
My Dad's age yes, not mine
You need to remember that controlling abusive men can be any age.

My in-laws lived in Scotland, they kept the thermostat at 14. In the winter I'd always wear clothes under my pj's or I couldn't sleep. Single beds too so we couldn't even cuddle up to get warm.

This is crazy. Why the hell is your MIL putting up with this controlling behaviour? It's been -7 here this week!!!

Option 1 - air b and b. Would be much easier nicer etc

Option 2 - DH confronts FIL about how controlling he is.

Option 3 - oil follows radiator and electric blanket.

It's mad, isn't it? An equivalent might be somebody who grew up in poverty who gets successful and comfortably off, yet still prefers to live a spartan, wretched life, lacking any pleasant home comforts, because 'that's what they're used to'!

None of us on here over 30 grew up even knowing what the Internet was - but here we all are, still happily and gratefully benefiting from it now!

So what does your oh say OP? Can't he give them the money and say put the heating on?
With it being his parents and all that?

Get the app on your phone too - then you can run it when you like.