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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday and friend.

81 replies

Speckyfourfries · 22/11/2024 13:22

Planned a trip abroad next summer. Costing just under 1k each. My friend was very much up for this and helped choose dates and hotel etc. She couldn't afford to pay upfront so I have paid the full amount with the agreement she will pay me back a monthly amount, her first payment was due next week.
She has just text me to say she's really sorry but can't go now.
I would/will go alone but she's now thinking she doesn't have to pay me?
Aibu in still expecting the money?
I have no one else to go with but that's not the issue its the money, I've just looked and could get a partial refund for £460 for cancelling her share but should she still pay me what I've paid upfront for her ? Or do I get the partial refund and cut my losses :-(
I feel like such an idiot..

OP posts:
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AConcernedCitizen · 28/11/2024 18:06

IdylicDay · 28/11/2024 18:01

Good end result OP but I would not be staying friends with her.

Rule No 1: never, never go on holidays with a friend. 2 thirds of friendships end because of it.
Rule No 2: get money in advance before booking anything.

Two thirds? Where are you getting this information from? 😅

IdylicDay · 28/11/2024 18:01

Good end result OP but I would not be staying friends with her.

Rule No 1: never, never go on holidays with a friend. 2 thirds of friendships end because of it.
Rule No 2: get money in advance before booking anything.

Original poster
Speckyfourfries · 28/11/2024 17:50

Sorry. Didn't update fully..yes someone i think I'll have a better time with!! Can not wait 😍

OP posts:
EmotionalSupportShotgun · 28/11/2024 17:46

Speckyfourfries · 28/11/2024 10:02

Update ... someone else is taking her place and has paid upfront for the change of names and what it has all cost etc

But is the someone else a person you actually want to go on holiday with?

Thinkingaboutanap · 28/11/2024 17:26

NOTcentreparcsandNOTatrifle · 28/11/2024 17:22

Speckyfourfries · Today 10:02

Update ... someone else is taking her place and has paid upfront for the change of names and what it has all cost etc

Show quote history

Thank you, that is good news.

RedVelvetIcing · 28/11/2024 17:25

I would try to replace her and if I couldn’t I would want the full amount.

NOTcentreparcsandNOTatrifle · 28/11/2024 17:22

Thinkingaboutanap · 28/11/2024 16:39

The friendship is over so if none of these brilliant messages work take her to small claims court. Her name is on the bookings so she will be on the hook for the money.

Speckyfourfries · Today 10:02

Update ... someone else is taking her place and has paid upfront for the change of names and what it has all cost etc

Christmasmorale · 28/11/2024 16:50

Speckyfourfries · 28/11/2024 10:02

Update ... someone else is taking her place and has paid upfront for the change of names and what it has all cost etc

great news! You should ask her to pay the fees for the change of names on the principle of it, and refund your friend who’s going with you.

Thinkingaboutanap · 28/11/2024 16:39

The friendship is over so if none of these brilliant messages work take her to small claims court. Her name is on the bookings so she will be on the hook for the money.

killamounjaro · 28/11/2024 15:51

Speckyfourfries · 28/11/2024 10:02

Update ... someone else is taking her place and has paid upfront for the change of names and what it has all cost etc

Someone else that you know I presume, rather than someone the friend has chosen?!

OatFlatWhiteForMePlease · 28/11/2024 13:42

I’m glad for you @Speckyfourfries. Enjoy your trip.

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 28/11/2024 10:28

That IS good news OP! I'm really pleased for you, but hope you'll think long and hard before continuing this 'friendship', as someone who will let you down like this really ISN'T a friend! Hope you enjoy the holiday when the time comes.

Fireworknight · 28/11/2024 10:13

An unusual outcome on mn - a positive resolution. Well done.

Original poster
Speckyfourfries · 28/11/2024 10:02

NetDesMamans1 · 28/11/2024 08:16

Is it possible that she's pulled out because she actually can't afford to go?

Yes think this was it but its resolved now

OP posts:
Original poster
Speckyfourfries · 28/11/2024 10:02

Update ... someone else is taking her place and has paid upfront for the change of names and what it has all cost etc

OP posts:
Lurkingandlearning · 28/11/2024 09:11

Speckyfourfries · 22/11/2024 13:29

Sorry meant to say she thinks ill be able to get someone to replace her place and they can pay...

Tell her that as there is no one who will immediately pay her share you need to get a refund which means the second person part of the holiday will be cancelled. Therefore the option of someone paying her share if you were to find someone more reliable isn’t an option. She needs to pay you her share after the refund and you don’t want the uncertainty of monthly payments unless she can show you she has set up a standing order to your account.

She’s already shown you what as self serving arsehole she is so don’t be surprised if you lose both the money and the friendship

Mattins · 28/11/2024 08:31

NetDesMamans1 · 28/11/2024 08:16

Is it possible that she's pulled out because she actually can't afford to go?

Not the OP’s issue. The friend pays whatever the OP can’t get refunded, and the OP learns a lesson in not subsidising friends who then feel uncommitted to whatever it is, because they haven’t paid a penny, and are more liable to pull out..

Fireworknight · 28/11/2024 08:27

NetDesMamans1 · 28/11/2024 08:16

Is it possible that she's pulled out because she actually can't afford to go?

Not op’s problem.

Fireworknight · 28/11/2024 08:27

She pays you, and if the place is filled, then that person pays her. Do you want to go with someone else?

NetDesMamans1 · 28/11/2024 08:16

Is it possible that she's pulled out because she actually can't afford to go?

Whaleandsnail6 · 28/11/2024 07:45

LookItsMeAgain · 22/11/2024 16:57

I would have to send her a message saying the following (or something very similar):
"Hi Friend - regarding the holiday in 2025 - I am submitting a cancellation as I could use the money rather than the holiday right now. As there is a cost to cancellation, and as you can no longer go on the holiday, your costs will be £XXX (the cost of the cancellation) so that I'm no longer out any money. I wouldn't have paid up front for your ticket had I even the slighted inkling that you would back out of the trip and I don't want to go with anyone else at this point. If you cannot afford to pay me the full amount in one go, I will accept 2 payments of £XXX (whatever it is in half to make two payments). My bank account details can be provided so that you can do an EFT of the money.
I don't want us to fall out over this so as soon as you can, get the money transferred to me.
Talk to you soon - @Speckyfourfries "

I think this is perfect.

Of course she needs to pay for her share.

Potter23 · 28/11/2024 07:40

That’s a really not nice thing to do :-(

feel for you OP.

As others have said you need to spell it out to her that you are not able to fully recovery her costs and that she owes you.

Depending on the terms and conditions have you looked into cancelling altogether? Maybe it will be more favourable and you can recover all of the cost? I’m guessing the holiday is not due to happen for some time if she was due to pay monthly.

You could always then rebook just you?

Kitkatcatflap · 27/11/2024 23:03

You could also send her this thread

crockofshite · 27/11/2024 22:55

Hopefully you have the payment arrangements in writing.

Insist she pays for whatever you can't get refunded from your holiday provider.

The friendship would be over for me.

stichguru · 27/11/2024 17:29

Do you think you could get someone else to go with you? I mean your friend should have approached it differently 100%: She should have paid you anything of her half that wouldn't be refunded as soon as she told you she couldn't go, and offered to pay anything of your half that you couldn't get refunded if you decided not to go. If it's a holiday you would enjoy though, and you have another person you could enjoy it with, who would enjoy going with you and be happy to pay, why not? Everyone's a winner - you still get a holiday, with someone she likes, and she doesn't lose her money.

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