Not dating 25 year olds liivng at home?

Yes something like 60 to 70% of 20 somethings get help with rent, usually from parents

I wouldn't write off someone purely for living at home. There are lots of red flags for those living independently too - I work with one man whose mum and dad support his rent, do diy/decorating for him, mum cleans regularly, and provides lots of homemade frozen meals. Last week he was talking about going out with parents to help him buy a vacuum as he didn't know what to buy 🤦🏻‍♀️

There could be positive reasons for living at home, such as being financially or career savvy, get to know the person at more than a superficial level before judging.

My SILs both moved abroad and married men who were living outside by age 25. As they were expats too. In contrast I married dh at 22 (he was 25) and we moved back home to live with his mum until we were 26 and 29 respectively when we bought our own flat.

We are all in our 30s now and both SIL are living with their in-laws (including with a toddler in tow). They both moved back to their partners home countries and a big factor was paying private rent all those years which mean they now have to move back home to save.

So all I can say is if you want someone who is truly independent, look at their circumstances more closely. What is the point of getting together with someone who moves out at 21 but then has to move back to their parents at 31 with a kid in tow if the objective was independence. You might be better off dating a 25 year old who is due to move out in 1 to 2 years but has a solid career to sustain living independently.

My ds is in armed forces & lives on his base. He's a grown man but doesn't have to think about household bills, that's taken care of. Does his own cooking & has military standards of cleaning, washing & ironing. He comes home to our house, pointless him renting anywhere else. Saves up a load of money. Does that make him undateable op? You could be missing out on a good man here!

They could be living in some house share though (who can afford to rent a single occupancy?) so when you go and stay with him you have to use a toilet shared by half a dozen of his mates and trying to have sex when his mates are in the house can be worse than at home. I don’t see how renting somewhere outside the home is always better. My son, in his twenties, living at home, has his own living area /bedroom/toilet. His gf much prefers it to his previous uni house share.

Yeah moving back in wouldn't bother me, but I would advise against someone who has never lived independently. I'd also advise paying closr attention to their relationship at home. Essentially, don't start a life with someone who still expects to be looked after. You don't want to look after them and you don't want to teach them how to look after themselves.

It's different if you both still live with your parents, you learn together. But one person used to running their own household and one person used to being looked after is going to be difficult.

My DP lived with his parents when I met him. But he had lived independently for over 10 years and had moved across the country with them for a short time and was cooking for his parents, doing housework and doing DIY for them. And when he came to mine he did housework and cooked without being asked. Now he does the same, especially as a father, he's up in the night, changing nappies, rocking a screaming baby after his jabs, sorting through clothes organising new sizing. Becuase he was already used to running a household.

I personally wouldn't have this boundary. The cost of living is insane at the moment, and particularly hard for young people. However, it's entirely up to you who you date.

No, never. And my DH never took advantage of me having “my own space”. In fact he asked me to move in with him to the flat he bought 10 months after we got together because he knew that I was unhappy in the flat share as the other girls weren’t cleaning up and I was the one doing all the hard work. And we’ve been a partnership ever since. I think some (a lot of) people make bad choices about relationships. I could see that my DH respected me and was going to do his equal share from the way he behaved in my flat share. He would tidy up, cook, go food shopping with me etc.

You can date or not date who you like.

However, you might be missing out on someone who invested a lot of time on education and is just starting out on a career.

You might be as ambitious as each other and share a lot of common goals and interests.

I think there are more intelligent criteria quite frankly.

Loads of threads recently relating to the idea that adults who still live at home are somehow failing at life. The reasons are increasingly so complex, I'm not sure why the bashing of it is even a thing. And yet, here we are.

OP, you do you innit? Good for you leaving home at 18 (FWIW so did I) but not everyone in this day and age is able to do so.

Its your choice, when I was a similar age to you I felt the same, now I have DC of similar age/ slightly younger who do live at home I feel it's a bit harsh!
It's harder to move out now. I think what's important is do they have a plan-are they working towards moving out? Are they doing their own washing, helping round the house with chores etc or do they have everything done for them.
How did you move out at 18? Was it as a student?
You could find someone who rents/flat shares but has no chance of buying as they are paying extortionate rents, whereas someone at home could be saving a significant deposit to buy so longer term might be more financially secure.
It's tough but you just have to go with who you find attractive but I wouldnt necessarily dismiss someone automatically because they live at home at 24/25 you will be ruling out a lot of potential partners

Did you never stay with him when you were dating?

I think it's unusual and pretty difficult not to meet the parents if your boyfriend lives with them. I guess unless they take advantage of you having your own place

I wasn't trying to say that you did value financial prudence above everything but just that different people have different values and preferences. The OP might prefer someone who values living independently even if that costs more - that is just a difference of opinion.

It's not necessarily that she doesn't understand that some 25 year olds are valuing saving money more highly than living independently but that she might not find that attractive - which I think is fine.

Although not knowing how to cook or use the domestic appliances is a step too far!

I can't imagine why anyone cares, especially in this climate, with few rental properties available and high rents. Staying at home could in theory be a sign of smart decision making , and that they don't come from families with too much domestic strife, both good pointers for a future relationship (unless they are overly reliant on mummy!).

Why doesn't the 32 year old not have enough to move out on his own? Not saved enough for even a rental? At 32?

I completely agree and it comes from experience.

I lived on my own from 22. No financial support, just working hard with a good job. My ex lived at home when I met him and my god it showed. It meant he moved into my home without contribution to furniture or a deposit etc. he had no idea how it worked and essentially sailed into a lovely property that I worked hard for. He did contribute to his share, granted. But he never had to do it on his own. He didn't know how to work a washing machine, or read a gas meter. Yes we all have to start somewhere but these things should be taught by the parents, not left to the girlfriend. These are grown arse men. We split up last year and I'm now 30. I'm about to buy my first house on my own with DD. He's back in a box room at his parents. He's shocked at how much he has to pay to get a place of his own with initial costs etc.

If someone's living at home but paying their way, earning their keep by doing their own washing cooking and chores, paying their share of bills etc and saving frugally for a mortgage or rental down payment then maybe so. But if they're just living at home u til they find a suitable partner to bunny hop off into a property, no. Absolutely not. Any man that's living with parents in their late 20s to early 30s is just icky. Perhaps my vision is warped due to previous experiences but it just screams enmeshment.

By the way, I've never had any financial help, I came from a working class background and was the first child in the family to attend university.

You either choose to be a bum or choose not to be.

Well my DH has managed just fine despite always living with his parents before he met me. He is a fantastic cook, does most of the ironing and all of the DIY.

But she doesn’t have to meet the parents does she? I didn’t meet my DH’s parents for ages. He actually met mine much earlier even though they lived 200 miles away.

Living in a flat share does not equal home space. If my DC live at home in their 20’s they will still have their own bathrooms and a separate living room. I certainly didn’t have that luxury in a flat share.

And where did I say that financial prudence was the only quality that I was looking for?!

What about someone’s who has gone away to uni and then comes to back to live with their parents for a couple of years after? Because that is pretty standard.

As someone who has also been living independently since 18. I wouldn't date someone who still lives with their parents. There's alot of growing up that happens when you move out and you don't want to be their new mummy. They need to know how to run a house by themselves. Learn that when something needs doing it's them that has to do it

I agree with that. It's yet another of the damaging consequences of the housing crisis and why it's so important it's dealt with.

But we live in the world as it is and not as we want it to be. Right now that involves a much larger number of adults still living with their parents.

I think this is true

But also I think everyone looks for something different in a partner and it's not necessarily the case that all the OP values is financial prudence

Maybe at 25, she just wants a casual relationship and the vibe of having to meet the parents isn't what she is looking for

Maybe she values her own space more highly than financial prudence and wants someone who feels the same way

Myself I wanted in my 20s someone who wasn't silly about money but I wouldn't have prioritised financial prudence over absolutely everything else in a partner

Date who you want, but, given the housing crisis, I think you overly restrict your dating pool if you rule out people still living at home.

This will no doubt be a controversial view, but I really do think that young adults miss out on something by living at home in their 20s. That's the time for being independent and living in shitty house shares and moaning about bills and finding out who you are independent from your parents and without them knowing when you came home last night. I realise that this has never been more expensive for young adults, and it may be financially prudent to live at home, but I do think it's a different sort of young adulthood.

But is the fact someone is living in a flat share a quality?! My DH was living at home because he was being financially prudent, not wasting money on rent and saving money for a deposit to buy a place. I was living in a cheap flat share 200 miles away from home to further my career and ensure financial independence in the future. We were both being financially prudent in our own ways to fit our particular circumstances. That was the quality that I was looking for and it paid off…the OP’s statement was far too sweeping and she is a fool if she dismisses a relationship with someone just because they live with their parents.