Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

YABU. This post is the essence of clique and I think you're all probably just a bit jealous of their lifestyle. How dare they want to make friends, the audacity!

I agree with lots of PP about friendly neighbours in London, so for the other side of the coin, here's my experience of London as a non-Londoner. After my parent in London died (divorced from my other parent who'd moved away), their neighbours on one side were so friendly and helpful, gave lots of info, kept an eye on my parent's house, brought the bins back in a few times after we'd left. They'd also helped my elderly parent, who was mostly very independent, occasionally. We also gave or offered them stuff they wanted and we didn't. We had boundaries and didn't want to be those people who are users without giving back.

Maybe your neighbour texts to say she's coming so you know it's her and not intruders (having lived experience of London, where residents are very aware of crime and help eachother via Nextdoor and Whatsapp with info to stay safe?). We had to stay over at my parent's house in London to sort out all their stuff and find paperwork for probate, so for a year it was like a second home to us until it was sold. We couldn't do it all in one go, and we had to open the post and check the house was OK so went every 4-7 weeks. I used to text an hour before arriving to warn the neighbours we were coming so they were reassured it was us and not burglars, as they would hear that someone was in (sometimes drove, other times went by train so no car outside on those occasions), and we'd then have a chat over the garden fence. When they went away they arranged for another neighbour to keep an eye on both properties, so kind and considerate of them.

We'd like to live rurally when we retire but feeling very cautious about where to go!

I thought that was Cornwall! (but if people go about it in the right way they can win the locals round)

Then she shouldn’t have started all this “second home” nonsense should she? I agree this woman sounds pushy but pinning it on being an incomer is a bit rich to me. The op openly says in her op it’s a place where people come in from the outside - like she did. Now she doesn’t want another woman to do what she did. It’s all a bit “local hippy village for local hippy village” to me.

You are not a novelty resource for these people, so it’s definitely reasonable to exercise boundaries (they seem a bit keen). But it feels like there is something else going on here.

Holiday homes and Airbnbs are a real sore spot where I live and locals hate them, is there some built up resentment over this? It seems like you’re being nice to her, but the ‘insular country people’ trope is definitely a real thing and it can be hard for people to integrate into these places because the locals just don’t like outsiders. I live in Norfolk, which is sort of known for this 🫢

I live in a rural community with lots of part-time second home owners and I think you’re spot on… they need to consider what they can offer the community.
We have some really fantastic people who really get involved in village life even if they’re not here all the time.
You could suggest they join local committees/ village fete groups/ heritage groups / volunteer groups/ scholl
governors.

there’s usually a local Facebook group that provides all the info they seem to ask you for on what’s on locally.
I’d find it massively irritating to be used like this! And it sounds like you’ve been really polite.

She’s not stopping this woman from joining in. She’s just not organising it all for her.
We wouldn’t expect this from a man I bet.

I don’t think OP sounds like she has an issue that she’s a second home owner. I think she has a problem with her behaviour. It sounds like she desperately wants to be an entrenched member of the community from day one.

So your definition of a tourist is someone who is West Londoner visiting North London😐 You need to get out more, there's a whole world outside of the North circular!

In some parts of the rural UK, you remain an outsider forever. Where I am, best to keep to yourself if you aren’t from the area, say the good morning and good evening pleasantries, donate the requisite amounts to the local events each year to prevent gossip, don’t ask for any favours, and let the locals get on with it. With the exception of two couples, my friends are not from around here…I travel to see them. Not upset about it, but just the way it is.

I was asked by the locals why I moved out here….I said I took a job as an academic at the local university…cue, why didn’t you work where you were from? I replied, in my profession people don’t have as much choice as to where they live. I could tell they thought I was from another planet. Maybe I am, LOL.

Not quite sure what all that quoting was for, apart from clogging up my emails.

the op is also not a local. She didn’t sent her kids to school there. Or worked there. Or ran a business there. She retired there, because, like the people next door, she thought it was a nice place to be. Now she wants to pull up the shutters and stop people from trying to join in like she did. Where are you drawing your moral line?

I’m glad you and all the other tourists enjoyed the show!

Actually, it was a really good gig, I'm sure they'll be devastated you aren't a fan.

How old are you, you sound about 7 with your childish, playground nonsensical retorts.

People often complain that second home owners don’t get involved in the community, these people are trying but that’s not good? Maybe eventually they want to move there permanently? She does sound quite needy and over the top but I don’t see the issue with her wanting to get to know people, she just needs some boundaries!

Point them in the direction of the community page on social media as being a good source of local info…

Can you actually read? Your spelling and grammar is atrocious too. I said my hairdresser is based there, ya know, for haircuts. Or do Libertine fans not cut or wash their hair? In homage to Doherty?

Not sure what that has to do with you? You are posting and you haven’t lived there. If my husband was born in New York, that wouldn’t mean I was. Camden has always been a tourist destination for people (like you), who aren’t from those parts but like to visit. If you find it so soul destroying, take your tourist trade (and your horrendous taste in music) elsewhere.

Think it's a bit cheeky of her to assume that the book club meetings should be arranged on her days there

🤣 good to know your hairdresser lives there.

My DH was born and lived there - do think we may have some family connections. Equally, you didn't have to live in Camden to visit Camden, what don't you move around London or do you just stay in your locality 24/7.

You proclaim to love Camden so much but appear totally unaware of it's musical links, I don't know how old you are but you don't seem to have an understanding of a Camden that I recognise, so you think The Libertines are dull, I'd hate to see what you think better represents the 'real' Camden as they literally have their musical roots there,.as did Amy Winehouse as did Blur but to you, 'oh so dull'. That was before Camden became a bit dull.

I don't have a distaste for wealthy types, and have an honest observation about London's wealth divide and the impact of that on creativity and excitement, I suppose I find that a bit depressing.

I didn't say Camden was a playground for the wealthy I said London is because large parts of it are with many homes sitting empty, that is a fact! So you expect me to avoid workplace and avoid my family and avoid the capital city because I hold a view that is accurate - how strange.

Actually most of the South East. Minimum wage is set at a national level and doesn't even come close to covering costs here. (We don't qualify for London living wage). I am certain I will have my adult DC living with me for a very long time to come. Their friends are also impacted. They have to drop out of college to support families financially by going full time work, then try to come back into education, but of course are older. That has funding implications. Several of their friends have multi-generational living and not from a culture where that might be considered normal and supportive. All down to how much money it takes to run a household in the South East. And yes businesses closing all over. 2 local businesses to me - well run, have been going for years, have announced their closure. The social media outcry is interesting - lots of supportive word salad, but clearly no real commitment to putting up the cash.

Some horrid bloody snobs outing themselves in this thread.

i think you are being unfriendly

I don’t know why you’re getting such a hard time OP. It’s perfectly clear what the problem is. They’re not trying to make genuine connections and finding organic ways to join in community stuff, they’re just turning up and expecting everyone to be a ready-made friend and dance to their tune. That is annoying and pushy, and not how you make friends. I don’t get the vibe that you’ve taken against them just for having a second home - your issue is HOW they’ve gone about things, and if they’d been more genuine you could’ve grown a friendship, but all they do is ask for favours.

On the hosting point - I hate cooking and my flat’s too small to host, so if new neighbours appeared and had a barbecue, no I would not reciprocate by having them over for dinner. I probably would invite them for a drink if I liked them, and as a more-the-merrier type I wouldn’t have had an issue with her tagging on to the book club (unless she’d already done stuff to piss me off by this point).

I disagree with your observations of London though. I do know my neighbours and have loads of friends in my local area, it’s a very friendly community!