Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

Make a list of things you’d like to do in London (Especially things like go to galleries such as Tate Modern/ V&A which people with their kind of lifestyle are likely to have membership to). Then tell them how much you’ve always wanted to be able to spend weekends in London doing things like this but couldn’t because of course accommodation is so expensive. Now that you’re besties though, you’ve got somewhere to stay and all their friends can pool their membership passes to lend you so you have a fantastic weekend experiencing London as a Londoner. Without paying for any of it or doing the leg work. Either the penny will drop - or you get fab weekends for free! Definitely suggest that the entire book group does the same thing.

They would only have spread covid if they engaged with people in the village, close up. If they were doing work on their house, I doubt they hobnobbed with the neighbours.

These are not young people. They may have it in mind to retire to the village in due course. I hope they don't, for their sakes.

I don't think you should compare someone who moves to an area and is there 52 weeks of the year with another who has a second home. Who in 2020 probably helped spread Covid by visiting for alleged 'essential maintenance' of said second home.

We squatted the Roundhouse in the 1990s. ✊️

Right? And yet somehow Londoners got the reputation for being unfriendly and not islanders/ villagers who'd make someone graft for 4 lonely years before they are deemed worthy of a scrap of friendship.

100 this

Wary of newcomers perhaps. Leaving it 4yrs until they're welcomed and included, no.

Makes me think how difficult it must be for some immigrants to integrate and why they stick to their own.

That example is actually horrendous. Imagine trudging through the miserable weather keeping your head down, being humble, earning a hello from a local.

It’s ok to say this woman rubbed you up the wrong way, but that might have happened anyway. You focus on her 2nd home status and being an outsider etc, when it might just be a personality clash.

Still, they brought some excitement with them. Gossiping amongst “the community”.

It’s also so weird the point you make about your Lewes friends being upset that their neighbours stay for a few years then move on. London is entirely like that. It hasn’t stopped me befriending the most wonderful people from all over the world. Sure I’ve been sad when they’ve moved back home, but on the plus side we have wonderful new countries to visit with a reason to go!

Yes what a funny discussion. I wonder if the people who live on Lewis would verify this story.

There is a happy medium. We don't need to be ignoring people for 4yrs until we know they are staying nor do we need to be at their beck and call putting heating on etc. I find a wave and a chat suffices, I don't need commitment from a neighbour.

Got it. Be lonely and miserable for a few years and then the locals might reward you by letting you in.

Do your neighbours need to do this if they move near you permanently OP, or will they have done their initial shunned stint by then?

@ExtraOnions
brilliant, love it!

Yes so did you say here's his number? Just step back op, don't answer their messages. I understand you want to be nice but for your own sanity have some boundaries.

It would seem the obvious thing to install really rather than going to the trouble of contacting neighbours to turn the heating on. What next, will they be asking for the bedding to be laundered prior to their arrival.

The new neighbours are cf, but the op has allowed this situation to develop.

Don't be silly. You've entirely misunderstood my post.

Fancy Londoners?
I don't understand the envy.
Must be really unhappy with your life. Incidentally,
Op was a Londoner too one time.

Isn't there an app to let you turn on the heating remotely via the internet? You'd think them fancy Londoners would've heard of it.

'Your mistake was to indulge her.'

Yes the op was probably overly helpful and the new neighbours now think it's a permanent thing.

Just got to establish some boundaries op. I'd have keys for neighbours but no chance would I be putting heating on etc.

Your mistake was to indulge her.

The book club incident should have been a huge red flag.
She sounds pushy and vulgar, imposing on you.

I would simply be completely unavailable.

As for telling her visitors to knock on your door if they need anything.
Unhinged is my opinion.
I would give them bums rush sharpish.

There is nothing whatsoever in this relationship for you.
Just unpaid caretaker.
Mute her number permanently.

There have been loads of suggestions, ideas and ways of handling this situation offered on here and the OP hasn't really responded to any of them, just entered into scratchy conflict and continued to complain about her neighbour.

She doesn't want a solution, she wants to complain.

My favourite bit in the OP was about 'one of the villagers was very pissed off'.

I think that villager is OP.

Whether the second homer is annoying/forward/whatever is neither here nor there. The OP can do nothing about that bar set boundaries she's happy with and choose a path that will make her happy. She doesn't seem interested in that.

OP could just ignore the neighbour but doesn't. I wonder if OP gets validation within the village, where she herself is very much an incomer, by stirring up feeling against and scape goating this second homer.

Either way...good luck to her. Lord knows what she wants from this thread. I asked and she didn't answer.

The 2nd homers have been there for 2 years and spend a fifth of the year in that place. That’s not enough to integrate, it seems. What with their talk of theatre and gigs and restaurants. 🙄