Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

I'm not disagreeing that it happens. And it goes back to my point exactly as to why I would never live back in a rural setting.
I'm saying that a community can be very strong without needed to be made up of people who have lived all their lives in an area. In fact I would argue a strong community is one that is very welcoming to new people as it's not threatened or afraid to adapt.

You cannot disagree with my lived experience, especially as it relates to an area where lots of folk did grow up here. I also didn't say incomers couldn't be a part of the community, but folk who grew up in an area are generally more connected.

Living in a seaside country area we welcome anyone from anywhere. I love chatting to neighbours and acquaintances who have lived elsewhere. It enriches life like vicarious travelling.

Holidaymakers ...welcomed.

2nd home owners are holidaymakers - welcomed

We recommend restaurants, footpaths, direct you to petrol stations, local delis, explain where dogs need to be on lead.

Expecting to be considered local, a neighbour, a friend and expecting the favours that can bring ......when you're a holidaymaker 🤷‍♂️ er why? Wanting me to wait on deliveries, let your cleaner in, let you gatecrash my friends get together. 🤷‍♂️

2nd home ownership is tricky trying to manage your property from a distance but you need to employ people not expect the neighbours to be your agents.

Also, send her a message. “Just an FYI, Please don’t share my phone number with anyone. I didn’t give you permission to give it to your family members to problem solve for them when they come in from London. I’m not a handyman.”

I disagree because where I live the community is really strong, loads going on but hardly anyone grew up here.

I completely understand what you are saying OP.
I moved from London to the coast many years ago and about half the properties here are weekenders. Many do treat the locals as ‘resources’, my (full time) neighbour once said she felt like we were treated like staff - could you pay the window cleaner, let the John Lewis delivery men in, check the window hasn’t leaked, recommend x y and z. They arrive for holidays and avoid their second homes during bad weather (and during winter full stop), so for them the area is a scenic theme park - which is fine, but we aren't their staff. Both my neighbour and I became good at a hard no.

Folk who move somewhere can become part of the community, but they'll never be as much a part of the community as some folk who've lived there their entire lives. I say that as someone who moved to a rural/island location over 20 years ago (and married into a local family). It's understandable.

I didn't say it was. I was talking about moving to the country full-time.

What is a community?

If it means anything it's people who will help each other out when something goes wrong. It's informal mutual support.

Part-time neighbours can't be part of a community because they're never bloody there when you need some help. So it's all one way. They take from a community but never give.

I'm not sure, as we went the first time when it was fairly new and they have expanded since then. We first went in 2020 (mid COVID) and it was about £40 for the two of us. We were pleasantly surprised that we could go back for a year, so went twice in that holiday and returned just over a year later to find the year had been extended as there had been another lockdown in between. You could do it all in a day, so their spiel of 'you need a membership to benefit from everything we offer' is a bit OTT. It's a really nice place, but not £160 for a day out if you know you won't be visiting the area again in the next year.

What's hilarious is 2nd home owners thinking they'll ever be as much a part of a community as folk who actually live there.

It's not small minded to recognise that 2nd home owners are most definitely not part of the community in the same way that many folk who live their full-time are.

My town has few second homes and isn't really a retirement destination although we've decided to stay here when we retire because the concept of retiring to the country/ seaside means many of these areas have expensive houses and few people who want to work in the pubs/ shops so they close down or are only open reduced hours with volunteers.
If someone did move near me and wanted to be friends I think how friendly I'd be would depend more on how much I liked them not how many weeks they're staying for. I wouldn't be doing jobs for them unless they're frail and incapable though as I can't be bothered with that and would tell them watering gardens is not one of my hobbies.

This thread is hilarious.

I think a lot of people on here would benefit from opening their minds a little bit and accepting that it takes all sorts and that there is a world outside their little village that they've lived in all their lives.

It's the small mindedness. I mean I dislike second homers and wouldn't encourage that at all but it's the attitude that you have to have been in the countryside for 4 generations before you understand it and how everyone with a different view is someone to be wary of.
Whereas my neighbours are from all over the country and world. We get on well and welcome new people from all over.

I live in a rural area with lots of second homes. In reality most rural communities are desperate for people who can make a regular commitment by joining the parish council or village hall committee and it doesn't sound like they're around enough to do that or that's the kind of commitment they want. Although I know some second home owners who volunteer at the village fete each year which is easy to do as it's a fixed day.

I don't think it's reasonable to expect to just slot in to a community when you're coming and going. I've met most of my friends through toddler groups /school/work/regular volunteering none of which apply to second home owners.

Well actually, no, London wasn't always like that, I was born and grew up in West London and it was very community orientated, it changed where I lived and grew up when every man and their dog wanted to move to London and houses became flats! However, the are of North London my siblings live in is still very much a neighbourly place.

Why?

😂 This made me laugh! Can we add the brass polishing in the church, Mary’s hip replacement shift and a donation of £££ would be most helpful for the church roof

That's fucking cheeky to be fair. You're not the local handyman. Overbearing and entitled neighbours are annoying anywhere, but it sounds even worse to be treated like bit players/extras in their 'A Place in the Country' tv show.

This thread reminds me why I moved to a city 😂

Can you tell us which seaside it is as it is my dream to move to the coast. I have somewhere in mind but would cross this one off my list!

Right?!

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. To me it seems like she sees the village a bit like a theme park and local events are the rides - stuff she’s entitled to participate in as part of the package. I’m sure she doesn’t think that way, it’s just how it struck me.

But I do think she’s being too pushy in the hope of being seen as part of the community when she’s only there sporadically. If she was there a month at a time that would be slightly different but book clubs, dinner parties are not tourist attractions.

Sorry OP this thread made my day!

as a Londoner ( who grew up in a popular holiday area), I know exactly the type you mention.

I can imagine someone a bit like Marie antoinette going to her farm in the French countryside to milk cows and pretend to be a milk maid!