To think I can't go back to work at 6 months?

I went back at 6 months and still breast feed my now 1 year old.

However, she is only in childcare 1/2 days and I work flexibly (evenings/nap times) for the rest. Even that is tricky, but in some ways would be easier if she was in full days. Can you compress your hours (esp if you’re working extra in the evening) so you have 3 days at home with her?

I went back after 10 weeks mat leave (US)
I built up a milk stash in the freezer and pumped as soon as I got home while feeding from the other side. There was a can of formula for emergency use and it was used a few times. I was lucky enough to have MIL do the babysitting as much as I didn't like her she loved her grandson and did a good job.
I worked about a year then took a year off when MIL moved away.
It is doable. Start pumping and freezing and get someone else to give baby the bottle.

This sounds tough but it's still 3 months away. Your baby is already very different to a newborn and 6 months old will be quite different to how your life is now. Work on introducing some formula feeds, try different brands to see if baby likes one more than others (get the wee ready-mixed bottles to try). Do you have annual leave built up during your maternity that could be used to push back your return to work?

I would say this is the only option. If you can't work and can't resign I don't see a way forward. I suppose you could ask to temporarily reduce your hours.

I wouldn’t go back. I really wouldn’t. What’s the point in having the baby if at 6 months you have to leave it full time? I’m sorry, I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I’d pay the money back and enjoy my baby.

Some helpful(?) advice / thoughts

• find a Childminder or nanny ideally nearish to you. You feel a lot better and it will be a lot easier
• start weaning at 5m they recommend this for most milk allergy babies anyway.
• get your baby to like avocado (super calorie filled) my cmpa baby wasn’t keen but through sheer exposure every day for a month he learned to love it. He is bigger and sturdier -> less guilt about leaving him
• Start pumping now and try and build some supplies
• dont dismiss formula - it will take the heat off
• you can start milk ladder from 10m
• on the formula something like aptmil pepti 1 tastes WAY better than Alfa mino etc. we are milk laddering using aptimil so giving small bits to DS instead of his regular gross milk 🤮
• you can mix the formula into food! Works great in mashed potato and “fish pie” type meals
• be firm / proactive with your diary to try and get 1-2 days wfh

for you… use the weekend but take 2 days 1 to review your wardrobe and 1 to get a haircut and buy a few new bits so you feel good in yourself about going back

its hard but once you get into it, it is okay

Can you reduce your hours, even for a short time? I went back 24 hours a week at 5 months. 12 hour shifts and continued to breastfeed, increased to full time at 9 months and continued to breastfeed until dc 3 years old. You get into a routine and I did it as a single parent, needed to accept that life was work and parenting for a while

I went back when my first baby was 6 months. It was hard but very doable. The years fly by and he's a big 6ft 16 year old and hasn't been affected whatsoever by his Mum working!

I went back to work at 12 weeks in a similar sounding job after both DC and pumped until they were 12 months. It is doable although I won’t say easy.

I built up a freezer store a month before going back by expressing from one boob while feeding from the other side- helped boost my supply and a freezer store gives huge peace of mind.

I used to feed before and straight after work and pump twice during the day- 20 mins a time. Monday’s expressed milk would stay in the fridge to be used on Tuesday etc with Friday’s milk going into the freezer.

It got much more manageable after 6 months as once they started having some solids the pressure for milk reduced.

Both DC did prefer feeding direct so I’m afraid used to feed more at night. That wasn’t necessarily a bad thing though as 1) it reduced the amount of milk I needed to express and 2) I used to bring them into bed with me and we would sleep cuddled up- I always felt I got plenty of time with my babies and they definitely knew who their mummy was!

It was easier for me as I had straightforward births so no pain by the time I went back and I had actively chosen to go back at that time. Good luck- I know right now it must feel overwhelming

It's definitely doable; not long ago it was 13 weeks in the UK.
It will be much easier and preferable for all with a nanny .
Baby will be taking solids soon and quite quickly drinking water from beakers and only really having a bf morning and night.The awful pumping scenario needn't be a long term thing .

Any chance of additional unpaid leave?

If not then I would suggest introducing some formula and combi feeding to make things a bit easier. Pumping is time consuming (I had a elvie but I found it didn't work that well vs a wired option) and although BFing is obviouly preferable, I think a compromise might be more viable. You'd still need to pump but much less if the baby has some formula whilst you are away.

I went back at 6 months but I WFH almost exclusively for a couple of months and after that only went in 1 day a week. My OH was looking after the baby so quite different.

Of course you can do it. It will be tough but you will get through it.

Where abroad are you?
I had to go back at 4 months, I decided a live in nanny was the right choice. In the end she stayed with me for 10 years including moving back to the UK from the ME.

It's not without stress etc but the big tip...drop the guilt. You have nothing to feel guilty about and it's a pointless emotion.

when baby is 6 months they will begin eating solids and require fewer feeds, I suggest getting him used to accepting formula by mixing it gradually with breast milk and then introducing baby porridge. You can give him morning and bedtime breast feeds and he will hopefully accept formula without you needing to pump. I honestly think pumping will be really tricky and I would have struggled with that.

Could you mix the formula and breastmilk together to make it taste better?

I went back at six months with both my DC and it was very doable.

So I went back to work full time 9-6 at 4 months with an ebf baby with a fairly demanding job which meant I worked in the evenings occasionally.

What made it work for me was WFH entirely and a childminder 5 minutes from home who was also very flexible with regards to taking on an ill child as long as her temp wasn't above 39 and she wasn't vomiting. Also a DH who could do pick ups/drop offs from time to time and who would share the load with regards to taking days off when she was sick.

I pumped at my desk at home but it wasn't super fun. Definitely invest in a hospital grade pump (you hire them where I live and it's reimbursed by Social Security).

In your case it will definitely be tricky. Is your very full on job well paid? If so, I would suggest a nanny in the home would probably make it manageable. If it isn't, I would really consider whether it is somewhere you want to stay with a young child. I also echo a PP which says that if you are still struggling with birth injuries to see if you can be signed off sick to give you extra time to recover.

I returned after 5 weeks. I had two businesses to run and no choice. You need to get yourself a nanny you can trust with your life and a good housekeeper who will make dinner as much as you can afford.

I’m not going to tell you you’re ridiculous but I will tell you it can be easy with the right help.

Honestly, you will cope. They won't be a stranger after their first day with the caregiver, your baby will settle with them much faster than later on, as they start on solids the bf/ pumping becomes less (but is a lovely way to be connected with them) and as long as your dh pulls his weight at home and baby pick ups it will all work out.
I do know what its like - I went back to work FT (no WFH) when ds was 4.5 months old and fully bf and he went to FT nursery. He's 18 now and no scars from it!

How long do you have to stay after going back before you can not pay any back? If you really can’t do it, get signed off sick for the duration?

You've grown a baby. Given birth to a baby. Nailed what sounds like a pretty hectic job for years.

Of course you can bloody well do this! You've proven yourself resilient. Is this ideal? No. But when is life ever?

I had my first baby very young and had only 3 months maternity. Its tough, I do understand it. But either you have to reduce your outgoings so you can stay at home, do the same and get a part time job, or pay for childcare. Sadly most of us have to do things that we would not do in an ideal world.

being a parent is tough! You'll have to get used to it... we all have our issues, though I entirely sympathise with your position (!). I doesn't get easier for a good few years... and six months is not THAT short a ML... ideal would be forever of course but, as you say, financial implications affect us all (or most of us anyway...)

How long do you have to stay working there for?

It is totally doable. I've gone back before six months, twice. Not ideal, no, but doable.
You and baby will be absolutely fine.