What do I do about this person/AIBU?

Think of it this way. This woman is feeding off you, like a vampire. You have no time for vampires. She will have multiple sources of feeding supply. You can try asking her again but I’d just block personally.

You are pregnant now, you have a child to protect so learn how to put boundaries in with people now.

This woman has stalker vibes. It’s not normal to ignore someone who tells you they need space or require three hours of attention every day. Her sob stories were another red flag, she is a victim.

Honestly, learn boundaries now (as you’re doing) don’t feel bad either, this is the beginning of your life.

I wish you well, prenatal depression is hell. It ends ok? From what you have said, ask for help, especially with your history. Don’t do it alone. 💖

Can you say straight to her face… ‘You’re being a bit much. I’ve asked for space and I need you to respect that. I’ll contact you when I’m ready’.

If she doesn’t, block her.

You say you don’t like hurting people’s feelings so you feel guilty. But she doesn’t feel guilty about using you like this. And the thing to remember about people like this is that they’re not hurt when you don’t let them do this, they’re angry that you won’t do what they want. It’s clear from your OP that she commands you to be available for her to talk at, orders you to call her rather than suggesting, even summons you to go over when she’s in her car. There’s no “we” in your OP, it’s all her telling you what to do.Try to remember that. You don’t owe her anything.

You’re also worried about what other people will think if you drop her. Please don’t be. If someone says “Doris is so upset that you won’t talk to her, she just cares about you, how could you be so mean?” - tell them the truth. She was demanding you call her at her convenience so that she could talk at you for hours. She yelled at you. And when you were bereaved she was insensitive, putting her own desire to talk above your need to heal. People will understand, I promise.

She honestly sounds obsessed. What she’s doing isn’t friendship. You will benefit from cutting her off entirely, not thinking about letting her back in when you feel better. She won’t change, so do as PPs have suggested, message her to say you can no longer deal with her constant demands and insensitivity, and block her. It will be a weight off your shoulders.

I know it’s hard but as PPs have said she is clearly thick skinned as well as selfish, so
you’ll need to be more direct than you normally would be if she approaches you. Don’t obey her command if she calls you over. Shake your head, say no. Don’t apologise. Tell her you don’t want to talk and say goodbye.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I would raise this with your line manager/HR in work as it's bordering on harassment

You are not in any way unreasonable. My best friend had a life changing accident. She can’t leave her house much and it’s an effort to do anything. I’d love to ring her every day, but only do so about once a week as I know she also wants to speak to her family and just friends. I’m here any time she needs me and I’d do anything for her, including giving her space. That’s what friends do!

That woman is not your friend, and needs to back off. Block her or use do not disturb to restrict her contact with you.

We don't even need to form an opinion of her or whether she's being unreasonable - you have an absolute right to put yourself first at this time and if that means retreating from the social world then that is what must happen.

Your priorities must be your pregnancy, your children and yourself. Do what you need to do and let your (ex) friend get comfort and company from others.

Best of luck, OP.

Block her.
Inform HR as she is hindering your progress in recovery.
This is harassment and if need be as a last resort inform the police.

I know. It’s preposterous. In fairness she isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed and lacks capacity. I don’t think even fuck off would sink in. I’ve been subtle. I’ve been direct. Now I’ve resorted to silencing her at night. Some people just shouldn’t be allowed phones.

I'm so sorry about your little girl @nikkivezza, how utterly heartbreaking. I can't imagine how anxious you are about this pregnancy and you absolutely need to prioritise your own mental health and wellbeing and focus on the time when you will be able to hold your little bundle in your arms.

I think you need to send a short and succinct text to this woman, block and then not give her another thought.

Dear CF, I have asked you repeatedly to respect my boundaries by ceasing contact. Your constant, unwanted contact is bordering on harassment. Your inability to respect my wishes demonstrates that you are not a true friend who cares about my wellbeing. I no longer want to be your friend and am now blocking you. Nikkivezza

It's as simple as that. If she decides to badmouth you and people want an explanation then you have evidence of exactly what happened.

Please put your own wellbeing first and rip this plaster off once and for all.

Block her. If you really want to maintain a relationship with her when you go back to work, write a message explaining why.

Ask your husband to block her from his phone if need be.

Tell the school that you need to not be in contact with this woman (you don't necessarily have to tell all the details, just that you are being harrassed and need support). They can help you decide what is the best plan to avoid her on and around school premises. You are genuinely being harrassed, whether you recognise it or not; you are entitled to help. They might be able to offer you a space to wait, or a staff member to check the coast is clear, or an escort off the premises, or an alternative exit that you don't know of. The caretaker at my dc's primary was excellent for this sort of thing (I had a stalker).

If you're coming out school alone, I'd stick headphones on, listen to music or don't, wave if you feel the need to acknowledge her but you don't owe her anything. Just keep walking. I'm a people pleaser and find situations like this so hard. My headphones have helped me avoid plenty of awkward convos.

Don't worry about when you go back to work OP, just go ahead and block her as you said you were going to do earlier. A hole lot can happen between now and when you go back to work, who knows, she could have decided to leave before then, and if not, and it proves to be a problem, you can deal with that when you're in a better head space than you are now. As I said earlier, just concentrate on looking after you and the baby you have inside you. That's quite enough for now, and please, please, don't feel guilty, she is the one who should be feeling guilty, not you.

Have you messaged and blocked?

You have two options here. Either you deal with any awkward fallout, or you continue to be her emotional crutch.

I feel sorry for her as she sounds unwell and unable to understand social boundaries. I would've told the girls at work as they would've told her tbh

Not your fault at all though! You can't sacrifice yourself for someone else. And I'm really sorry for what you went through, I'm wishing you the very best with your pregnancy ❤️

You've done absolutely the right thing x

Have you sent a message to her yet? She sounds like a narcissist, no empathy, and the way she just keeps trying to bulldoze through your boundaries and taking your energy
if you haven’t sent it yet, I’d say keep it short and polite so she has no comeback.
Then block her and never unblock her she will eventually find a new source.

Please don’t feel guilty.

I would have blocked her after the first 3 hour convo!!

Can you confide in another school parent who will stay with you until you are out of the school?

I'm normally the one saying to be polite to people, but genuinely OP, send your message then block her. Speak to a friend at school and explain what is going on so they can be your 'bouncer' or take someone to assembly with you. You owe this woman nothing.

Step back, feel no guilt, and save all your emotional energy for your self and the new baby you are growing x

"Brenda, I need you to back off. Please.

I'm simply concentrating on keeping going at the moment. I don't have headspace for anything more and to be honest I'm feeling overwhelmed and suffocated by your need for contact.

I am being supported by those I'm closest to as well as the healthcare team involved with my pregnancy.

I understand you are showing you care. And I appreciate. But it has become too much. Please respect my boundaries.

Best wishes"

Listen, if this was a man who had got this attached and was demanding all of your time and energy like this you'd be thinking about calling the police. She's stalking you. I really would speak to a manager and ask them to tell her not to contact you while you are off sick. And block her, obviously.

The Fridays are more difficult. Is there an alternative exit? We have two.

Block her!

I'm so sorry, OP, you really don't need this at the moment.
As others have said, block her, and if she still works with you, ask your line manager or HR if they can have a quiet word with her to explain that you need peace and quiet and don't want to hear from her. No need to report her for misconduct or anything, just to get support from someone she might listen to who could explain that she's not helping you and, if necessary, tell her that she needs to stop harassing you if she starts again.

She’s unreasonable. Block her. When she asks you about this say that you are not taking her calls any more. When she asks why just say that you can’t cope with it. Ignore her apart from work duties. Perhaps let your manager know what has happened in case she turns nasty at work.