…to ask what to do about my former employer trying to ruin my life any way they can for their own amusement?

You don't seem to quite grasp what has happened.

I'm sure the people who asked for their wellbeing hour, albeit last minute, had their request granted.

You made a request and it was denied but you left anyway. There is a big difference.

Whilst it is quite common to give a basic reference, your former employer would be within their rights to say that your probation was terminated due to you taking unauthorised absence & this is most probably what they have done “off the record”
. Ignoring your line manager and taking the time off regardless is not something that’s going to go down well with a new employer - I would have got rid of you too I’m afraid
The best you can do is miss this employer off your future job applications. Maybe go back to volunteering while you are applying for jobs so that the unemployed gap isn’t too big .

My last employer was public sector and would only give basic references. Managers were forbidden from doing more than this. I'd worked there for 20 years, too. It's possible that you dodged a bullet with that job offer, although it must be very upsetting.

Maybe he felt terrible because of your mental health issues but, in truth, you weren’t the best employee?

I wouldn’t give you a good reference either tbh. I would do what PP suggested further up and leave it on a gap on your CV. Can you say you’ve been caring for a family member?

It’s not sabotage though really. It’s just a basic reference which is reasonable given the circumstances. Maybe he has since been instructed that he is only to give a basic one.

A failed probation is never going to lead to a glowing reference is it.

You're clearly having a tough time at the moment but it doesn't seem to the majority here that anyone agrees your ex-employer is 'out to get you'.

I understand that when going through tough times it's sometimes easier to pin it on an external factor but I don't think you can do that here.

You clearly cared for the cat but the judgement you made was short-sighted and rightly cost you your job as you took unauthorised time off work during a probationary period when you can be let go for much, much less.

Definitely send a copy of your payslips to DWP to show the advance had been deducted to be repaid. I presume it is their responsibility to follow this up with your ex-employer however AIBU isn't the board to query that on, particularly given you seem unwilling to accept the verdict that you were in fact unreasonable.

Work on accepting it for what it was, a mistake, and move on.

They refused you TOIL but you took it anyway over a cat that you handed over to a cat rescue? Am I understanding this correctly?

The lady who worked at the vet ran a cat rescue on the side and persuaded me to hand him over

I agree with Tinky. You requested leave and it was denied. You could have called. You chose to leave without permission.

Yes, she's confirmed it.

This whole thread is insane 🤣. How old are you, OP?

You can't request time off, have the request declined and leave anyway, not unless it's a dire emergency, and even then, you risk losing your job as a result.

Going to the vet to check on the random cat you felt sorry for and didn't even belong to you does not constitute a dire emergency.

They were right to fail your probation and I'm not sure what kind of reference you expected in the circumstances.

The only slightly off thing on their part is your manager agreeing to provide a good reference and then reneging.

They aren't ruining your life and you need to wise up about what's acceptable in the workplace.

You requested leave and the request was refused. You took the leave anyway.
This would not be tolerated in many workplaces especially when on probation.
YABU

Whilst I’m not sure why on earth you would leave work unauthorised for something that could have been a phone call, in answer to your question, yes ex-bosses can make your life harder with a basic reference. I have had three job offers withdrawn because my former employer gave me basic references and that wasn’t considered satisfactory. I did some agency work and then used the agency as a reference. Depending on the sector you work, that might be your best option.

There is a distinction between employer references (which typically will be completed by HR, are very succinct and essentially just confirm that the individual was employed in x role between x date and x date), and personal references which will go into more detail around an applicant’s skills, capabilities, character etc and can be from colleagues, managers etc.

There are only a few people who I have worked for and with over my 25+ years in the workplace that I would consider putting down as the latter. They are people who really understood and appreciated the complexity of the role I did and my contributions and capabilities and I trust them implicitly to give an honest, positive assessment of my professional performance and potential.

Could you contact the new company and see if there was confusion between the type of reference they were looking for and, if they need a personal one, give them an alternative person to contact who won’t sabotage your chances?

Has OP confirmed they asked for time off and left work anyway when it was refused?

I think your reaction to everything just sounds negative.

it is normal for employers to give basic references, I work for a government department and this is our policy. 100,000s of people have/are employed here so that’s a huge volume of people that won’t have personal references! If this one employer thought that was a red flag, then it seems like they’re inexperienced with recruitment. Not all ex employees want to share the nitty gritty in references to avoid legal issues.

with benefits you tend to be able to ask for reconsiderations of decisions and deferrals so maybe see what support they can provide

with the dismissal, frankly it seems like a bad place to work so it was only inevitable for issues to occur. I wouldn’t trust a word your ex manager said. He totally wanted you gone.

This has got to be a piss take surely @Renegader?

Absolutely no way could you possibly expect for you to pass probation on you basically leaving your workplace without authorisation? You asked for TOIL, you were not granted it and then decided to leave anyway?

Your post is peppered with an air of entitlement. I'm assuming the prosepctive employer simply phoned your old workplace to ask why the short stay/did you complete your probationary period and they told the truth.

I'm not sure what you expect!

It's very nice you've taken care of the cat but it's extremely unprofessional to take time off work when it was unauthorised and you were still on probation.

The employee was write to let you go as you treated them with contempt.

The reasons people take off from work and seem to think their managers are unreasonable for pulling them up are just getting wilder and wilder, honestly. It's usually the younger Gen Z staff pulling this crap (we had one took a 2hr lunch to go shop for a college prom outfit!) but not exclusively.

@Renegader surely you realised they would sack you if you left work when permission had been expressly denied?

It seems bizarre your new employer should class the basic tombstone type reference as a red flag. You were there for 7 months. As others say, just supply another reference from a different employer. If the cat hating guy was honest he could've said 'she failed her probation. She took unauthorised TOIL'. So the less he's got to say about you the better quite frankly. I hope you get a new job soon.

Seems like it would be good for you to understand a few things clearly.

You absolutely can be let go when you are in probation for any reason whatsoever. It isn’t nice but employers are allowed to do it.

You cannot take time off in lieu if it hasn’t been approved. Ever. Even if you feel justified. You fired yourself for this action while on probation. You employer isn’t at fault.

They aren’t been unkind or unjustified.

Now to get to the crux of your post. Most employers will not give any reference other than a basic role and dates at the company. They gave you a standard reference. Your manager will have been told to give the company response despite potentially wanting to give a more positive reference.

The reason you probably didn’t get the job is they found out that you didn’t complete probation.

Your previous employer has done nothing wrong. You can’t take time off because you feel like it and you got a standard reference. Let it go.

Unfortunately you take no responsibility for a situation of your own making and are making some ridiculous claims. They aren’t doing it for their amusement. Give me a break. Do you honestly think they have nothing better to do?

Take this is a learning and move on.

I agree. You really shouldn't have taken the time off when permission was refused. Your boss is not ruining your life. He has provided a basic reference. Still you need to move on and apply for jobs,