To think that i would not choose them as friends?

Then you are in the wrong job

People are self~diagnosing off internet quizzes.

Staying with them when they irritate you so much is a bad idea.
Especially every week.

It's too much, for them as well as you. Utter Purgatory.

Buy a vehicle, like a camper van, and stay in that when you have to drive down South.

Sort your life out to accommodate your own needs? What on Earth. You don't like them but you stay with them once a week? This is bizaare

I don't even think it's possible to force yourself to like people. You either do or don't. Feelings can improve over time naturally, but you can't force it.

Also you need to let go of this WW3 worry. You live hours away from them! Who cares if they flip out because you've decided not to stay with them? What are they going to do? Nothing. You can only focus on your own actions and choices. If they feel upset, that's actually ok. Nothing bad is going to happen.

So what are the issues with simply looking for another job? Even if you took a pay cut it would make you financially better off it seems?

It’s very okay to not like them - but it’s not okay to mpret the your friends with them to save you money

So you’re staying with them THREE NIGHTS A WEEK

i mean you don’t have to be friends with them at all - but you are totally exploiting these people

Can’t believe a grown adult would choose to sleep on a sofa/chair in a house of people that seem very hard work. Pay for a travel lodge and step away, life is too short!

Both get new jobs near to where you now live? I am finding it hard to believe they enjoy putting up with you two every week - no offence but it’s very intrusive.

Just stop staying there and just be polite but not engage with them ever over anything. Slow drift!! Why bother.. it sounds like a huge amount of effort on your part for…??? Not much as I can tell. Deffo stop staying on their sofa and chair. I find this ridiculous for a grown adult tbh and frankly can’t work afford you a hotel?? Travel lodge really isn’t expensive and you’re buying food etc anyway so honestly I think it would cost you the same!!! Just let go of it all.

The solution is to buy a campervan and use that for overnight stays. There are plenty of free or cheap places to stay, stop inflicting yourselves on these poor sods every week!

You're not "discriminating" by deciding not to stay at someone's house. You know this.

I suspect that what's really causing the turmoil is that stress, resentment and hassle is all getting caught up in this one situation, with people you don't really like. Being hours away from where you work is undoubtedly creating a constant layer of stress. The logistics of bringing food, drink, bedding and towels to someone else's house every week must be a bloody pain in the arse, too. The cost of travel. Not being at home.

On top of that, you don't like these people. It's as simple as that. You're allowed to dislike people, or not particularly gel with them, not matter what disability or diagnosis they have.

I honestly think this resentment and acute feeling of unhappiness is building up because this situation as a whole is entirely untenable. Even if you loved these friends, I can't imagine it would be ideal for any of you to keep this going! And they are being put out by having you over once every week - having people in your house is an effort, even if you're not doing any extra housework for them. You must realise that.

Seriously you're going to have to find another way.

Then you either need to find a form of accommodation you can afford, but which doesn't involve you staying with people you don't like, or you need a new job. Or to move back closer to your office.

I know quite a few people who have weekly 'commutes' like this, and most of them live as 'not quite lodgers' in someone's spare room, paying a special cut-price rate on the basis that they'll only be there two nights a week or whatever. Or one friend had an arrangement with an off-season BnB that was usually closed to visitors, but appreciated a small regular income just for the use of a room.

You need to move or get a different job, OR look at your contract. If it says wfh, can they insist you go into the office? Other people here should be able to advise you on that.

This, they're probably having desperate conversations of 'how do we bloody stop this!!'

You don’t want to pay hotel fees but you don’t want to stay with people you don’t like either? What is it that you do want?

Lots of people have been caught out by being asked to return to the office after fully WFH. Are there any local jobs you can apply for @DonnyDoris?

Just because you were so judgemental about their diagnoses... Getting a diagnosis does tend to lead to less masking. That may be why the dad is being more himself around you. And the dreadful child, children with ADHD receive 10s of thousands more negative comments in their childhoods, leading to PDA, anxiety, depression and other awful things. Being judicious with criticism is important. Including when they do reckless and impulsive things like throw a phone.

Just make better arrangements and sort your working situation out. It's ridiculous to do this for three years. And yes, it's a massive imposition. So much, I wonder about a reverse.

They are not put out by you??? Are you fucking nuts.

They are providing a roof over your head. Take your food and your cooking to a local layby and see how well that suits you.

What you need to do is not stay with them at all and then you can have all the opinions you want about them

Why do you stay with them once a week if you’d need a hotel for three days?

Why does your husband sort of work there? Does he or doesn’t he? None of this really makes sense.

Your DH has slept on a chair over 150 times in the past three years. Why?

edited - cross posted but I’ll leave the comments there anyway.