Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

They expected you to look after their garden, then pay for their gutters to be cleaned and just "settle up" in a month or so when they popped back?
I don't know how anyone could say you are unreasonable for thinking that's incredibly cheeky.

I get you OP, I live in a second home village as well. First, adopt a resting bitch face. Then if they ask what’s going in, who’s doing what just shrug, no idea, maybe look online? And disappear.
Don’t arrange anything, don’t invite them to anything. If they’re that desperate to join in the community they’ll find out what is happening and where.

( biggest second home CF I had , years ago different village, came home to find my rotary line full of laundry. Ndn breezily said they hadn’t had time to put up a line yet and she didn’t think I’d mind….. I bloody did, also tried sending her kid to play in my garden as it was bigger than theirs..)

I have lived somewhere similar and I get what you mean. I think the thing is to be friendly, but also to have boundaries regarding what you will and will not do. So your book club meets when it suits them, not her. You take her along to events that suit you and go alone when you don't want her company etc. I think they are just trying to be friendly, and nothing wrong with that, but they are maybe not going about it in quite the right way.

I think you need to find words to pepper your sentences with to make it clear where she stands. I mean make it clear that she is work, not fun, and if necessary charge her for the entertainments. Or be blunt and tell her that she is a CF, but in some nicer language.

I get it, OP - they seem to think they're bestowing their wonderful company on others, and are bound to be welcomed with open arms. A bit of humility and 'putting out feelers' (ugh - sorry!) more gently and 'organically' might be a better approach.

I'm sure they're good, well-meaning people - but a bit full of themselves, perhaps? Irritating rather than unpleasant. And possibly, if they've come from London and been used to all the metropolis can offer, they need to just chill out a bit when in your area - and not expect excitement and entertainment all the time - especially if they're expecting others to keep them informed or provide it for them.

It sounds like you’re facilitating their country life. I would keep on nodding terms but push back on doing stuff for them re their house. Just maintain a friendly distance.

If second homers are so bad, why do locals keep selling their houses to them? Sell out or keep it local. You can't have it both ways.

She seems to see you as a resource. The friendly local,. An instant friend without, as you point out, having done the years-long business of building that friendship.

Also, pointing you out as the go-to person for other people who use the house? Not on.

Also, where is the reciprocation that comes with solid friendship?

She has taken your friendliness for friendship and is, IMHO, overstepping boundaries in ways that I would consider CF-ery within even good friendships.

Your post provides a very interesting perspective on this kind of situation.

It sounds like she’s under the mistaken impression that you are friends with her. Why put so much energy into disliking someone for making an effort. Honestly it’s the thing I like least about some parts of England, treating people like they’re not worth knowing because you didn’t go to primary school with them.

She could be lovely if you gave her a chance, you might have things in common, share a laugh - I have friends I only see a few times a year and I still love seeing them - I don’t grumble about them not being around all the time. You never know she could be planning on retiring in a few years and making a permanent move. A stranger is a friend you haven’t met yet!

I actually feel a bit sorry for them

Yabu

They made the effort to invite a few "locals" to dinner, so it's not just a one-way relationship and about what others can do for them. In my opinion it's bad manners if people accepted the invitation and didn't reciprocate.

They sound like active, motivated people.
Don't you have any local charities or fund raising things you can point them towards? They'd get to meet people and contribute to the community.
The village would benefit from their energy and enthusiasm.

My experience is that small coastal villages need all the youngish, interested volunteers they can get to run the fete, keep the local fire station open and fund the new slates on the church roof.

That way you might all be able to benefit.

But if they just showed up for 10 weeks a year and kept themselves to themselves you'd be complaining about that too - second homers buying a place and not wanting to get involved.
They can't do right for doing wrong.

I don't think they were assuming everyone would love them as soon as they "waltzed in" as you put it. They are trying to be friendly and get to know people.
What would you rather they did?

When they next ask what’s going on in the ‘community’ just tell them they’ll have to spend more time there to know and be properly involved.

They're just trying to nake friends. Is that so bad?

Do you have a reason to not want to be friendly with her? If she had moved down from London on a permanent basis would you feel more inclined to be mates with her? It's one thing if she's just not your cup of tea, but it sounds like you're being a bit prejudiced. I mean, she's not there all the time. If she was cold, rude and unwelcoming to the locals then surely you'd dislike her even more. Wouldn't you want to be friendly if you were in her shoes?

By the sounds of it they are trying to get to know people and are going about it in a different way than you're accustomed to.

The point is that they are making an effort. Do they come across as nice enough people? What about giving them a chance instead of doing the whole insiders/outsiders thing.

Bloody hell it's unfriendly in the countryside!

But if they kept themselves to themselves and didn’t try and involve themselves in the local
community, you’d all be pissed off at that too right?

So don't 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why don't you just be nice?