…to ask what to do about my former employer trying to ruin my life any way they can for their own amusement?

please read the posts about safer recruitment.

I’m pretty sure you don’t want an unreliable nurse or carer with professional incompetencies looking after you and your loved ones.

Something else to consider is your TOIL. Was the hours officially banked? In lots of workplaces, there is an expectation to complete work within the agreed hours. Regularly working additional hours can be a sign that either the employee has too much work or isn't managing their workload. It would be usual for the employee and line manager to discuss it. From the pov of the employer, an excess of additional hours to be taken back can be a red flag in itself.

This is a good point. And coupled with the 'few weeks off', it makes me wonder if it wasn't so much that you'd done lots of extra hours so we're owed TOIL, but maybe you weren't managing to get all your work done as you'd been off so much. That may not be the case, but it's an odd combination to be off so much and yet still have time owed during probation. All adds to the picture of this not being the right workplace for you anyway. I also agree that if the new co asked virtually any further questions about your reasons for leaving, your manager wouldn't be able to impart that info positively regardless of ego. The bottom line is that you were let go because of your own actions, so better to own that, get help with your MH and start over, not including this role on your cv.

And to be honest if the new place is seeing a bog standard reference as a “safeguarding issue” then I wouldn’t want to work for them anyway.

Whether you agree with why I needed TOIL or not, it is wrong that my employer are still trying to sabotage my future employment just because of ego or to make a point

Jeez you're over dramatic. Between this & the thread title.

That's not what's happening. Your ex employer has, as about a dozen folk have already said, given a standard reference. For some reason the other employer seems to want more. The issue is with them if it's with anyone.

Your previous employer isn't sabotaging anything

So you’ve just lost your job over this cat. This cat is expensive and adding to your financial stresses.

I mean maybe you just…don’t let this cat ruin your life?

I did call and text, they weren’t replying and my OCD was going into overdrive about how it would be all my fault if the cat was dying and I was just sat at home working in a job where I was treated like shit constantly.

@Renegader, along with others I hope you are able to get support for your health. I think you would have made different decisions if you had been well.

Safer recruitment has been mentioned - in health it's often known as fit and proper persons rules. For some roles, employers have a regulatory responsibility to confirm the reason for leaving a job. You might want to look for jobs with less strict recruitment requirements for a time so that you can rebuild your CV.

Something else to consider is your TOIL. Was the hours officially banked? In lots of workplaces, there is an expectation to complete work within the agreed hours. Regularly working additional hours can be a sign that either the employee has too much work or isn't managing their workload. It would be usual for the employee and line manager to discuss it. From the pov of the employer, an excess of additional hours to be taken back can be a red flag in itself.

Op you have lots of good advice and information on this thread, just to mention about your point of 'safeguarding ' and being made to feel like a 'pervert' - in this context it's much more likely that by 'safeguarding' the prospective employer is using it in the context of not being able to take a risk on someone who has failed probation at another job. They have vulnerable clients and need to protect them by having consistent, reliable staff. There are other considerations for charities; recruiting is expensive, managing staff through HR/disciplinary type issues is difficult and expensive and they don't want to take the risk.
I'm sorry but they are well within their rights to decline your job offer on the basis of a failed probation and your sickness record, so you don't have any scope to 'prove' that your last employer was unfair. They have enough factual information to rescind the offer.

Please focus on your mental health, perhaps look at low pressure ways to build up your CV again and I'm sure you'll be able to get something in future

AIBU really is the worst place for employment advice.

Sorry - wrong post quoted. (Not had caffeine yet!)

So you aren’t employing client facing staff in a mental health setting like the OP’s employer then……….

🙄

OP is clearly an employment liability at the moment and somehow that message has got through to the new employer.

OP needs to take some responsibility and learn from this in readiness for the challenges of whatever she does next.

Oh lord OP, you seem to have your priorities very mixed up! You didn't 'have to' physically go to the vets to 'check up' on a stray cat. That could have waited until you did not have paid work commitments!

You don't seem to have any idea at all how the real world of adults works 🤷‍♀️ Time to grow up.

I hire people and only ask 4 questions in a reference check:

1. Dates of employment
2. Job title
3. Reason for leaving
4. Would you rehire the person?

For you, the reason for leaving would be given as failed probation. The answer to 4 would therefore be no automatically.
I'd fail probation for more than 1 absence/3 days in a 6 month period unless extreme circumstances.
Probation is you on your best behaviour so if you are already questionable on probation, a manager will assume that you will be a nightmare to manage once employment rights kick in.
I assume you are quite young and I don't feel that society is setting young people up for success.

You go to work, arrive and leave on time. Dress and behave appropriately. Your boss is not your mum. Don't tell them all your personal details.
Why does a boss of such a short period know you have debt and all the other personal things about your life?
Save it for friends and family.

probation is a red herring. No employment rights re unfair dismissal (unless on grounds of a protected characteristic) for 2 years. The OP went AWOL.

I think you need to accept responsibility yourself for not getting this job. You didn't get the job because of how you conducted yourself in your last job. That's how references work. If your last employer was asked specific questions about your non attendance or attitude to authority and employment, they couldn't lie.

You took a lot of sick leave, you left work without permission, you wasted work time fretting about a cat, you shared information about your relative's MH problems and your financial struggles. These are all things you have admitted you did. No employer would have accepted all this during probation.

You need to leave this job off your CV next time.

I think so too and this is somewhat being overlooked. A few weeks off in 7 months is a lot and then suddenly leaving (it’s sudden if only a half hour notice) without it being approved.

In probation you are looking for how well a new employee performs but also their dedication, fit into the team and overall fit, attitude etc. Too much absence, leaving suddenly, catastrophising language (sabotaging my life, bullying manager, etc) are all serious red flags.

What strikes me most about this post is the amount of people who have basically all
said the same thing to the OP and she still doesn’t understand it’s on her. The reason she failed her probation, the standard reference response and Continued excuses and justifications but no real responsibility taken.

I do really hope the stops for a second and starts to understand her part in this and not blame everyone else.

Basic references are normal, seems absolutely extraordinary to withdraw a job offer on the basis of one.

Be mad at this new company, your old employers have done nothing wrong.

And a fourth screenshot

I downloaded the Safer Recruitment toolkit and here are some screenshots about thee content of references.

It includes the duty on your former employer to comment on suitability to work with those at risk. Sickness should be included and reason for leaving.

It also says reasons for failing probation should be included. If your former employer didnt include that information, they may have been justified in withdrawing your offer of employment.

It’s time for you to take responsibility for yourself and stop blaming others.

You took unauthorised leave from work to visit a cat that wasn’t yours.

A lot of companies only give basic references and if they gave an enhanced truthful reference there will have been huge red flags raised.

once you take accountability for your actions life will get easier

This post is so sensible, please pay attention to it OP.

You were employed to work full time, that's valid reason enough for refusing a leave request which itself doesn't have a valid reason underlying it.. If an employee wants time off suddenly at no notice, it is the employee who needs a valid reason. Wanting to visit a vet to find out something they could have checked on by phone doesn't qualify.

OP you've had lots of feedback about your own attitude to being an employee. The world does not owe you a living.

Your best bet is to take some time to consider what employment can provide you with what you need (flexibility, nurturing, empathy, sympathy, no rules, no authority and time off at the drop of a hat) and seek that.

Or change your attitude to employment and think about what an employer needs: reliability, presence, able to follow instruction, able to work without supervision. You'll have a wider pool of jobs with the 2nd option

What you do in this situation is leave that employer off your cv.

You took several weeks sick leave during a short period and unauthorised absence to visit in person a cat that wasn’t yours. This was during your probation period where most people would be expecting to see you deliver your very best.

With that in mind the most you can hope for is a neutral reference, which is what they gave you. At your next job don’t make the same mistakes and actually turn up to work.

You took time off when you were refused and wonder why you were sacked? As others have said you should have waited till the end of the day! YABU.

To be honest, a few weeks sick leave is more than enough to fail probation, without going AWOL. In my work, it’s 2 days sick leave in the 6 months probation that you can take. They should have addressed that and failed the probation. So even without the cat situation, I can see why you failed. I do agree that in a small sector it’s likely a phone call took place, or perhaps the old manager refused to answer some questions. In the past when i’ve been given as a reference there’s been some questions posed like ‘what was their time keeping like’. If someone declined to answer then yes it would make me think there’s a problem.

Sympathise about the cat, as a huge animal lover i’d have probably helped the cat too. But you cannot go AWOL in a job, its not acceptable.