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Original poster

Accountability for actions

38 replies

Ang1231 · 22/11/2024 08:24

If you have took accountability for lying abojt your past to your partner but u neber lied about present things and neber would to them why would they keep saying u haven't taken accountability when you have apologised a million times and tried to explain I did out of fear vecayse I panicked but I did come out and tell him the truth and that u shouldn't of lied in the first place

OP posts:
PeggyMitchellsCameo · 22/11/2024 09:15

It is none of his business in the first place.
You are running around in his circles upsetting yourself over doing nothing wrong.
Has he told you what happened in his life during the time you were apart?
You sound like a really, kind loving person. But also very vulnerable and this man knows that.
You should be enjoying your time together and moving forward. If you allow him to keep beating you with this stick, he will continue to do so.
Having been in a similar situation when I was younger, it was held against me to the point where I couldn’t take it anymore.
It took precious years out of my young life. You deserve better.

Apileofballyhoo · 22/11/2024 09:11

This sounds very unhealthy. You shouldn't have been feeling afraid and thinking you had to lie, he shouldn't even have asked. It's not a good relationship and sounds abusive.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 22/11/2024 09:10

You shouldn't need to have lied because you had no need to tell him. It was and isn't anything to do with him unless possibly it was his brother or his entire friendship group and even then it isn't really his business. I would be assuming this is a thing he is going to use to justify any future cheating on his part.

Agix · 22/11/2024 09:03

I'd think it would be weird if a partner lied to me about this because I'd know I'd have no right to care if he went with other people during a period where I had dumped him.

If I found out later that he'd lied about it, my reaction would be "I'm sorry you felt you had to lie about that, you had every right to see other people of course".

But I'd also never would have asked so no disclosure needed, unless he had wanted to talk about it.

So in short, your partner sounds awful on many levels.

x2boys · 22/11/2024 08:54

He seems to want it all.on his terms ,that's not an equal relationship.

x2boys · 22/11/2024 08:51

Ang1231 · 22/11/2024 08:33

So basically we was seeing eacother then we stopped for a couple of years due to him not being ready and I didnr know how he felt and I met a couple of other people in that time but I reached back out becsyee he was rhe one I still thought about, anyway he asked me if I had been with anyone I told him I had and told him everything but there was a couple more people but I lied about the other people becayse it was so painfull bevshse I wish I could of gone back and not go anywhere but I just didn't know how he felt back then and I panicked when he asked me,, so yes I took accountability of ever lying to him insaid to him I should neber of done that to him I was scared and I panicked and I knew it was wrong and said to him I knew I should of been honest at the beginning, also he makes me feel bad for meeting other people sayinf should of reached out before but I said I thought u didn't want me around back then I didn't know so I have also took accountability of the past too even though it was him that said he wanted to be on his own but he says but u should of stayed
But who would stick around when he said he wanted to be on his own

Show quote history

It's none of his business, who you saw or what you did when you were not together i assume he didn't live like a monk?

ChristmasCarnage · 22/11/2024 08:49

You literally haven’t done anything to be accountable for. Are you very, very young, by any chance? This is NOT what relationships are meant to look like - find someone who trusts you and makes you happy.

Lindjam · 22/11/2024 08:48

Relationships are supposed to bring joy, fun and light into your life.

This sounds awful. Dump him.

MissUltraViolet · 22/11/2024 08:46

Lying aside for a moment, he doesn't get to be pissed about anyone you dated after he ended the relationship because he wasn't ready. Tough shit, his fault if he thought he was so spectacular that you'd just sit around and wait for him.

Why did you lie about some people? does he know them? how did he find out?

What's done is done, you either move on or you part ways. He can't continue the relationship and keep using it as a stick to beat you with because you'll both be miserable.

Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/11/2024 08:40

AlertCat · 22/11/2024 08:26

More information needed about these past actions, and what “accountability” would mean to you. Are you talking about taking accountability for the past actions, or for the lies?

Accluntbility means to me taking responsibility for ever lying out of being scared to my partner and expressed thsg to him owning up thst I was wrong to ever of lied to him when honesty is what I should of gave him

OP posts:
Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/11/2024 08:36

AlertCat · 22/11/2024 08:26

More information needed about these past actions, and what “accountability” would mean to you. Are you talking about taking accountability for the past actions, or for the lies?

I said with the past we both didn't communicate back then but we came back together but he says it was all me and blames me for all the past why

OP posts:
Original poster
Ang1231 · 22/11/2024 08:33

AlertCat · 22/11/2024 08:26

More information needed about these past actions, and what “accountability” would mean to you. Are you talking about taking accountability for the past actions, or for the lies?

So basically we was seeing eacother then we stopped for a couple of years due to him not being ready and I didnr know how he felt and I met a couple of other people in that time but I reached back out becsyee he was rhe one I still thought about, anyway he asked me if I had been with anyone I told him I had and told him everything but there was a couple more people but I lied about the other people becayse it was so painfull bevshse I wish I could of gone back and not go anywhere but I just didn't know how he felt back then and I panicked when he asked me,, so yes I took accountability of ever lying to him insaid to him I should neber of done that to him I was scared and I panicked and I knew it was wrong and said to him I knew I should of been honest at the beginning, also he makes me feel bad for meeting other people sayinf should of reached out before but I said I thought u didn't want me around back then I didn't know so I have also took accountability of the past too even though it was him that said he wanted to be on his own but he says but u should of stayed
But who would stick around when he said he wanted to be on his own

OP posts:
AlertCat · 22/11/2024 08:26

More information needed about these past actions, and what “accountability” would mean to you. Are you talking about taking accountability for the past actions, or for the lies?