Is this a fair split?

If he was in your shoes, would he be considering not taking a job for the sake of your feelings? No, he didn't before! Go for it and tell him he has to be a Dad!

@halloweenqueen1919 i think you are trying not to inconvenience any of them but you can’t - this will bring changes they all have to get used to because you have to go forward with the job

Your DH will have to be the nominated parent that day and will have to take to and from school, feed them and be the one who takes time off if they are ill.

they are going to have to get used to 2/3 days a week doing some form of wraparound care because these costs are worth it and they are old enough to be able to cope (I assume)

I think the part that would make me pause is the 2 entire responsibility free days you end up with while he's constantly scrambling. Can you work full time as well? Can you flex your hours to drop the kids off in the morning and stay a bit later? Or maybe work 3 working days across 4 so you can do some of the school runs?

My husband and I both work full time and have two kids who have clubs every afternoon or evening between them. The whole schedule is a massive balancing act that falls apart whenever he travels for work so I understand trying to make sure it all makes sense.

After school club - I think here the fairest thing is for her to take the job, sort out breakfast club and after school club for 1 to 2 days a week with the Dad being in charge of pick and and drop offs for these (which means he can do his work hours easily)

I don't think it's as simple as making sure each of you "covers" three days each.
If one person is working full time and one part time, naturally the part time person should pick up more of the "life" stuff.

No one can look after children and work at the same time, so just because one of you is working at home doesn't mean you should do school pick up and childcare on those days.

@Tiswa what is ASC? Sorry I don’t know the acronym

No it is time they realised that they can’t work all this out the two of them - there are enough hours to fit in one working full time her out 3 days a week and adequately do childcare

adding in one or two days of ASC is the best way forward and should be done as soon as there is space with the DH covering until there is

does it occur to you that he’s able to contribute more financially because OP shouldered more of the house stuff for at least 2 yrs of maternity leave with 2 kids, let’s not even talk about day to day? It’s her turn now

I think he is saying that adding those extra hours will be harder to make up especially as I assume you are forgetting some of them will be at 4 onwards when you have been there and no longer are

plus as they get older colouring may not work - you need wraparound care for your new hours it is the effect of you taking the new job

I think that's totally fair and I wouldn't even think to do any extra on the weekend. Parents should work as a team and do whatever is needed to support the family. It makes sense for him to cover the three days. It can't always work out at 50/50

He's doing the majority of the wage earning hours and the majority (or at best equal) of the childcare. How much further should he step up? He's already doing more than his fair share!

Obviously they need to do what they need to do in order to facilitate working and earning and looking after the family. But currently is OP that isn't pulling her weight, not her DH.

Of course he feels there's a lot of pressure on him. He's carrying the family by doing the majority. Yes, naturally that places him under a lot of pressure,

OP, I think he's telling you he can do it, but he'd prefer that you were an equal partner. Ask yourself, would you like to be the one responsible for financially providing and full time work as well as doing over 50% of the childcare?

I think it has to be wrap around care - expecting someone who works full time to cover all of that is too much - drop off and pick up of said care and do dinner is fine but otherwise you are impacting his work too much which isn’t fair on anyone and could impact his job

@PeloMom i am all for stepping up but the OP is in effect proposing her work days are ring fenced and he has to fit all that into his full time work day (which given the OP said he is the main earner) isn’t fair and could lead to work based issues

wraparound care is the only real option

I think using wraparound care on the days you both work is fair, and then you can share drop off/pick ups. Unless your DH working hours are very flexible and he can make up the time later in the day.

Exactly, you’ll end up owing them hours from leave balance

@halloweenqueen1919 Unless i have missed something, if your DH works from home full time who would do the pick up from school at 3pm and look after the kids until your DH finishes work at 5/6pm?

Im assuming dropping them off at 8.30 and doing dinner wouldnt be an issue, im just wondering if he is supposed to pick them up and look after them as well as work.....cant see how that can work long term if that is the case tbh.

You’re better off NOT working Mondays as you get the BH back as extra leave. Otherwise, if you work them, you’ll get time deducted and end up with less holiday.

This is the sole reason I don’t work Mondays or Fridays. I work three days a week and have nearly 25 days holiday because of the BH allowance.

Meh the pressure on women is usually much higher and the dudes don’t really care as long as doesn’t impact them. Sure it would increase the pressure on him but so what? He needs to step up.

Him doing 3/5 childcare plus full time work is not equal to you doing 2/5 childcare and only working 2 days a week by a long shot.

You have 2 full free days to yourself as well as weekends. He has only weekends.

Generally the person working PT does so in order to cover childcare responsibilities. Is there any reason that you can't go back full time and equally share the burden of wage earning if he's doing full time work and more than half the childcare? I don't really understand the point of you being part time if the full time worker is still covering the majority of the childcare.

I think it’s ok to acknowledge that it is going to put more on him, but that’s life when both parents need/want to work. It doesn’t mean it’s not a reasonable decision for you to make.

Good to hear you’ve got options for after school care, if necessary.

When did everything become a 50/50 split down the middle? When I first read this, I thought you were separated.

Sorting kids and the house is a team effort; I know I don't always do my 50% and I know there are times when I do more than my 50%; we all play to our strengths.

I did the school run for 12+ months with my youngest,recently,no issues; I have the flexibility to do that with my job now. I didn't have that luxury with my oldest two as I was self-employed and out the door early.

15 years ago, my wife 100% pulled more weight around childcare than me, but she worked part-time where I was doing 60-70 hours per week.

Swings and roundabouts. If your jobs allow it, I don't see an issue with one parent doping slightly more.*

*as long as either party is not taking the utter piss.

Your husband has the worse deal here as for 60 % of his working days he has to sort kids whereas you have to do it on 0% of your working days. It would be better to use wraparound care and work out the split from there ie split the days or one do drop off and the other pick up.

You would be better off not working Mondays if only working three days a week. If you work PT you are only entitled to a percentage of BH not the full 8 and will have to cover some of the BH with AL if working a Monday. If you work Tuesday to Thursday you will still be entitled to BH on a pro rata basis and will get these days as additional leave.

I would not feel bad about having DH having to do the majority of the school run. I earn more than my H but do the majority of the childcare runs as my job offers more flexibility than his does. He does however have to cover school/nursery runs when I have to go to London for work on an ad hoc basis