To expect parents in mid '70's to host Christmas with very young children?

To be fair the OP is not the daughter who’s been unreasonably and given the parents considerable stress over the past 25 years or so.

I'm from an Indian background. I took over hosting Christmas for my family over the last 3 years since we arrived back to the UK, because we also have a single parent in the family and it was easier for me to host vs my parents.

But as neither you nor your brother are offering to host her and your parents this Christmas I do wonder about your motivations. This will probably be the first Christmas where her eldest child would truly understand the 'magic' of it. Your sister is probably excited by that and wants to share it with her parents (as I presume you have done so already with your kids). All of her suggestions - eating out, eating ready meals / easy meals - are fair.

needs a fuckin good slap.

This person is one of your champions, OP.

You just want to exclude your sister and her to be on her own with 2 young children awful behaviour you invite your parents but extend it to your parents and sister not leave her out. Awful behaviour.

My parents died some time ago OP and the my younger brother last year.
I invite everyone even though I'm disabled and it's a struggle. I don't get on with my sister but the thought of her and her miserable husband and critical MIL eating on their own made me.
I believe in the saying guests are like fish, the go off after two days!
At least your sister can afford to bring some Marks food. Buy it all in I say. Write a list and tell what she is bringing.
Successful business people are usually difficult. It's probably her armour.
You don't have to be besties but I can tell you if you cause a hoohah you'll regret it when your parents are no longer here.
Joy to the world and all man (sister) kind.

Are you sure your parents are not in fact happy she’s visiting? I know mine get tired when I stay over with my kids because it involves a lot more activity than normal for them. But they love spending time with their grandchildren and wouldn’t have it any other way. Perhaps your parents are the same.

Unless your parents complained to you about your sister visiting, don’t get involved.

Hey, it was my comment. Credit where it's due, please.

And if you understood it, perhaps you can think about it.

Hi OP,
I don't think your initial posts came across great but with your updates I also get it because I have a very difficult sibling too who has made my mum's life hell and who we've all had to walk on eggshells about their whole life. So I understand how it strains all relationships, and how their 'happiness' is often at the expense of others. And also how impossible it would be to explain the effect they have on our family in a post!

If you have quite an open relationship with your parents ask them what they'd honestly prefer to do. Maybe bring it up one day then let them think on it and bring it up again a few days later. Understandably they might want to see their daughter and grandchildren, but perhaps for a shorter length of time? Then work out some way to facilitate what they want.

if she did have a major problem, I'd be there for her

But when she wants to spend Christmas with family, she can bog off? You'll actively seek to get her excluded?

If what you say is true, she has already had numerous major problems; work, end of the relationship with her children's father/s etc. But rather than being there for her, you just blame her for them (I still want to know what "single by choice" means and why it matters). Hell, it was apparently her failing that her 5 month old was fractious...

I think you're weaponising your parents for whatever vendetta you have against her. Maybe she has done you some terrible wrong and doesn't deserve a relationship with you, but leave your parents out of it and just let them decide for themselves what they want to do. You probably wouldn't appreciate them trying to control your relationship with her for your own good.

I think PP are just puzzled about the fractious baby issue, when, presumably, you used to go and stay with your mother with your own fractious babies. Of course she was younger then, but that can't be helped - it's just a function of you being the older sister.

What's the solution OP. Seriously what do you want? I can appreciate that no solution is ideal but the scenario that you like best is what?

That your sister spends Christmas alone with her small children? While you have a lovely family Christmas? That cannot be right can it?

Whatever your issues with your sister, it's a horrible, mean attitude. She's your sister and they are your nieces.

I think YABU. It's their call and also, my mum is 70 and "hosts" my family with young DC for Christmas, but I do all of the cooking and prep for Christmas dinner, present wrapping and arranging etc, and I do things like walk her dog.

Just because your sister and her DC are coming to your parents, doesn't mean she's going to be expecting to be waited on and properly hosted.

I don't know why, if she's single, you'd begrudge her wanting to spend time with her parents at Christmas. It's also a bit weird how you say "invited herself". I have tense relations with some of my siblings, but IMO that's what Christmas is about. About making amends and valuing family.

A visit in your parents own home might well be less tiring than a 5 day visit in someone else's house.

This
Also, you seem to be judgemental of the fact your sister is single.
As it's only for afew days and would man alot to your parents and sister, I think you should leave it.
May I ask why you or your brother can't host XMAS?
Xmas can be an incredibly difficult time for many people, best to try and minimise the loneliness erc as much as possible

Don't worry. You don't come across as detached or clinical.

The parents' house is small. This problem seems to be as much about distances and accommodation size as the black sheep sister. OP needs to start working on xmas 2025, because, without an accommodation booking or an extension, they'll have the same problem every year.

I’ve got a difficult brother who also struggles to keep relationships sweet both personally and professionally. There’s a lot he’s gets wrong, but ultimately he is my brother and my responsibility because I love him, even if he can be a difficult sod, he is ours.
I’d never want him to be left out of a family occasion. Maybe he won’t ever change, but I’ll continue to love him and include him always. Family is family, he ain’t heavy and all that.
The real meaning of Christmas is to extend kindness and love, especially so with difficult people as they need it the most.

We always used to go to my FIL's home for Xmas and he did most of the cooking.
Once he was older my DH took over the cooking (with DSIL and I covering some of it) but we still went to FIL's home because he liked everyone to gather there. We just cooked there but it was a bit of a pain as we had to often pop home if had forgotten something. Some of FIL's cooking equipment was a bit rubbish.
Could you and/or your DB go too and do most of the cooking?

My in laws are similar age as your parents and in very good health. They do get more tired when they are outside of their usual surroundings (typically they only do overnight visits to family)even if there are no kids involved. I believe travel does get a bit harder as you get older even if it’s to your own kids and you’re fully catered to. Last year we had to go to a wedding for a couple of days with them and by the third day my FIL looked liked he’ll keel over and won't make it till the end of the week. Within a couple of days of getting back home he looked like a completely different person.

Oh dear, that went right over your head, didn't it?

OP....as you've said you haven't written this post well, but I for one know where you're at and
it's hard for anyone to understand how you feel unless they're living/lived it.

Unfortunately there's not a lot you can do regarding your Dsis, while your parents are on this earth.
In my case it was the parents burying their heads in the sand, bowing down, putting up with siblings behaviour hoping it'll lead to a quiet life, there was no "quiet life" and they never owned up to it to sibling, but they knew in their hearts it was true, they told me enough times. They regret enabling siblings entitlement in being the one that was to be tip toed around, included in everything but never made/asked to help/contribute anything.

Now pretty much alone sibling has few friends, they've all got fed up with listening and know to well "the other side of the story", unlike yours though they feels it's not their place to work and we refuse to fill parents shies in stumping up for them, which didn't go down to well

And to the person that said something along the lines of commenting that no parent would admit their DC wouldn't be a good parent in the future mine did, years later regarding sibling, exact words to me were "their ex was a waste of space but then they were no better themselves"

But...answing your question can you have Christmas at your parents this year, do the helping out/catering but you and yours book a hotel, doesn't have to be high spec, just somewhere to rest your head and to get away to in the evenings and have time as a family alone.