To discuss potential SEN concerns with family member?

You've missed my point. They didn't need to say anything at all. We knew our DC had additional needs. It wouldn't have been their place to tell us before the diagnosis that they thought there was something wrong, but they also shouldn't have told us after the diagnosis that they'd been discussing it behind our backs for years. There was no need.

Could also be glue ear. It can cause ear infections and speach delay because child’s hearing is poor.

She really needs a hearing test (via GP) and SALT referal (often self referal). Can you invite an friend of a friend who whose child has just had done the same thing to drop into conversation.

I'd do something like this, rather than nothing, keeping it light and gauging the response.

Main reason being that the waits for SALT (and presumably other services) are so long at the moment. The great thing about speech, for example, is that the referral can be made and if she catches up in the meantime then she can just refuse the appointment when it comes up. I'd say something like that. I think a hearing test would come up a lot quicker.

@neverbeenskiing But they could not discuss it with you, could they? That’s the problem here. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. They chose not to mention anything but had suspicions - everyone encountering DC who aren’t progressing wonder what’s wrong.

Whatever you do, OP if your DN is eventually identified as having SEN don't let on to her parents that you suspected this was the case.
When my DD was diagnosed with Autism and we told PIL, MIL turned to FIL and said "well, we've always had our suspicions haven't we?" in a tone that was oddly smug and self-congratulatory.
I cannot tell you how utterly shit it made us feel as parents knowing they'd been discussing my child's difficulties behind our backs for years.

It's hard not to when it's very obviousI ,there will come a point when they hace to acknowledge there is something and will have to accept it ,just be there for them when they do .

Yes I was like this I down played my sons delays and I had an older, child ,I just found itcvery difficult in the early days, it must ve quite difficult for them to see your son reaching his milestones,when their daughter is no where near meeting them ,obviously that's nobodies fault but I remember comparing my son alot
As they come to accept things ,things will get easier for them to deal with.

Agree it's very difficult. We have been trying for three and a half years to alert DGS's DPs to his very obvious issues and have been stonewalled throughout.

They appear to be completely oblivious, so all we can do is wait and hope that some agency (school now) will join the dots and he will get the help he needs.

In your position, and given that you’re close to the parents, I’d focus first on the covering ears.

Next time you are somewhere overwhelming I’d say to them “I might be overstepping but have you ever had her ears tested? She keeps covering her ears today and I’m wondering if she feels a bit uncomfortable?”

Ear tests are a pretty standard first step for kids with speech problems or autism so you’re helping getting things moving. But it’s a much much easier question to ask than starting a conversation about autism.

Plus, if she’s already thought about autism then she might well raise it with you in response ….

I'm a professional working in an NHS paediatric team. I do not comment on my friends children's behaviour/ development unless they ask me directly. One good friend did ask me and I gave my view, signposted to the correct pathways and the dc did get a diagnosis of global developmental delay. Another friend never raised her sons development with me, like your experience she seemed a bit oblivious (he's just lazy etc), now that he's started school it's been picked up and my friend was shocked. I don't see it as my place to comment unless asked or in a professional capacity.

I know a girl who's son was at nursery for just a week and was called in for a meeting and told that they had concerns about his development. He's now on the asd pathway, any decent nursery would surely realise? And perhaps they have and like you've said maybe they just want to keep it to themselves for now, it's a really big deal and can be quite upsetting for the parents to hear

I totally see that HV should see this little girl and they do start to flag up services but not much happens until 3. I’m quite surprised nursery is saying she’s ok but of course they could be saying the opposite! You don’t know.

Im well aware some dc go straight to special school but the majority don’t. Mostly parents get advice on speech and parenting. There used to be early nursery places made available and then a decision made when the ECHP was completed about appropriate schools. However parents have to work with others to kick start all of this. It’s not for the aunt to do.

@28andgreat it's completely different, but when I had health issues I didn't want to discus with friends / family who were googling things and trying to make helpful comments. It made me feel worse. So I would be careful not to ruin your close relationship on your assumptions.

You would think. I know someone personally who is just so oblivious to something obvious to everyone and everyone. I'm close enough to them for them to tell me. It's the same thing though, they baby the child and really seem out of touch as to how much they do this. Shocking thing is the mum is a doctor and dad in the medical field, yet completely can't see what's happening in front of them. I just choose to stay out of it.

I have a child who didn't develop normally. I knew. I dealt with it without broadcasting to the wider family at that stage. I really wouldn't have appreciated having family member butt in with their concerns and their 'expertise'. Not you place. Mind your own business.

Do you think it's possible they don't want to talk to you about it, precisely because of what you have said: your children were born 3 weeks apart and are not progressing the same? If their child is at nursery things will have been noticed. They maybe just don't wish to discuss this with you.

Agree with pp that the parents do have to come to the conclusion by themselves. I would also agree that they probably already know in their heads. The two year check and nursery will between them most likely flush out some concerns.

And yes waiting lists are long but they have some time yet. You don't need a diagnosis to get an ehcp if extra support is needed at school.

It sounds like you are doing a lot of research OP, but if it's purely in relation to your DN I think you should take a step back.

As others are saying 2 is not too young, and is actually an ideal age to get the ball rolling especially is there are obvious signs of delay, and possible autism. My son is on track to be diagnosed whilst still 3, and we are aiming to apply for an EHCP before he would start reception. We might even look at deferring him a year even though he’s September born. She’s a summer born, which is delayed they would be in with a very good chance of deferring her a year. That all being said, some autistic children can progress very quickly after turning 3.