To think I can't go back to work at 6 months?

Exactly.

Also good post from @KnigCnut .

Seriously @RabbitsEatPancakes - you should give some thought to what you post, especially on a thread from a new Mum who is feeling a bit vulnerable.
"Horrifically cruel" indeed.

You do know that first milestones can happen at home too? They don’t always happen at nursery.

OP is also talking about a 6 month old, not a 3 month old.

Definitely not ideal, I wouldn't want to and I really do feel for you! I'm only expecting my first as well.

Speaking from experiences of other women I know, quite a few teachers have gone back after 6 months and returned full time. My own mum took 3 months with me and 6 with my brother, pumped at work and had a nanny (which apparently cost the same as her salary). A friend of a friend took something like 4 weeks or something crazy in France!

I think it's probably harder for us to leave them than it is for them to be looked after by someone else.

I went back part time at six months but what you describe sounds horrendous. Let's not beat around the bush.

You will be woken at night, you will come home and be absolutely broken at the end of the day and want to take your baby and go to bed. You will not have it in you to do two hours more work .

I would be looking at ways to quit and return to UK.

I had to go back to work FT at 6 months because I was the main wage earner and we couldn't afford for me to stay off. Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. You may find thqat the baby will drink milk for others but not for you, or drink water in the day and BF at night.

There is a lot of hate against working mothers that seems ( from all evidence ) utterly unjustified

6 months is 24 weeks not 12 - is OP going back after 3 months or 6?

I only recall one baby first - that first smile
After that the delight moments occurred when she was older - things she did that made me proud of the person she was becoming

If you really can't cope the one of you has to give up working. Baby will move onto bottle if they have too.

Come one, what major firsts are after a year? First jump? The big ones are in the first year. Not just firsts but them learning, developing their basic feelings even towards food for example.

Sorry my opinion of it being cruel to separate tiny babies from their mums has made so many who chose to do this feel guilty. But I'm allowed to think it is.

If you're out of the house 8-6 5 days a week then you're hardly still their main influence. Their nanny would be.

Consider that dogs live a fraction of what we do and its illegal to remove them from their mums before 8 weeks. Why would a human baby be ok to be away for such long periods at 12 weeks. Inhumane, and absolutely I wouldn't have had my babies if I was planning that.

Had to go back at 16 weeks with DS1. That's all it covered back then. My wages covered the nursery and about £100 on top, but we needed that £100 so off I went.

6 months would have been better.

You're not being ridiculous but it is totally doable.

I went back to work when my daughter was 5 months old. I was out of the house from 8am-6pm (admittedly only 3 days a week).

In those days, the advice was to introduce solids at 4 months. That was helpful because I had time to get her used to solid food before I went back to work.

I had started pumping and storing milk well before I went back to work, so I had lots stored in the freezer which I gave to my childminder.

On working days I fed her myself in the morning and evening and pumped once during the day. On non-working days I fed her whenever she wanted it and also pumped a bit. For the first few days it was a bit uncomfortable only pumping once, but breasts are wonderfully adaptable and it didn't cause any problems to swap between working and non-working days.

The stocks of milk in the freezer gradually dwindled because I wasn't adding as much as she was using, but it lasted until she was 12 months old and could drink cow's milk. At that point I stopped pumping, but continued to breastfeed for another 6 months.

Yes, it is hard to go back to work when you child is so young, but it's harder for you than it is for your child (obviously provided that you find decent childcare. I was lucky to have a wonderful childminder.

Good luck.

@RabbitsEatPancakes lots of ‘firsts’ come after they are one so even parents who have a year off might still miss things . With your logic anybody who works before their child goes to school is being horrifically cruel to their child . Ridiculous .

Great that your DH could do most of the drops offs. That’s such a help - can completely see why it’s doable when both parents can split the drop offs and pick ups. And some working from home. Is this an option for you OP?

Hard as it may be I think you need to stop breast feeding and switch to bottles before you go back to work. Find a formula that works. That will relieve a lot of stress. You can’t be perfect at home and perfect at work. I switched to bottles at three months for both DC and they grew up healthy and strong. My DiL went back to work after 12 weeks and I know a head teacher who only took 6 weeks. You need a nanny - baby really won’t mind who gives cuddles, feeds and changes nappies.

It is totally doable. I went back when my first was 16 weeks old, as I could not afford to stay off longer. I had 1.5 hour each way commute, so left around 7am, not home until 7pm, DH did most of the drop offs although I did negotiate some WFH. He was a dairy intolerant, refluxy little delight and work was soooo much easier than being at home with him! I also had PND and found the routine of work helped me recover. Work provided a room for me to express, fridge etc, until I decided to stop BF when he was around 9 months old. I found the return to work much easier with a young baby than I did with my second who was 8 months when I returned. At 16 weeks, he bonded with his key worker happily and settled so much more quickly than a slightly older one.

@RabbitsEatPancakes Telling people it is cruel to go back or that they will miss out when they have young babies is not helpful. It is demonising working mothers and I think it is far more cruel to make this suggestion. There is enough 'mum guilt' tied up in having to make this decision already, without adding to the load by suggesting they are bad mothers for doing it and that their babies will suffer.

2 kids, I went back to work both times when they were 6 months (albeit in the UK, with more flexibility on working hours). It is totally manageable, and you won't be "pumping round the clock" - I pumped twice a day at work when baby would have been feeding / I needed to and kept up breastfeeding at home (both mine ebf until around 13 months) Not saying it's easy to juggle a tiny baby and a full time job, but wanted to reassure you that it is possible. We used a nursery for both kids (born 2 years apart) and it has been a wonderful and enriching experience for both of them.

I recommend a hands-free pump like elvie as its so much easier at work (I was actually able to pump and work on my laptop at the same time!)

@RabbitsEatPancakes well clearly you haven't done it, as your opinion is that it's 'horrifically cruel.'

Take it from a mum who did return to work when my baby was 12 weeks old. She was a happy, healthy child who has grown into a lovely, happy, well adjusted woman in her 30s. She has a great relationship with us, her parents.

You're wrong: we didn't miss out on her crawling/ walking/ talking etc because as parents we were always the primary carers and main influence. Oh and I bf her until she was two.

I'm not the exception: this is what thousands of mums did in the UK not that long ago. Year long mat leave is relatively new. And of course loads of countries have shorter Mat leave than the U.K... their children don't all grow up damaged because of it!

It's quite unpleasant to scare monger about something you have no first hand experience of. Just because you would relocate, get into debt etc to avoid returning to work, doesn't mean those who do return to work are doing something wrong.

Obviously it's doable, the Americans leave their babies at barely weeks old.

But I think it horrifically cruel to mother and baby. Working such long hours too you'll miss out on loads, baby will basically be weaned, learn to crawl/walk, talk, routine set by someone else. They're small just once and this is what sets them up for life- surely you want a parent to be the main influence rather than paid help.

I'd be downsizing/ relocating/ whatever I could to avoid it. I would take a loan if needed to give the company the payments back.

OP, I went back at 6 months and breastfed until 18 months, so you can do it as you will get into a routine. The main problem I see is the “log back in” at home - why do you have to do this?

I did it twice , it WAS tough . With my youngest dd, I BF her for 2 years , but went back to work at 6 months . So I used to bf her at night and the morning , then as soon as I got home and in the evening . I didn’t pump . She started solids around then I think …… I may have left a bottle of formula ( I do get that this will be an issue for you ) . As dd started solids , she needed less milk while I was away from her . I didn’t express because it was too exhausting , so I just fed her a lot when I was there . My supply adjusted v quickly .

Some countries are very generous with maternity leave; others, not so much. I work in academia and had to return early for a £15 million research project, as I was the PI. It was heartbreaking at first. It was a physical ache you can’t understand unless you've experienced it, but having someone I trusted at home with my child made all the difference. At first, I kept FaceTime on for hours, and then it became easier. All of a sudden, a new routine had emerged. It will be fine.
Find a good nanny.

I remember I was meant to go back when baby was 12 weeks. It was my first job and I was only 21 at the time so hadn’t been there long enough for the extended maternity leave. This was in 1998. I couldn’t have left my baby that tiny so I left my job, I’d only been eligible for SMP though and my job was fine but not worth prioritising over a baby for the pay I was getting. Partner was working and we managed.

I found a new job after baby was about 18mths and could work back to back shifts with partner.

It's definitely doable. I went back at 6 months to a full on job that included travel. I was also expressing but from 6 months we started mixing in tiny bits of formula (10%) and gradually increased it until I stopped expressing and she moved entirely to formula at 9 months.

I also dreaded going back but mostly the thought was worse than the reality.

It's hard but it's doable. I only got 13 weeks with each of mine. You will get in the routine of pumping at work etc and freeze milk so you have a small stockpile. That'll take a lot of the stress away.

Interview a lot of nannies or daycares and only go with one you love. Mine went to a Montessori daycare and thrived. Your DH will also have to be involved in logistics, especially if he works fewer hours.

Sitting down once a week to work the family schedule (even down to who's cooking dinner etc) is massively helpful.

You're absolutely not being ridiculous but it's doable. I went back at 6 months onto 12.5 hour shifts. I fed DC before I left for work, pumped on my way there, during my two breaks and then on my way home, then did a dream feed. My best recommendation is a hands free pump, that way you can still eat your lunch etc while pumping.

Lots of good advice already. You'll be okay, if you have to be.

A lot changes between 3 months and 6 months. I was still struggling with post birth pain at 3 months, but was okay by 6.

Pumping is a real nuisance at work. It's incredibly time consuming - you'll need 30min meeting reserved for the times that you need to pump.

I'd look into slightly early weaning, so you know your baby is eating well when you're at work. It's okay to wean at 4 or 5 months if they are sitting up well and showing interest in food. Judge uf your baby is ready, rather than waiting fir 6 months.

Try not to let anxiety about the return to work spoil the remaining half of your maternity leave.

I'd agree with all of this.