Grandparent visits how to tell them to go home?

Stick to your normal routine, kids shower and jammies at their usual time etc.

GP's can either help out or watch the news on TV (other channel available on request).

If you’re too scared to tell the truth and send her home, just book in an extra club so she can’t come.

Just let her know the kids struggle going to bed late when she visits, and ask her if she could leave an hour earlier. Sure she won’t mind

drop the showers and the other rigid routine stuff that won’t carry any memories for your children in future and be thankful that she’s travelled one hour to see them. i would even drop the clubs in favour of allowing them and her to spend more time together.

@Jshnk The having to sit with your child until they sleep is the pinch point here, thats something you do need to do something about.

night night, sleeep well, love you, pull door to and go and have a chat with your mum.

If you can’t “control” your mums approach. Control your children!

tell them they’re getting tired and horrible and need to be ready for bed early. They can see grandma when they’re clean and in their pjs. Then they need to go off to bed, alone, so you can spend half an hour with Grandma for adult time.

you’ll probably need to start this conversation a day after a visit, and remind them regularly until her next one.

Can you just very obviously start the bedtime routine and say sorry mum have to get cracking. She can either stay and warch tv etc or go

Why can't daily life just go on at normal tomes whilst she's there.? Eg normal shower ,bed times etc. Just don't get this at all.

As nice as it is for your mum, your kids needs come first before their grandmother's and they need sleep. Their brains are still developing right up to adulthood and staying in a good sleep routine is one of the best things for that.

Tell her you need to have them in bed at particular times so she needs to leave earlier for these visits to work. That seems fairly inoffensive and straightforward.

If you get pushback only then I'd go a little more harsh to get the point across and tell her you have to put their needs before hers. If you phrase it like that, how can she refuse? They're children, she's an adult.

Young children do need their sleep. A delay of 90 minutes can make them tired the next day and also put them out of routine. The Grandmother is putting herself before the children.

I'd try talking to her through the kids- "OK kids, time to say bye bye to Grandma now as its time to get you into upstairs and into bed- go and give her a big hug and kiss before she heads off", get everyone to say their goodbyes and hope she then leaves.

Or I'd go with "right mum, can you help child x into PJs for me while I get child Y's teeth cleaned?" (I.e., just tell her she has a job, don't ask or wait for her to offer)

Or I'd have more of a quiet word to say that actually, the kids are really overtired at school and current arrangement isn't working. You love having her round regulary and her, but please could she leave by X time as the kids need to be in bed earlier on weeknights.

Could you give her 2 options? Either she helps, and they get to bed on time, or she cuts back to visiting once a fortnight/once a month so the late bedtime doesn’t matter so much? Tell her they can’t cope with a late night more often than that

as LeopardsANeutral says, I think she may crave adult company even more than spending time with grandkids. Can you maybe get your DH to take over more of the bedtime routine on that day so you can sit and have a visit with your mum? I do understand your dilemma, though. She might think she's being rude by rushing off just after dinner!

What age are your kids?

Do you think she's sort of waiting for the kids to go to bed so then she can spend some adult time with you? My sister will often come over, we'll go off to do bedtime, leave her watching TV and then come back down and have kid free time.

Brill - extra bedtime help, bath, stories,
little
hat and kiss goodnight with each child, you can be with one then swap with her, job done.
set the times with your mum then do it , if she doesn’t like it say she’ll have to leave
at X time, but begin your bed routine at the time that suits you

This is my biggest fear of when my in-laws move closer.
They don't get I work, I have a strict routine with my kids, I can't sit up and chat to them all night..

It sounds as though seeing you, your brother and the grandchildren are the highlights of her week. If she has nothing else in her life her house must feel very quiet and she may feel lonely. At 75 she may not have the energy to do tasks with the children. Even a journey across London, especially travelling home in the cold and dark, would exhaust many people I know of her age. You are lucky she is prepared to travel to stay for such a short time. Some people on here are saying having such an empty life is her choice but it’s not always that simple. Friends die or are restricted by illness and it’s hard to have the confidence to make new friends or join groups. Could you help her to develop some other interests so she has more of a social life?

I think telling her something like- mum the kids are total shits when they don't get to bed on time so we are cracking down on bedtimes, could you come another day so there is time for a good visit before you need to head out at 7?

Oh, I see! Well now you've said that, I can't help thinking that at 75 or thereabouts, she may not want to be bothered with doing bedtime with the grandkids, I was mid 40's when I had grandkids of your kids age, and so would happily have helped out with bedtime routine, but 75 I doubt I'd want to do it either. Why can't she come on a Friday though?

I would carry on your normal routine, whilst your Mum is there. Don't wait until she leaves before getting the children ready for bed. If you usually take them upstairs for a bath a 6pm, then do exactly that. If their bedtime comes and she's still there, then too bad, off to bed they go. I have my sister-in-law visit once a week, and she's done so ever since my son was a baby. I didn't change my routine just because she was visiting. As far as I am concerned the person visiting has to fit in with me. Eventually, your Mum will learn your routine, and may even start leaving once the children go to bed!

She's your mother! Just say 'mum lovely to see you but it's time to get the kids ready for bedtime if you want to help out or otherwise we will see you next week'
My mother used to always call at 7pm and I just told her that's exactly when I start the whole bedtime routine and if either call her back or she needs to call me earlier. She was fine either way it.

Oh she would be mortified to have to do any of the tasks with the kids. She is in her mid-70s and whilst she wants company, she doesn't really like doing tasks.

Seems strange she travels across to see them, but doesn't want to snuggle up with them for a bedtime story. Not like you are asking her to take them to the zoo for the day. My Dad was quite disabled when my dc were little, but loved being able to read to them.

However, if she doesn't take your hint then you need to say "Mum, you will need to be going by 7 from now on as the dc need their sleep and it helps if we keep in routine". Gives her the chance to say she will give you a hand if she wanted to, but makes it clear you can't be there chatting with her.