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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be a bit miffed I was passed over for promotion?

28 replies

PrincessOfPreschool · 21/11/2024 09:36

I work in a small team of 7. We have a manager and a deputy manager. The deputy, Sue, gave up her role as she wants less responsibility. Out of those who work there, I've been there the longest alongside Sue and the manager.

In a meeting last week all the staff were informed at the same time that Barbara will be our new deputy manager. Barbara joined a year ago and is very good at her job but had considerable time off in Jan last year (4 weeks) and recently has been off since mid Sept - back in Jan - after an op. We all work part time but guess who has had to cover most of Barbara's hours - for various reasons? Not something I wanted and I have found it difficult (at the same time as having some other challenges in my life - now resolved).

I feel miffed:
A. I wasn't asked if I want the job (I don't really but it would have been nice to be asked, particularly as a kind of thank you for doing so much extra in the past couple of months)
B. I feel like the manager and the deputy both think Barbara is better than me at the job despite huge amounts of time off (some beyond her control, though I have my suspicions) and despite me being consistent and going above and beyond in the past few months.
C. No one whispered a word of this to me and I was just told out of the blue at the same time as everyone else, who are all quite new, which feels a bit disrespectful to me.

AIBU to feel annoyed even though I didn't want the job and Barbara is very good and will do a good job? Trying to hold onto to that but still feel like it wasn't handled well.

OP posts:
Willsnbills · 21/11/2024 09:55

Why was the role not advertised? Surely the role needs to be advertised? And if not then internally advertise at least so you should’ve known their role was up for grabs. Surely she needed to interview for the role!?

GCAcademic · 21/11/2024 09:53

What sort of tinpot organisation is this? Surely when a role becomes vacant it should be advertised and a proper process should take place? I would hate to work somewhere that simply announced a replacement without any sort of process. I'd be looking for a job elsewhere.

Having said that, YABVU to cast doubt on someone's ability because they had time off for an operation. I'm glad that my colleagues weren't like you when I had to have time off for major surgery, and that my employer didn't hold it against me when it came to reward and promotion.

Arlanymor · 21/11/2024 09:44

To take each point you make:

A. I wasn't asked if I want the job (I don't really but it would have been nice to be asked, particularly as a kind of thank you for doing so much extra in the past couple of months) - this is conflicting, you either want it or you don't, being thanked for extra effort is a separate issue. If you are frustrated because no one has acknowledged that you have gone the extra mile then you need to deal with that separately - so raise it with management. If you don't want the job then it's unreasonable to expect to be offered it - maybe it comes across that you wouldn't ever want to do the role in other ways?

B. I feel like the manager and the deputy both think Barbara is better than me at the job despite huge amounts of time off (some beyond her control, though I have my suspicions) and despite me being consistent and going above and beyond in the past few months - I don't like this "I have my suspicions" line, this is the kind of thinking that festers resentment in the workplace. If she has been given some time off (huge amounts as you say) then presumably it was all above board and something that was needed. You need to not conflate her absence with her ability to the role, that's simply not fair - would you like someone judging you because of time away from work? Honestly, think about it.

C. No one whispered a word of this to me and I was just told out of the blue at the same time as everyone else, who are all quite new, which feels a bit disrespectful to me - I don't think it's disrespectful to tell people all at the same time, but I do think it's not on to just tell everyone out of the blue and to not have some other conversations leading up to the appointment. I get that you might feel a bit taken aback and that is fair enough, but you don't get to know details ahead of other people just because of your length of service. Maybe in terms of seniority - that's a thing - but not length of service.

I'm not trying to be unsympathetic, I just feel that you are letting lots of issues join together in response to this announcement and you're conflating things because you are annoyed. I think it's better to unpick the elements of your frustration and deal with those in isolation. Maybe this news has made you realise that actually you do want to progress further in your role? I would try and turn this all into a positive - unpick what you are unhappy with, deal with those aspects and maybe use this experience as a spur to make changes that you make you happier in your career overall? And don't blame Barbara (I'm not saying that you would do) because they clearly think she is up to it and I would imagine she was probably proactive and approached them when she knew that the role was up for grabs, and you've got to give her kudos for that.