I feel really conflicted about this - my nature is to accept people for who they are, what they are and not to judge, however peri meno seems to be making me increasingly less tolerant!!!
We have some friends - albeit more DH's friends than mine - who live in the village where we used to live. When we lived there we may have seen / socialised with them 1 / 2 times per month so not massively, although they were part of our lockdown bubble and i suppose it got a bit more frequent after that.
We moved house about 2.5 hours away 3 years ago, and honestly you would have thought the world had ended! Some very hurtful stuff was messaged to me by the wife, but I was told to let it all go because "that's just the way she is" - so I did, but it still niggles tbh.
Anyway, since the move, we've had to go back to the area a few times a week for my work and usually stay over at theirs 1 night per week - I can't deny that this is helpful for us financially as even a travelodge in the south is ££££, however on the occasions we don't stay there we get bloody chapter and verse on why would you camp / stay in a hotel / stay with other friends when you've got us??? To clarify though, I provide all the food and drink for when we stay - including alcohol, I cook, I take my own pillows and towels (they don't have a spare room so I sleep on the sofa and DH sleeps on a chair) - they literally are not put out by us.
I just find them sooooooooooooooooooo draining - the husband has recently been late diagnosed ADHD, and whilst he's always been a bit annoying, this seems to have massively increased since the diagnosis. The daughter has also been diagnosed ADHD which appears to have given her free reign to be a narcissistic spoiled entitled brat, but its ok "because ADHD" (a example from yesterday - she launched her almost brand new Iphone 14 in a temper, lost it in a field but that's fine because it's insured). The wife is depressed but wont seek help, gets medication from dodgy sources and goes round in a permanent state of negativity and hate.I've tried suggesting coping strategies / therapy / putting a positive spin on things, but it all falls on deaf ears because they are so stuck in their cycle they won't accept anything ..... DP is a super accepting understanding person adn really just sees it as an interesting scenario - he does get how I feel, but says I should change the way I feel as they can't change the way they are.
I honestly do completely get that all of these things must be so challenging to deal with and will totally mean that life will be nothing like it is for a neuro typical person, but I just find any time with them so draining - they are not even people I would choose for friends in the first place, so I really don't think it's their issues that cause me not to want to spend time with them - they are just not my people!
So....
AIBU - I should just fight my feelings and suck it all up because of their issues
AINBU - It's OK not to like people regardless of their issues