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Original poster

I can't go dutch

154 replies

Whatinthedoopla · 21/11/2024 21:08

I am currently low on funds, and will be going out to a distant cousin's birthday, but didn't realise the meal is costing £80! And this is without drinks!
I accepted the invitation before knowing the price.

I assume people will be drinking alcohol etc, I am literally going to order 1 soft drink and that's it!

How do I politely decline going Dutch? These are family members I don't see often

OP posts:
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5
Conniebygaslight · 21/11/2024 21:29

Why would you pay £80 to go to a distant cousin’s birthday meal? In fact why would you go at all….🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

willstarttomorrow · 21/11/2024 21:29

Going Dutch is a saying that comes from a stereotype lost in the myths of time that the Dutch are mean eoth money and literally means 'paying your own way'. So only paying for what you order. I am nearly 50 and have when younger agreed to go to something I cannot afford or do not actually want to go to. It is really hard to go out on a budget with people who do not get this and order endless cocktails, all three courses whilst you are on the cheapest main and water. Whilst I could probably do this now as more financially secure, I do not really want to. What I have noticed OP, my younger colleagues and also those my own age are really secure in saying no becaue of the cost. Absolutely no judgement made from anyone.

TheRutshireWI · 21/11/2024 21:29

It doesn't @Dartmoorcheffy en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Going_Dutch

Onthesideofthespiders · 21/11/2024 21:28

cindertoffeeapple · 21/11/2024 21:21

No it doesn’t!

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It does. “Shall we go Dutch?” Means shall we just split the bill.

Paying for ourselves means paying for yourself. Going Dutch mean splitting is evenly. That’s literally the definition. It does not mean to just pay for what you ordered; it means splitting the bill evenly.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 21/11/2024 21:26

By the 'going Dutch' in the title, i thought you were talking about on a date!!

I came to tell you to dump the bastard! 🤭🤭

Don't go op, just make an excuse x

Dartmoorcheffy · 21/11/2024 21:26

cindertoffeeapple · 21/11/2024 21:21

No it doesn’t!

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It really does

cindertoffeeapple · 21/11/2024 21:21

Adviceneeeeded · 21/11/2024 21:13

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo going Dutch means to split the bill evenly

No it doesn’t!

Lyannaa · 21/11/2024 21:20

This sort of thing is very unfair. Why do people think it’s reasonable to assume that everyone can afford an £80 meal?

TomatoSandwiches · 21/11/2024 21:18

rightoguvnor · 21/11/2024 21:14

Diarrhoea is a complete sentence.

Yes it is 😂

CurlyhairedAssassin · 21/11/2024 21:18

Well, it's obviously that you just shouldn't go. What is less obvious is how to tell the inviter. Should you be honest and tell them what you've told us here, or should you feign an illness?

betterangels · 21/11/2024 21:17

ButterCrackers · 21/11/2024 21:13

That’s a lot. Don’t go. No need to give an excuse just say sorry that I can’t attend the birthday dinner - wishing you all the best.

This. That's so much money.

GrumpyCactus · 21/11/2024 21:16

You can't go and not pay for your share. If you can't afford to pay then you need to decline the invitation asap.

Viviennemary · 21/11/2024 21:16

MiddleAgedDread · 21/11/2024 21:09

Just say you can’t go if it’s not even someone close to you!

Yes. Don't go. You can't really afford it. And I will look odd if you sit with one soft drink all night.

Switchingitup · 21/11/2024 21:15

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 21/11/2024 21:14

Then it's being used in a way that I've never heard, but perhaps it has changed its meaning over the years.

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I’m with you - where I’m from, going Dutch means to pay for yourself.

rightoguvnor · 21/11/2024 21:14

Diarrhoea is a complete sentence.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 21/11/2024 21:14

Adviceneeeeded · 21/11/2024 21:13

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo going Dutch means to split the bill evenly

Then it's being used in a way that I've never heard, but perhaps it has changed its meaning over the years.

Coconutter24 · 21/11/2024 21:14

Adviceneeeeded · 21/11/2024 21:12

Ditch it. Don't go Dutch. Gey yourself a takeaway instead

If OP can only afford 1 soft drink they definitely can’t afford a take away 🙈

Adviceneeeeded · 21/11/2024 21:13

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo going Dutch means to split the bill evenly

ButterCrackers · 21/11/2024 21:13

That’s a lot. Don’t go. No need to give an excuse just say sorry that I can’t attend the birthday dinner - wishing you all the best.

Coconutter24 · 21/11/2024 21:12

You can’t politely decline going Dutch, if you want to go you need to pay you’re share and if you can’t afford it you need to say you can no longer make it

Dartmoorcheffy · 21/11/2024 21:12

Just send apologies and don't go.

Adviceneeeeded · 21/11/2024 21:12

Ditch it. Don't go Dutch. Gey yourself a takeaway instead

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 21/11/2024 21:12

You don't have to go, anyway, you could just send apologies. Very expensive.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 21/11/2024 21:11

How do I politely decline going Dutch? These are family members I don't see often
Sorry to quibble, but by 'going Dutch' do you mean splitting the bill evenly? Dutch would mean each person pays for what they have, which would suit you.

Intheband · 21/11/2024 21:11

I’d feign illness and have a night in…. But I’m not a social butterfly and probably would have declined the invitation.