Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

We have neighbours like that. We’re the entertainment and it pissed me off no end to be patronised like that. We own a small holding and these people would turn up, sometimes with their friends, and show them around or just ask us questions about how we run the place. They were genuinely gobsmacked when I asked them to leave one day and to ask before coming up as they were interrupting my working day - they said they didn’t think we worked! I am an outsider here myself, I am happy to be sociable to anyone trying to make friends but myself and my home are not props for someone’s country experience.

Oo, she’s going round this the wrong way!
I’ve been split located since the spring and since I’ve become a second homer I’ve attended various local meetings, volunteered for three different events, visited and spent money in the village shop every weekend, laboured on the farm and increased the church congregation by 20% (and set up direct debit)
I have a busier social life here than where I am (slightly) most of the time.
No dinner parties though 🤨

I live in a friendly tiny village I rarely get involved in community activities because I can’t stand things like that the only thing I do is attend the summer fete.
I’ve made lots of friends just by being generally friendly to people I meet I really don’t think being a member of the WI (wince) or playing in the ceilidh band (the mere thought of it makes me want to run for the hills) is essential to be part of rural/village life.
IMO it’s got a trying slightly too hard to accepted feel about it, my village does organise occasional pop up pubs and quiz nights but apparently it’s mainly new(ish) comers who attend. Those born and bred here just get on with their lives.

i do think there’s scope for saying at the next request ‘you know the thing about good neighbours is they do these things for each other. But I live here and you just holiday here so im sure if you think about ti you can see I feel like a free resource here asked to get gutters cleaned etc. If you buy a holiday house you need a plan for maintaining it and I’m afraid I have a life here, I’m not your plan.

Please do this and report back

YANBU!

It's noticeable how absolutely 'white' most Rural places are.

It would be probably be hard to be a person of Colour living in some of these places.

Some rural living Northerners {white} moved to a small town in Cornwall.

Oh boy, was that a mistake.

It was horrible.

They were so unhappy there - people were petty and vindictive to them because they were ''out of area''.

They'd had their honeymoon in Cornwall, and {mistakenly} assumed they could be happy there.

There was some pretty unpleasant bullying as well..{Won't go into that as too outing}

The couple moved back to the North and are so much happier.

I used to live near there, and I remember thinking Bruton seemed to have more private schools than pubs, riding through there!

Well, if you live within 6 miles of The Newt you can get cheaper membership than 'outsiders'. Can't just visit for the day anymore while on holiday. You have to buy a year's membership at £160 for a couple 😐

It totally is offensive, and what is even more difficult is having to explain to people WHY it is offensive. They just didn't understand and thought I was weird.

Well I hope none of the locals ever want a favour or have the temerity to knock on their door for something.

Oh my god, that's actually shocking, isn't it?
There's insular and intolerant (qv), but that's just so offensive.

@crackofdoom Genius!

😂😂

It isn't really, though it is disturbing. There were golliwog dolls in the shops around here as recently as five years ago. It is pretty troubling. It is sometimes like living in an area untouched by time. Countryside is surely beautiful though.

They want their GUTTERS CLEARED......?

Only one thing for it..

Every community group needs a treasurer, and nobody wants to do it. I'm sure if they've made enough to be able to buy a second home that they're good at managing money. It's a match made in heaven 😊

Torturing's too good for them, but don't worry they won't get far!

Edward! They want their gutters cleaned. Shall we torture them?

😂😂unbelievable!

What's going on, what's all this shouting we'll have no trouble here.

Eh, I live outside a small village in Lincolnshire. The only reason people tolerated me is because my husband was born in the area. And even then, I don't get too involved in village stuff because I will be an outsider basically forever because I'm not from here. That's Ok. I am nice to people, make no assumptions, keep my mouth well shut, contribute money to the church and the charity walks, and have a couple friends here I clicked with. I know the shopkeepers in the larger market town. Otherwise I stay well out of it, because that's enough for me. I don't have time for the village gossip. People in the country are clannish, and folks with holiday homes don't get that. They soon learn.

I owned a flat in Italy for over 10 years. Had great hopes of eventually moving there permanently, but sadly divorce got in the way. Our neighbours were so lovely and kind. But yes, many focused on their families or work and didn't want to know. We were Strangers who turned up for 10-12 weeks a year. That was a lot for us as our normal lives and jobs were in the UK. We committed to the flat, committed to the lifestyle. But yes, we were just tourists, not locals. But we tried.

My DC went back this summer to some of the places we knew so well. They loved seeing it again, but so different to working there. I always thought they would learn the language and integrate. But special needs/ divorce got in the way.

Frankly you sound like someone to be avoided at all costs. Please tell us all where you live - no-one would want to move anywhere near you.

Isn't it?

I wish I could be bothered to post a link to this thread on all the others whining on about how they once went to London for two hours and everybody gave them filthy looks, shut doors in their faces and then stabbed them and kicked them down the escalator at Oxford Circus tube.