Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

I too think that OP {allegedly from London} is being spiteful to the second home owners as a way of ingratiating herself with the people born and bred there.

@krustykittens They were genuinely gobsmacked when I asked them to leave one day and to ask before coming up as they were interrupting my working day - they said they didn’t think we worked!

Hence the reason they'd soon be asking you to clean their gutters for them. Give you something to do!

Ultimately, you found the words to post it here, you could be a nice grown up and find the words to say it the new part time neighbours without indulging in umbrage and moans with the old neighbours. Or, you could carry on seeing these new folk as a good source of gossip and complaint to spice up the chat in a slow village life.

It's up to you. No one is blocking you from talking to them like a fully-capable adult. Give them the same respect and care you would hope for (and, no, they probably would do the same in return... if that particularly bothers you, ask yourself why).

@Expletive - the term is racist, and shouldn't be used. It's not 1698.

Actually in our area we have a good range of industries, businesses and people who WFH for international companies that provide decent wages, just not on a par with London. So higher London wages will always win out.

So yes I can blame second home owners.

She sounds very pushy. I think you need to plan how to deal with different scenarios.

eg. If she asks you to do something like the gutters or the garden, just say: "After a busy week, I can barely face doing my own chores, let alone someone else's! Sounds like you need a property manager."

Then give her the number of a local property manager. Then, every time she asks for a favour, ask her if she has given the property manager a call. Ensure your reply includes reference to doing other people's chores. Don't let her frame it as a little favour.

(To be clear, I am happy to do favours for neighbours but they aren't pushy like this couple!)

I liked a PPs suggestion to tell her to join the community WhatsApp. I'd also be a bit blunt and when she asks what is going on, I'd just shrug and say you haven't really been keeping up with all of that, but you have heard that the local church group needs volunteers to organise the fete (or whatever). If they don't like that idea, then say that's fine but if they want to become part of the community then the best way is to contribute.

I'd let her come to the book club but I wouldn't be moving the dates to accommodate her.

I think the OP lives in Royston Vassey

''Nothing racist about it?''

You have to be kidding.

I'm white, but it's a hugely racist term.
Only someone living under a rock would think it an acceptable term to use in this day and age.

Couldn’t agree more.

It won't because the issue as you've pointed out is lack of work in rural areas, no matter how reasonable the houses they are out of reach.
You can't blame second home owners for the explicit reasons you've pointed out.

The Airbnb people are having a kindly chat. Just asking where’s the nearest pub from a local isn’t rude.

Your new neighbour is much the same although obviously coming across as a little pushy. That’s clearly just their way although difficult to really be part of a community when not living in it full time.
Hopefully over time they’ll gradually make friends as they clearly aren’t ignoring everyone ( which would be worse I think ),

References to Covid- some perspective. We had little covid infection in our area. Small population and the locals complied with covid rules meticulously.

"people wanted to escape to their second home" Can you really not see why a small population didn't want an influx of people from high covid areas" during the lockdown. The whole point of lockdown was minimising spread between affected and non affected areas. Assuming your 2nd home gives you special status to ignore is what made you unpopular

I live in a village like this & I'm moving because I cannot stand the small minded Royston Vassey clique villagers. I'd love some friendly part timers to be honest.
Does it matter if they're not there all the time? It sounds like you & some others in your village don't really like second home owners & are using the fact that they are not there all of the time to judge them harshly. I'd just relax. Life is too short for pettiness.

This is the kind of patronising tosh that puts people's backs up.

'We may only be here for 10 weeks of the year but we're much more educated than you peasants so you should be sensible and just be grateful for us dipping in and out of your community'.

Actually there is a very good answer to why second home owners are able to buy property and not locals.

1. Often younger generations have moved away and when their parents die the property is sold as part of probate and split amongst beneficiaries. Inevitably London buyers have more money than locals so can offer a higher price to the executor.

1. Local wages are low so second home owners driving up the prices puts it out of the reach of locals. Second home owners shrug their shoulders and say not my problem they sold it to me and then expect to be welcomed with open arms because they might laughably bring some sort of special skill to the community for the 10 weeks they're there.

Hopefully the 100% increase in council tax for second homes, increase in second home stamp duty and increasing utilities costs will result in more second homes being sold to locals

Everyone has a right to a roof over their head.

this would wind me right up and I’m super friendly but friendliness is earned not handed on a plate.

I would reply “not sure what’s on as we are having a quiet week. Maybe join the local FB group. Have a good time while you are up”

make it clear you won’t be readily available. And don’t respond when she tells you she has arrived safely apart from a thumbs up emoji. I also got a ring doorbell and unless I invited you round I just won’t go to the door and let you in.

No, not "everyone". Plenty here confirming that the new wannabe friens is a CF.

I don’t know about cookies but when I was a child that just meant a fool. It was quite commonly used. Nothing racist about it. Its meaning has been corrupted since.

Etymology 1
From the cant word nigmenog, denoting a very silly fellow, according to A New Dictionary of the Terms Ancient and Modern of the Canting Crew (c.1698).[1] Compare .
Noun
nig-nog (plural nig-nogs)

1. (slang) A foolish person; hence, a raw and unskilled recruit.

https://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/nig-nog

There will be many ways they can help their community. Why not take a bit of time for research and then direct them to the Parish Council, the local Village Hall Committee, the playgroup, the PTA for local schools, Meals on Wheels, Scouting and GirlGuiding, etc etc etc

Most organisations are desperate for volunteers. They could do some good for the community with their enthusiasm 😀

@IMustConfess

Next time she messages to ask 'what's on' in the community, send her a link to any 'community service' days. You know what I mean, Wednesday; meet at the park to pick up trash, Saturday: painting the bleachers at the local school, Monday: serve lunch at the senior centre, that sort of thing. If she wants to be part of the community, let her be a useful part.

Yes. Any desire I have to move out of London has been quashed by reading stuff like this about how unwelcoming so many people are in rural areas. It sounds like there is no way to integrate whatever you do. Police being called during the pandemic because people wanted to escape to their second home. Just so small-minded. I can’t afford a second home but if I could, it definitely wouldn’t be somewhere like these villages!

We have had new neighbours move in a couple of weeks ago. We have had loads of friendly chat and advised them about local stuff. In London. Who’d have thought…

I used to live in the South-West and often had weekend breaks in Cornwall. But as for, would I like to live there, absolutely not.

Its quite possible they intend to retire to this cottage one day.
Honestly, I get that you might not want to be friends with them - fair enough.
But it sounds like you are being snobby about them not living there as long as you have.

The Newt - Son went there as his Dad was doing an event there- Son wound me up by saying he and his girlfriend had put an offer in on a tiny cottage, only £150k...and I believed him! {Having not been aware of it}

He then said it was a joke, and that they'd only visited.

Pic of the cottage from trip advisor as don't want to show pic of son outside of it.

Good joke though {I'm pretty gullible}

@FishOnTheTrain don’t know. I’m only going off what OP said which is all we’ve got to go on here!

”I took her to my book group when she was down in the summer, and now she expects to be included and tries to get us to schedule our meet-ups for when she's here.”

It's very simple. You tell them in your lovely personal way that no one will be doing anything for them as it stands because they don't spend enough time locally for people to feel they are part of the community and that's fair enough. Nothing personal, nothing mean, just the way things go and fair dos they'll have to admit that newcomers to any city, village, town, estate in the UK has to be there full time and really make the effort if they want to rapidly become part of the community. Don't overthink. It's as simple as that.