Page 2 | Second-homer wanting to be part of the community

IMustConfess · 2024-11-22T20:30:13+00:00

I live in a village on the coast in a semi-rural area. It's a place where people come to live for a relatively quiet life with great walks, fresh air and unspoiled beaches. Lots of artists and writers and gardeners. Two years ago a couple from London bought the small detached property next door to me. It's a holiday home for them and their friends and family. They're in their 50s, clearly used to a busy lifestyle in London. Lots of talk of theatre and gigs and nice restaurants. They moved in and invited a few locals to dinner and said they wanted to get involved with whatever's going on. They clearly expected to be invited back to eat with everyone and were surprised when some didn't reciprocate. 'But we were told there was a great community here!' They went round knocking on lots of doors and introducing themselves and saying how much they wanted to be involved, but they're probably only here for 10 weeks of the year max. One of my neighbours was really pissed off by it. She said it was like they had an idea of country life they'd got from a TV drama. When their families come down independently they knock on my door and introduce themselves and say how wonderful that we're all such good friends/ such a lovely community and seem to expect to be invited in and given tea and told what's on. If there's something happening they want me to take them along. They've clearly been told I'll be happy to include them. This year the husband's been working away a lot and so the wife has been coming down on her own. She always messages me a day or two before she's due to arrive and announces she's coming and wants to know what's on in 'the community'. She messages me when she's arrived so I know she's arrived safely. 😱She expects to be included in anything I've got going on. I took her to my book group when she was down in the summer, and now she expects to be included and tries to get us to schedule our meet-ups for when she's here. When I moved here I got to know people slowly and worked out who I got on with. My neighbours seem to think friendship comes on a plate and everyone loves them. We have friends who live next door to an AirBnB and say something similar: many of the people who rent the place want to talk to them as if they're friends and happy to spend half an hour telling them which coastal walk is most scenic or which local pub does the best beer. We live here: we're not tourist information or rent-a-mate. Are we the unreasonable ones? What's going on with people that they think they can just waltz into a new area and everyone'll love them?

Gloriia · 11/12/2024 14:58

toomuchfaff · 11/12/2024 13:05

So after 33 pages of comments, you're doing exactly the opposite. You're doing yourself no favours whatsoever.

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them

She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion,

You could have just blocked her, months ago? Instead you do as she asks again and again and again. After 33 pages of people saying to do nothing, again you've done her bidding, like staff. She will ask again.

Show quote history

It is puzzling isn't it! No-one has suggested being rude or unpleasant but it is just so inexplicable why the op and her dh keep doing this stuff. Just leave messages unread and carry on as if oblivious.

Tiredalwaystired · 11/12/2024 13:18

Drop her a line

”Hi neighbour, was just thinking after you contacted us about your freezer the other day. We can’t guarantee we will be available to sort things like this out. Here are the details of a local property management service. I recommend you get in touch with them as we don’t really have the time and headspace to make sure your property remains well managed.

Regards

Codlingmoths · 11/12/2024 13:07

IMustConfess · 11/12/2024 09:13

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them — they have his number too, so if I don't answer they phone him. Re the food, she was 'Surely you must know people locally who have power? Surely there'll be power a couple of miles down the road? Surely they could squeeze the contents of our freezer into theirs?' I said we wouldn't even dream of doing that with the contents of our own freezer: trees down, driving in high winds... She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion, but that I thought they needed to find someone locally to employ as their property agent and take professional responsibility. She responded asking who I'd recommend and that she'd noticed how dirty their windows looked after the storm and could I get the window cleaner to do theirs when he does mine, she'd reimburse me when they were down in the new year. I will not be getting the window cleaner to go round there.

‘That sounds exactly like a property managers job. Re finding one I’ve never rented or managed a property so suggest you enquire at the real estate agents.

toomuchfaff · 11/12/2024 13:05

IMustConfess · 11/12/2024 09:13

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them — they have his number too, so if I don't answer they phone him. Re the food, she was 'Surely you must know people locally who have power? Surely there'll be power a couple of miles down the road? Surely they could squeeze the contents of our freezer into theirs?' I said we wouldn't even dream of doing that with the contents of our own freezer: trees down, driving in high winds... She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion, but that I thought they needed to find someone locally to employ as their property agent and take professional responsibility. She responded asking who I'd recommend and that she'd noticed how dirty their windows looked after the storm and could I get the window cleaner to do theirs when he does mine, she'd reimburse me when they were down in the new year. I will not be getting the window cleaner to go round there.

So after 33 pages of comments, you're doing exactly the opposite. You're doing yourself no favours whatsoever.

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them

She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion,

You could have just blocked her, months ago? Instead you do as she asks again and again and again. After 33 pages of people saying to do nothing, again you've done her bidding, like staff. She will ask again.

Honeycrisp · 11/12/2024 12:03

IMustConfess · 11/12/2024 09:13

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them — they have his number too, so if I don't answer they phone him. Re the food, she was 'Surely you must know people locally who have power? Surely there'll be power a couple of miles down the road? Surely they could squeeze the contents of our freezer into theirs?' I said we wouldn't even dream of doing that with the contents of our own freezer: trees down, driving in high winds... She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion, but that I thought they needed to find someone locally to employ as their property agent and take professional responsibility. She responded asking who I'd recommend and that she'd noticed how dirty their windows looked after the storm and could I get the window cleaner to do theirs when he does mine, she'd reimburse me when they were down in the new year. I will not be getting the window cleaner to go round there.

This was the point at which you needed to say you have no idea because why would you, and she really requires the services of a property management company.

nam3c4ang3 · 11/12/2024 11:55

Sorry OP - i think you are being a bit mean - you say you are lovely and nice to her - this has obvs given her the impression you want to be friends, but really you dont, just be honest with her - tell her to stop contacting you and your husband - youre happy to say hi and bye when you do see them but thats all. Just tell her you dont appreciate how shes being with you and to back off. And fgs, dont invite her to anything, because then you'll just talk bad about her behind her back on here when she assumes you are friends!

krustykittens · 11/12/2024 11:32

Yeah, you need to stop, OP, you and your partner. Because they now know if they pester enough, you will cave. I have cut off the neighbours I mentioned previously, they became quite rude and condescending. The last straw was, despite many polite requests to stop and explanations as to why, they kept feeding and handling my ponies. I went mental when my whole herd was poisoned with grass cuttings and tbh, they are no loss. They still feed my animals, although our new mare bit them at Christmas when they grabbed her by the forelock and tried to pull her closer, so I am hoping they have finally got the hint!

Ivyn · 11/12/2024 11:32

Just stop doing stuff for her!

SundayDread · 11/12/2024 11:30

She’s a CF. I would just not answer and message, sorry I’m out/away every time.

Gloriia · 11/12/2024 11:21

IMustConfess · 11/12/2024 09:13

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them — they have his number too, so if I don't answer they phone him. Re the food, she was 'Surely you must know people locally who have power? Surely there'll be power a couple of miles down the road? Surely they could squeeze the contents of our freezer into theirs?' I said we wouldn't even dream of doing that with the contents of our own freezer: trees down, driving in high winds... She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion, but that I thought they needed to find someone locally to employ as their property agent and take professional responsibility. She responded asking who I'd recommend and that she'd noticed how dirty their windows looked after the storm and could I get the window cleaner to do theirs when he does mine, she'd reimburse me when they were down in the new year. I will not be getting the window cleaner to go round there.

The pair of you need to stop opening their messages or answering their calls. It is maybe hard as you are clearly neighbourly and pleasant so it will go against the grain for you but you and dh must have a combined approach here. Just say no, don't answer messages. Smile pleasantly and breezily when you see them. Take back control.

BettyBardMacDonald · 11/12/2024 10:07

Wow! She has a nerve.

Tell her you'll be her property manager for £250 per month, payable annually in advance. It's a new business you're starting!

Damnloginpopup · 11/12/2024 09:41

They have been watching too much Richard Curtis.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 11/12/2024 09:17

IMustConfess · 11/12/2024 09:13

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them — they have his number too, so if I don't answer they phone him. Re the food, she was 'Surely you must know people locally who have power? Surely there'll be power a couple of miles down the road? Surely they could squeeze the contents of our freezer into theirs?' I said we wouldn't even dream of doing that with the contents of our own freezer: trees down, driving in high winds... She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion, but that I thought they needed to find someone locally to employ as their property agent and take professional responsibility. She responded asking who I'd recommend and that she'd noticed how dirty their windows looked after the storm and could I get the window cleaner to do theirs when he does mine, she'd reimburse me when they were down in the new year. I will not be getting the window cleaner to go round there.

Have you actually been blunt with her?

"Hi, part-time neighbour. I've been trying to say this gently for some time but you don't seem to be taking the hint. I've got a million things to do and I don't have time to video your roof, or save your food from the freezer after a power cut, or organise for your windows to be cleaned. This is work you have to do yourself. I wouldn't mind helping you out as a one off but this has become a more than regular occurrence and I think you have unrealistic and unreasonable expectations. Your property is your responsibility. Not mine."

Original poster

IMustConfess · 11/12/2024 09:13

My partner went out and videoed their roof for them — they have his number too, so if I don't answer they phone him. Re the food, she was 'Surely you must know people locally who have power? Surely there'll be power a couple of miles down the road? Surely they could squeeze the contents of our freezer into theirs?' I said we wouldn't even dream of doing that with the contents of our own freezer: trees down, driving in high winds... She later sent a message asking if I'd go in and remove and dispose of the contents of the freezer. I said I would on this occasion, but that I thought they needed to find someone locally to employ as their property agent and take professional responsibility. She responded asking who I'd recommend and that she'd noticed how dirty their windows looked after the storm and could I get the window cleaner to do theirs when he does mine, she'd reimburse me when they were down in the new year. I will not be getting the window cleaner to go round there.

OP posts:

Steristrip · 11/12/2024 07:50

IMustConfess · 10/12/2024 16:36

I would dearly love to have been ignored. They've been on the phone several times this weekend, asking me to video their roof on Saturday and Sunday so they could see if there had been any damage. We had a 36-hour long power cut and instead of expressing concern about how we were coping, the only thing they cared about was trying to get me to rescue the contents of their freezer by driving their peas, fish fingers, lamb chops, bread, milk and ice cream to the next village and finding someone with room in their freezer.

Did you do any of the above?

If you did, then the problem will continue.

Sunnings · 11/12/2024 07:31

IMustConfess · 10/12/2024 16:36

I would dearly love to have been ignored. They've been on the phone several times this weekend, asking me to video their roof on Saturday and Sunday so they could see if there had been any damage. We had a 36-hour long power cut and instead of expressing concern about how we were coping, the only thing they cared about was trying to get me to rescue the contents of their freezer by driving their peas, fish fingers, lamb chops, bread, milk and ice cream to the next village and finding someone with room in their freezer.

They clearly see you as staff.🙄
Stop responding, and behaving like you are, it really is that easy.

pestowithwalnuts · 11/12/2024 07:22

I live in a semi rural village. People are friendly and most people say good morning etc
I have a neighbour on one side..who always tries to help despite being tiny and semi disabled.
The couple on the other side were friendly..( we've been here 8 years ) but since my husband has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer...don't want to speak to us.
I can't explain how it makes me and especially DH feel.
But as others have said.it days more about them than us.
So villagers can be friendly and accepting..just depends on their personality

2Rebecca · 10/12/2024 22:54

This is silly. If they're that bothered they drive down and take stuff back. Why a neighbouring village anyway. I'd tell them I didn't have time for their nonsense

Creaturesoflove · 10/12/2024 21:26

IMustConfess · 10/12/2024 16:36

I would dearly love to have been ignored. They've been on the phone several times this weekend, asking me to video their roof on Saturday and Sunday so they could see if there had been any damage. We had a 36-hour long power cut and instead of expressing concern about how we were coping, the only thing they cared about was trying to get me to rescue the contents of their freezer by driving their peas, fish fingers, lamb chops, bread, milk and ice cream to the next village and finding someone with room in their freezer.

Omfg I hope you told them where to go.

Cherrysoup · 10/12/2024 20:45

IMustConfess · 10/12/2024 16:36

I would dearly love to have been ignored. They've been on the phone several times this weekend, asking me to video their roof on Saturday and Sunday so they could see if there had been any damage. We had a 36-hour long power cut and instead of expressing concern about how we were coping, the only thing they cared about was trying to get me to rescue the contents of their freezer by driving their peas, fish fingers, lamb chops, bread, milk and ice cream to the next village and finding someone with room in their freezer.

Kindly, OP, stop answering her calls. I sincerely hope you didn’t video her bloody roof! She is taking the piss and I also desperately hope you didn’t transport her freezer contents around! I’d send her a gentle message saying she might want to employ a local handyman (whose job it is) to check her property because you are working! Take a huge step back, she’s a massive pisstaker.

I’ve lived next door to my neighbours for nearly 20 years and have asked once in that time for a favour (one of them to shut the velux in the boarded loft because my DH had left it open, god knows why, and it was raining and I have mobility issues so can’t shimmy up the ladder)

crackofdoom · 10/12/2024 20:25

What, they didn't even offer the food to you and the neighbours?!

Codlingmoths · 10/12/2024 20:25

IMustConfess · 10/12/2024 16:36

I would dearly love to have been ignored. They've been on the phone several times this weekend, asking me to video their roof on Saturday and Sunday so they could see if there had been any damage. We had a 36-hour long power cut and instead of expressing concern about how we were coping, the only thing they cared about was trying to get me to rescue the contents of their freezer by driving their peas, fish fingers, lamb chops, bread, milk and ice cream to the next village and finding someone with room in their freezer.

I am starting to wonder if this is a wind up. Don’t you answer sorry have a few problems of our own here and are checking if friends are alright. Best you come down and save your veg. ?? Don’t you???

Marinade · 10/12/2024 18:53

IMustConfess · 10/12/2024 16:36

I would dearly love to have been ignored. They've been on the phone several times this weekend, asking me to video their roof on Saturday and Sunday so they could see if there had been any damage. We had a 36-hour long power cut and instead of expressing concern about how we were coping, the only thing they cared about was trying to get me to rescue the contents of their freezer by driving their peas, fish fingers, lamb chops, bread, milk and ice cream to the next village and finding someone with room in their freezer.

So rude, inconsiderate, selfish and obnoxious. The audacity of them to focus solely on their freezer items is staggering.

Cookiecrumblepie · 10/12/2024 18:14

Why are you such a wet blanket OP?

CocoapuffPuff · 10/12/2024 17:44

OP, you need to set boundaries.
No, part time neighbour, I won't be doing that. You need to employ a property manager.
No, part time neighbour, I won't be doing that, either. You need to employ a property manager.
No
No
No
No
No.

Your requests slash demands are a burden that I will not be picking up again. Employ a property manager. I will be blocking you from contacting me now.