To think I can't go back to work at 6 months?

Is your job role flexible?

Could you work evenings and weekends, so you’ll need less childcare?

Do you have any family members who can help you out?

Well I'm not going to tell you you're ridiculous, because you're not.

But I am going to tell you it's doable. When I had DS my employer only offered statutory minimum, which IIRC was 8 weeks on 90% pay and 12 weeks on £55 p/w (It was >20 years ago). DS was 4 months old when I went back to work, because we ran out of money. We found a magnificent childminder who I totally trusted to care for him.

It's doable.

I'm sorry you're struggling. My experience was more than 20 years ago but back to work at 4 months. DC in nursery 7.30am - 6.15pm 3 days a week with me doing nursery drop, car, train, tube, reverse journey, nursery pick up. It was hard but you just do what you have to do in the end. Many years later when I got off that merry go round I wondered how on earth I kept going.

I’m not sure where you are, but most women who come back to my work are pumping. We have multiple lactation rooms and they can also just pump in offices. It is very supported and normalized.

if you are able to control your own calendar, manipulate it as much as possible to keep two days a week free to wfh. You will still need child care, but cutting out the commute time and general wasted time around being in the office will help. You also won’t have to worry about transporting your pumped milk those days.

i ghosted block my schedule. It’s how i am able to almost always leave on time to pick up dd. I just happen to have a recurring meeting at the end of my day that finishes right when i leave.

Of course it's doable - those of us having babies 30 years ago only had 3 months
Mat leave. It's tough, I won't deny it, particularly if you're still bf (I was) and when they're still having night feeds.

However, on the plus side, my baby experienced no separation anxiety, it just hasn't kicked in at that stage. I look at much younger colleagues now who start leaving their children in childcare at around a year old and many of them have a really tough time. Another upside is that a short mat leave means you never really get out of the loop, it's easy to slot back in whereas I imagine if you haven't been working for a year, it's a more difficult adjustment.

Can you just stop doing the 1-2 hours after work and the extra hours around work?

I.e. literally work your contracted hours and if they want to manage you out then so be it? Hopefully they won't and you might get used to it/it not be so bad.

If you'd be happy quitting except for the fact you'd have to pay back your enhanced maternity leave it might be viable?

Can you go back 4 days a week?

This , however hard it may seem is perfectly normal in lots of countries . Lots of people in America and Canada take very little maternity leave . The thought of doing it is probably worse than the actual doing if you get my drift .

It isn't easy but you can do it. I went back at 8 months with Dd1, 12 months with DS 1 and 6 months with DD2. With DD2 I started a new role in senior leadership which was challenging. We got a fabulous Nanny and I wfh a couple days a week so could breast feed on those days (camera off)!

What country are you in?

You’ll be fine! It’s not ideal but by 6 months your baby will be eating food and can drink out of a cup hopefully and could drink soya milk or whatever instead of the formula that your baby doesn’t like !

my little boy has just turned 6 months and he’s only needing breastfeeding 4 times a day at the moment - it will start to be less frequent and the baby will adjust!

This
I am sorry for what you are going through OP, difficult time.
My childminder turned out to be one of the best people in my child's life and she was a total stranger.
Take care, one day at a time

I went back at 7 months, because I needed the money. It was fine! I was worried as baby was EBF and SCREAMED ever time we even went near her with a bottle. Certainly at the 3 months point it seemed impossible. So we tried again every few weeks and she was totally fine. They change so much by 6M! I actually enjoyed being back at work as I could relax knowing I only had myself to look after!

You can do it!! Great advice on this thread already but completely agree that the evening work will be the most difficult. Not sustainable if baby up lots in the night which my 2 were. You’ll need to get to sleep asap. I found I was so much more productive in the day when went back after first was 7 months (knowing I was paying a nanny!) that I stopped evening work and you just fit it in.

I had to go back at 5 months with my first, who was a cmpa and severe reflux baby. He wouldn't breastfeed so just had the nasty amino acid formula to puke over and over. It was pretty bad as he didn't sleep, but we all survived, though it was devastating at the time. I was fortunate to work full time, from home, with heaps of flexibility then. I often crumbled and collected him very early.

With my second - a healthy one this time, but an exclusive breastfeeder - I went back at 7 months (would have been 6 but I got made redundant). I got hands free pumps which were adequate, although they can't fully replicate that baby latch for a complete full empty. Not that she would take it - she refused pumped, cow, formula and oat milk, still today at almost 3 (she's still feeding like crazy too). I did regular milk donations to a poorly local baby instead. My daughter had water and lots of food at nursery, she took really well to solids (unlike my first who didn't really eat until 2....).

I have an amazing bond with both kids, and am still top parent ;) You can totally do this. There are lots of women who can't stay home until they're 1/2/3, because otherwise they'd lose their home. It's crap, especially when they're as small as yours. The important thing is to find childcare that will be flexible for their specific needs (no regimented nap/milk times) and free with their love and affection. It felt weird when I first saw the baby room manager give my tiny son a kiss on the head, but knowing they would hold him whole he slept on them for an entire 2 hour nap, and love him like I would, made me feel better.

Just prepare yourself for the mammoth feeding sessions when baby is home. Mine fed for at least 2 hours the minute she came in the door, every night, for about a year. It's still the first thing she does now after nursery.

I went back to work after 6 months and then caned it at work to get a promotion and payrise within a year. It is possible, yes it will be hard. My dc is now 10 and no ill effects... we have an amazing bond.

I went back to work full time at 16 weeks with my first, EBF baby.

Sort your childcare out asap - I struck gold and that person is like family to us. Make sure they have space to store frozen milk and are willing to give it.

Arrange a place to pump and store milk at work. By 6 months a couple of times a day at work should be fine. Block those times in your calendar. Get a good pump - mine was just a hand one which was quieter than an electric one.

get your partner to do the cooking so you can feed them when you get home and again before bed, and they can sort out breakfast in the morning whilst you do a feed.

focus just on yourself, your baby and your work. Drop all other commitments you can, and if you can afford it, get a cleaner (I couldn’t!)

be prepared for all the emotions of going back to work. Remember it’s just a phase and you won’t be breastfeeding forever! I now have a 20 something who is a strong independent young person with a solid work ethic who chooses to spend time with me.

ETA:

my partner didn’t pull his weight and would often get lost on the way home in the pub

I had no family help

the tip to start pumping now to build up a freezer stash is a good one

Not sure this helps but when I had mine you got 29 weeks max, many went back earlier due to maternity pay ending earlier . Babies were fine, women managed, went pt or quit. In a perfect world we wouldn't be making this decision yet but it will be ok

I went back at 6 months with mine. 20 years ago it was pretty normal.

I worked shorter hours than you, but worked every day and there was no option to wfh in those days.

Yes, I was knackered, but the dcs were fine. They settled into nursery without any problem at all and it just became our way of life.

Can you at least stick it out until contractually you don't have to pay your maternity pay back?

Is there anyway you could ask to go back 4 days? Having one less day might help. I did go back at 26 weeks for my oldest 2, as maternity leave was only 6 months in the early 2000’s. Yes it was doable, my husband worked full time and at that time there was no home working so we were both travelling into work each day. My second would not take a bottle at that time from me, but actually was fine at nursery, sometimes he would want a feed as soon as he saw me, but otherwise he was fine, I think they offered formula milk and water in a sippy cup and he was eating cereal etc. I didn’t express for him at work and my supply just kind of adjusted ok. It was hard but the time passed quickly and neither of them seemed to be affected long term.

You were lucky to get six months!

Its totally doable and majority of women in the world have to make it work with much less

If you can afford a nanny, that could work very well all the way through to school. Take time to choose the right woman. Milk and food will work out. Hopefully you can get some flexibility on office hours and commute. It’ll be worth it in the long term. And as I said it’s what most women have to do, so you’re in good company!

It's absolutely doable. My friend in Paris has gone back at 3 months each time because that's what she had to do. Pumping is legally protected in the US precisely because leaves are so short and more US women manage to breastfeed than UK ones, so it's clearly workable.

It might not be the most fun you have ever had but you will adapt and cope and so will your baby.

Definitely doable. At 6 months, your baby will start solids which will help too.

I went back at 3 months by choice but I formula fed. It’s definitely trickier with breastfeeding but not impossible.

I’m self employed and had to go back at 6mo to keep my business. My ds was ebf and refused bottles. It was fine.
We started food a bit early (5.5mo) and got him eating lots. Mostly now but lots of dairy and porridge made up with bm (changed to cows milk after a few mo). I trained him to use a cup with loads of practice and he never did take a bottle. He bf till 13mo but only morning and evening. After the first month or two I didn’t even pump during the day.
honestly they change so much at the 6mo point.
the one thing I wouldn’t do in this first year is the extra work from home in the evening. Your baby will need you in the evening and then you’ll need your sleep. You just need to make excuses why you can’t work at home except in dire emergencies.

Of course it’s doable. Your baby won’t be EBF at six months, they will be on solid food.

I went back to my very stressful job as a lawyer at six months, twice. My kids are happy and healthy teens now, I don’t think they suffered harm.

Spare a thought for my late mum who, decades ago, as headmistress of a secondary school, went back to work when my sister was two weeks old. Said sister is now an eye surgeon, she herself only took 3 months leave when she had her kids.

Instead of comparing your situation to that of people who have two years off, look at all the women who go back at two weeks, or four weeks - and think how hard that must be. If they can do it, so can you.