I end up hosting every year at Christmas. I don't enjoy it. Up until now, the reason has been that my husband's elderly mother and very elderly grandad came to us. Both frail and would otherwise have a bleak Christmas alone, so obviously we've willingly had them round ours. At times, my husband's sibling (who lives abroad) has come too.
Sadly, Mil and GFil both died this year. We will obviously miss their presence, especially my kids who naturally associate Christmas day with them being here. However, I do have to say that I was looking forward to not hosting for the first time in over 20 years. We were thinking of going to a restaurant so I wouldn't even have to cook and could spend my day relaxing and being with my kids.
However, my brother then said he'd love to join us with husband's wife and 3 kids. To stress, I obviously would love to see him at Christmas as usually he's with his inlaws at the other end of the country. And our kids all adore each other, very close in age etc, so it will be lovely for them and for me to see my nieces and nephew.
My sister is now annoyed that she's been left out 😩 every year, she goes to her inlaws and is doing the same this year. I assumed happily, but maybe not. Regardless, I can't stand the thought of cooking Christmas dinner and hosting my 4, my brother's 5, plus my sister's 6 (three adult children, one with fiancé). It's insanity. From past experience, my brother will contribute to the cost and help cook. My sister will not.
I've already offered to host everyone at mine at some point during brother's visit and do a buffet, possibly on boxing day.
Every single time my brother visits, I host everyone at mine and cook for everyone (something easy to bulk cook, like curry or chilli). My sister has never once hosted or invited me to do anything, I've never even been inside her house because she's weirdly private about it. Even when I've asked the address to drop (for example) her birthday gift off, she won't reply to me and just turns up on my doorstep!
I honestly feel like I do the most to facilitate everyone being together, she does the least, yet I'm a selfish cow for leaving her out.
I can't justify myself by saying that I didn't actually invite my brother, he invited himself, because that is mean to my brother and implies I don't want him here (not the case). I refuse to cook and host for that many so I'm not willing to extend the invite to her for Christmas dinner. Although she's welcome (as she's done most years previously) to come over for prosecco and croissants late morning to exchange gifts).
What's the solution here? I'm most annoyed that instead of saying directly that she upset with me, she's told the rest of the family that I've left her out and always do! Urgh.
Suggestions?