Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

Second home owners can, and do, make relationships in a local community if they are willing to pitch in and help with things. The villages that I have lived in have been friendly enough for that to happen organically. It’s always nice to see nice people again even if not permanent residents.
What does feel wrong here though, is the additional agenda of favours being expected for services which they could pay for. I would be surprised if they are unaware of the cost savings involved, as property services can be expensive. This would be where boundaries are important. As far as I have read in your posts, they ask, rather than you offering. Not that I am suggesting that you should be offering anything unless you particularly wanted to. It ought not to be a case of getting to know the locals so that they can look after your property for you for free. That’s just using people and won’t endear them to anyone.

I had a second home for a couple of years, in a rural area where DH grew up, not in demand by locals. Our neighbours had a key for emergencies. Other than that I rang them once, as I had left a loaf of bread and four pints of milk in the kitchen - which they collected and ate! We didn't rely on them. We joined things and went to things that we found out about. Your erstwhile neighbour sounds demanding and a PITA.

OP, you have to start being firm and saying no to things like accepting deliveries. They can shop for food before they leave and take it with them or when they get there. They really are taking the piss, you are not staff and if they cannot be bothered to keep track of what is going on in a village they own a property in, that is their look out. In your update, it sounds like they are asking you for an entertainment schedule so they can make up their minds where they spend their holidays! And they wonder why people can't be bothered with them.

Exactly but then the part time neighbour messages last night asking her if she'll accept a shopping delivery and the op says to let her know the date and time. Some people can't say no sadly.

I would absolutely not be accepting shopping deliveries, arranging for repairs or letting them know about social events.

OP I completely understand your feelings on this matter.

I would just stop being available for any of it. They can pay for this service like other second home owners do.

She just sounds really extra - she probably a needy pain the arse at home as well. If she lived next door full time would you suddenly want to be hat best mate? Probably not. The issue is that you don’t like her - not that she’s a townie. Make your excuses and get on with your life.

@Foodie333 makes a decent point. It could be a hell of a lot worse. I'd love to live next to people who weren't there 40 weeks per year.

That said, you don't have to be their unpaid servant. Next time they are there give back the keys and say your life is pretty hectic and you can't take the ongoing responsibility. OR, as I suggested above, start a business as a holiday home caretaker and charge them for all services rendered. You don't feel neighbourly toward them so why bother doing all of these favours?

I guess it's swings and roundabouts?

A few second homers and you still have a community.

What happens as people die and/or sell up?

The second homers become the community.

So I'd be including them personally so the sense of community you have now is continued.

But obviously you don't have to if you don't want too.

'Last night my part-time neighbour sent a message to ask whether Storm Bert had done any damage and also to say she wasn't sure they'd be coming for Christmas or not: they'd previously said they would and had asked if I might be available to accept a food delivery the day before they arrived. I said it all depended on date and time and to get back to me'

Why say it depends on the date and time? Next time say no sorry I'll be busy I wouldn't like to agree then be out. Just say no, stop engaging with them.

You could always invite them to the community gathering where you will discuss the proposal for the lack of housing available to local people because of 2nd home owners buying up available properties and leaving them empty for weeks on end or advertising them as AirBNB...

or is that passive aggressive 🤔

Seriously, read all of your posts and I'd be pissed off too. You're not their help, I wont just pop round to do your household activities like organising plumbers, or checking storm damage (and obviously sorting repairs when youve found damage), accepting their Christmas food shop (!), turning on the fkin heating! Dk off.

You're not an NPC in their Holiday game, the helpful yocal with all the answers and a polite disposition. 😉

I have 2nd home owners neighbours who are good friends of 40 years, and even they forget on occassion that my life is also busy. I once got a text asking me to pop over and turn their heating on, as they were driving up next day.
Sadly for them, we were 500 miles away.
They shrugged, lit a fire the moment they arrived and suffered the chill for a day till the house warmed up.
Even excellent relationships don't always mean us residents will be available when required. We have lives too.

I wouldn't respond to that last text.
If she ever queries why not, remind her that you're not her personal assistant. And give her that bloody key back.

OP, ignore the obtuse posters 🙄.
You are not a holiday home service.

I have a second home on the coast and the idea of bothering the permanent neighbours living there, and imposing on them as you have been, is both unfathomably and preposterous.

I would simply stop responding to them.
Many people with second homes have the self awareness not to behave as she does.

I'm not on holiday, I just live here. Bad weather, good weather, things going on, boring weeks, sad events: this is where I live.

Welcome to life.

You don't need to accept people's groceries. You don't need to keep up to date in village activities to tell them. It sounds like you have made this into a problem yourself. Just be less available and less helpful. They may be a bit pushy, but you are enabling them.

Cheeky bastards. Can they not just have their shopping delivered when they're there! Do you have to unload it all and put it away for them, too?

It just underlined that we will be here, at home, for the Christmas holiday, but they will be away from home on holiday for the Christmas holiday, whether here or in Goa or wherever they end up.

Oh come on - you’re really pushing it now. You do know that people who don’t own holiday homes can still go on holiday, right? Even at Christmas? You’re just hunting for things to dislike about them now.

Gawd. Mostly you folks sound like total bum-wipes.

Would you prefer neighbors who are:
noisy with bunch of kids & a trampoline next to your house.
Neighbors who are not at all friendly & play loud thumping music
Neighbors doing noisy renovations for next 4 years
Neighbors who install bright motion sensor lights that are triggered all night
Neighbors that have busy religious meeting in house or back garden every weekend with loads of cars and people talking loudly
Neighbors who rent to local council to house “difficult to house” people
Squatters ….
A lunatic who sits outside in a folding garden chair every day, smoking and saying inappropriate things
A grow house
A county lines trap house
A person running a small business from home with loads of deliveries and visitors knocking on your door if leaving parcels.
A person running a childcare business with loads of outdoor screaming
A person who practices a noisy hobby all day
A person who parks an RV, rusting caravan or boat where you see it every day

You are lucky to have quiet most of the time … you might get unlucky if they move. Karma could be on its way to you right now.

Op you come across as entitled

Entitled to behave like you own the beautiful area you so fortunately live in

Entitled to behave any different to someone else who does not share in your fortune

Entitled to be slating people behind their backs

This woman sounds like she just wants a friend. Why behave like you are at school discluding someone, just because you can

Just try being nice

OP I promise I wasn't suggesting that you are hard up, or gave the impression that you are. I was suggesting that you make it clear to her that she's getting loads of freebie help from you and it's all one way which isn't fair. She sounds awful!

OP you have admirable patience in dealing with "helpful suggestions" which are maybe meant in a jokey way but are really no help.
I wouldn't like people knocking on my door asking for help either. Could you get one of those door signs saying No Cold Callers or similar? (realise they might think it doesn't apply to them, but on the other hand might make them think twice about doing it?)