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AIBU?

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Original poster

To pretend this school mum simply does not exist

129 replies

h733 · 21/11/2024 18:19

I found out through a mutual 'friend' that a particular school mum had been talking badly about me behind my back.

Aibu to just ignore her existence?

She has, in the past, turned her whole back on me to exclude me from a conversation.

OP posts:
Wigglywoowho · 21/11/2024 18:41

I'd kill it with kindness. It happened at my daughter's school. I have no idea what the issue is. TBH I don't really care. I'm an old lady. I don't have the energy for nonsense. I'm not there to have conflict or make friends. Im there drop/ collect DC. I smile and say good morning because the kids don't need the atmosphere. My DC wasn't invited to her kids birthday. I explained to my DC that you can't be invited to everyonea birthday. Her kid has been invited to my DC birthday because my DC wrote the guest list. Realistically, I don't care if people love me, hate me or talk shit about me. Their opinion is irrelevant.

wyeaye · 21/11/2024 18:40

Yep I'd continue saying a cheery 'Morning' but NO more.

Don't give her any excuse to bitch about you any further. Stupid cow.

Original poster
h733 · 21/11/2024 18:40

sunshineandshowers40 · 21/11/2024 18:37

I would just avoid eye contact. Be polite if she says hi but don't engage. Are your kids friends? How many school run years do you have ahead of you?

They're only in year 2, and the school goes up to a-levels Confused

OP posts:
TheErinyes · 21/11/2024 18:39

Nah, head-butt her while screaming ‘You dissed me, you psycho bitch!’

Or, you know, wonder why the friend who felt she had to let you know was labouring under the delusion you had the remotest interest in the opinion of someone you barely know? I wouldn’t give hippie a second thought.

Original poster
h733 · 21/11/2024 18:39

What exactly did your friend say when they told you the other mum was ‘badmouthing’ you? They must have given some specifics, seems incredibly childish and quite odd of she just said ‘Sandra was saying thing about you to Jane yesterday’ without context.

She told me. We had had quite a lot to drink, I can hold my drink well though. I let her talk and talk and talk. Becoming more and more convinced that it wasn't a friendship group I should want to be in.

I don't, however, want my son to miss out on stuff.

OP posts:
Original poster
h733 · 21/11/2024 18:38

In which case, why are you even on here agonising. Nod and smile poltely, exchange hellos if you must, then rapidly move on and get on with your life and spending time with your actual friends?

Honestly I don't know. It gets under my skin when people don't like me for no reason.

OP posts:
sunshineandshowers40 · 21/11/2024 18:37

I would just avoid eye contact. Be polite if she says hi but don't engage. Are your kids friends? How many school run years do you have ahead of you?

Original poster
h733 · 21/11/2024 18:36

Half smile tip head engage with your child it's a polite acknowledgement but not a "friendly" one

Yes, have been doing similar thus far

OP posts:
LostTheMarble · 21/11/2024 18:35

h733 · 21/11/2024 18:34

No idea what the issue is, she just doesn't like me for whatever reason.

Yes other 'friend' could be shit stirring. The way they all speak about each other means I don't trust any of them.

Show quote history

What exactly did your friend say when they told you the other mum was ‘badmouthing’ you? They must have given some specifics, seems incredibly childish and quite odd of she just said ‘Sandra was saying thing about you to Jane yesterday’ without context.

SmalllChange · 21/11/2024 18:35

h733 · 21/11/2024 18:27

So, say hello back? That really rankles.

I don't really want to be a dick, but equally I don't want to be a walk over

Show quote history

Take her to one side and ask her what she's been saying behind your back.

Don't worry about dropping the person who told you in it, because they're a shit stirrer anyway.

Original poster
h733 · 21/11/2024 18:35

TheTruthICantSay · 21/11/2024 18:29

You have 4 options here.

Option 1: Be super friendly and chatty, while secretly (or not so secretly) hating her
Option 2: Start to blank her whenever you see her, refuse to attend events at which she will be present etc. Accept that she will ramp up the negative commentary.
Option 3: Call her out on her behaviour and talk it out. Obviouslt that always ends really well.
Option 4: Be polite and cordial while discreetly removing yourself from her sphere of influence.

Also, be wary of the person telling tales.... why is someone telling you things that upset you when there's little you can do? Is this person standing up for you when she's standing there listening or is she just gleefully passing the message along to you?!

Oh I agree. After that dinner I decided I didn't trust any of the clique and remember to distance myself.

Will go with option 4 in regards to head weirdo woman

OP posts:
ObtuseMoose · 21/11/2024 18:35

Go full Alexis Carrington Colby and start a fight.

TheTruthICantSay · 21/11/2024 18:34

h733 · 21/11/2024 18:34

No idea what the issue is, she just doesn't like me for whatever reason.

Yes other 'friend' could be shit stirring. The way they all speak about each other means I don't trust any of them.

Show quote history

In which case, why are you even on here agonising. Nod and smile poltely, exchange hellos if you must, then rapidly move on and get on with your life and spending time with your actual friends?

Original poster
h733 · 21/11/2024 18:34

LostTheMarble · 21/11/2024 18:28

Depends what the issue is, have your kids fallen out? Did you sleep with her husband? Is it possibly the other friend shit stirring? Is it something you can as an adult reasonably approach her about and show your children how to deal with fallouts? Or simply ignore her, doesn’t sound like you were friends to start with really.

The middle one is in jest before someone jumps on my post. Unless it’s true, in which case 🍿.

No idea what the issue is, she just doesn't like me for whatever reason.

Yes other 'friend' could be shit stirring. The way they all speak about each other means I don't trust any of them.

OP posts:
ImJustAGirlInACountrySong · 21/11/2024 18:33

Comedycook · 21/11/2024 18:31

Be civil but aloof

Yea but I'd want her to know exactly why I'm being aloof

TheBigSalami · 21/11/2024 18:32

Just be pleasant. Is she’s a bitchy type, she might thrive on knowing you’re offended otherwise.

Ilovemyshed · 21/11/2024 18:32

Yep, take the high ground. Sweetness and light, a cheery hello and stonewall, will totally piss her off.
Water off a ducks back.

Comedycook · 21/11/2024 18:31

Be civil but aloof

JiminaSlump · 21/11/2024 18:30

h733 · 21/11/2024 18:25

How should I deal with her saying 'morning' or whatever?

I feel like it's very two-faced

Say 'Hi!' back politely, and stonewall her pleasantly otherwise.

She might well be a shitty human, but equally, your kids might end up being friends. You don't need to be her best mate to not burn a bridge.

Blandly pleasant will be you winning. Take satisfaction in it. I would.

Theunamedcat · 21/11/2024 18:30

h733 · 21/11/2024 18:27

So, say hello back? That really rankles.

I don't really want to be a dick, but equally I don't want to be a walk over

Show quote history

Half smile tip head engage with your child it's a polite acknowledgement but not a "friendly" one

ImJustAGirlInACountrySong · 21/11/2024 18:30

I'd have to bite back op

I'd say something ... in front of her mates and other mums

Big smile 'I hear I've been the topic of conversation....what's so interesting about me'?

Leave her to flounder

TheTruthICantSay · 21/11/2024 18:29

You have 4 options here.

Option 1: Be super friendly and chatty, while secretly (or not so secretly) hating her
Option 2: Start to blank her whenever you see her, refuse to attend events at which she will be present etc. Accept that she will ramp up the negative commentary.
Option 3: Call her out on her behaviour and talk it out. Obviouslt that always ends really well.
Option 4: Be polite and cordial while discreetly removing yourself from her sphere of influence.

Also, be wary of the person telling tales.... why is someone telling you things that upset you when there's little you can do? Is this person standing up for you when she's standing there listening or is she just gleefully passing the message along to you?!

LostTheMarble · 21/11/2024 18:28

Depends what the issue is, have your kids fallen out? Did you sleep with her husband? Is it possibly the other friend shit stirring? Is it something you can as an adult reasonably approach her about and show your children how to deal with fallouts? Or simply ignore her, doesn’t sound like you were friends to start with really.

The middle one is in jest before someone jumps on my post. Unless it’s true, in which case 🍿.

Original poster
h733 · 21/11/2024 18:27

maydaymayday1 · 21/11/2024 18:26

Just be polite and nothing else. Don't engage but don't act like a child

So, say hello back? That really rankles.

I don't really want to be a dick, but equally I don't want to be a walk over

OP posts:
maydaymayday1 · 21/11/2024 18:26

Just be polite and nothing else. Don't engage but don't act like a child

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