To expect parents in mid '70's to host Christmas with very young children?

Could you suggest that your sister comes you your house and your parent go to your brothers this year and next year you swap?

Parents get looked after, sister gets company, no one is too cramped that way.

Equally if you said it’s their decision and they are of sound mind… why your post? If they’ve said what they want to do just go with what ever that is

I can see why your parents would rather host your sister, than go to either yours or your brother’s house which excludes her. I would be devastated if any of my children left another out like that at Christmas.

I think the problem is you don’t want your sister and her children there. Most people regardless of age feel exhausted hosting Christmas. I’d leave it to your parents to decide.

Ah I see. So you want to exclude your sister completely from a family Christmas. I can see why you did not want to make that fully clear in your OP. It’s pretty nasty. What did your sister do to deserve being shut out?

Perhaps your parents would find it more tiring to travel to yours for the day, and spend it with numerous rowdy grandchildren and then go home again?
Perhaps they would like to see your sister's children on Christmas Day?
Perhaps they don't want their daughter spending Christmas Day away from family?
Perhaps they feel your sister could do with a rest?
Perhaps they don't mind being a bit tired, and having an excuse not to have to do stuff with friends?
Perhaps they enjoy it and don't get tired and like an excuse not to have to do other stuff?
You haven't said what your parents have told you - only what you've heard back from a friend.

Excellent post.

Could you and your brother do all the heavy lifting at your parents house so they can still host all their DCs including your sister?
Or you and/or your brother stay in a hotel near your dps as to make it a bit less crowded and intense for the duration of the stay?

It seems like you're working on an agenda of leaving your sister out and fitting solutions to that agenda instead of exploring other options to make it easier for your parents to host everyone in their home.

@Birminghamx i think you know what the op means, but to clarify why don’t you and your family join your sister at your parents?

it also seems from your post you only invited your parents when they came to you and your sister wasn’t invited

Your posts also indicate to me you don’t like your sister much. Christmas is a time for families, why should she spend time with others in her ‘active social group’ when her parents are around?why should her parents come to you/her brother but she’s excluded? Your parents have said yes so it’s up to them

I wish I understood this, but I don't.

However what I will say from experience is that there is a big difference between a 'fractious baby' and that same child a year later. And small children just are exhausting, it goes with the territory; but it's always lovely to see them.

I think this is the case, and they want to butt in and stop the sister going to her parents, too.

This puts a different colour on things, because what you’re actually suggesting is that you and / or your brother get together with your parents for a cosy family Christmas while your sister - a single parent with two small children - is left to fend for herself. That’s very cold and it’s not remotely surprising that your parents’ preference is to have their daughter and her children stay with them rather than leave her alone at Christmas.

Your sister having an active social group is irrelevant. People like to be with family at Christmas, and it rather sounds like you’ve thrown this comment in to make it look less bad that you’re trying to exclude your sister.

Your framing of the problem essentially means your sister never gets another family Christmas while your parents are alive. I expect your parents like having their daughter and grandchildren for Christmas even if it is tiring, especially if the alternative is never seeing her at Christmas again for as long as they live.

I find hosting people for Christmas very tiring but I still love it and choose to do it. There will come a time when your parents simply can’t do that any more, but while they can it’s not for you to interfere in their arrangements.

You describe your sister as difficult but your attitude towards her over this is pretty brutal.

So you host parents and sister for Xmas and DB can have them for New year problem solved

I can completely understand why your parents don't want to leave your sister and her kids out of a family celebration at Christmas. I don't think asking her to find some other family to host her is the winning solution here and you need to go back to the drawing board and find a way to include her if you want your parents to come.

I feel sorry for your sister. You don’t sound very nice at all. Why should she spend Christmas on her own without support from her parents. They can say no. It’s none of your business. Maybe go back to your 2.2 family, big house and get on with your big, wonderful Xmas…and the single by choice, with a too small flat can get a bit of help from what seems like the only nice family she has. Intervene ? FFS!

Of course not - you take your DC with you!

Or are you one of these people that's extremely insistent that you must always spend Christmas day at home?

In which case, why don't you invite your sister to yours?

So, both you and your brother have invited your parents to stay with you for Xmas, but neither of you are inviting your sister, is that a basic summary, @Birminghamx ?

Well, you are suggesting that your parents leave one of their children…

But no, I was suggesting that your whole family go. Have your parents downsized from the house you grew up in, is there not room for you all?

It appears that you don’t like your sister much.

Mid 70s is a bit of a red herring - some people in mid 70s are sprightly and full of energy, some people in their mid 40s would be knackered by hosting kids and a baby. My mid 70s parents will host all their kids + partners and grandkids this Christmas (9 people in total) - I'm sure they will be tired but they also wouldn't have it any other way.
I hear what you're saying about you difficult sister getting her way more and why that's frustrating, but ultimately I think any intervention you try to make here will be counter productive. In the future I would suggest getting in early with the arrangements you want to make, and also consider trying to include your sister even if you're hosting because it would be tough for her to be on her own with two young kids at Christmas.

😳😳😳😳

Your sister has a brother and sister problem.

Also, do you know first hand that your Mum was bothered that she felt a bit too tired to spend time with her friends after Christmas? Maybe she wasn’t all that fussed about the plans anyway, and perhaps she really enjoyed the chance to spend time with her daughter and grandchildren so saw the tiredness as worth it. Maybe she caught up with her friends at a quieter time in January, given they’d all be retired anyway so less pressure to meet during the festive season.

Can we recap?

3 years ago your brother hosted you, your kids and your parents. You say neither you nor your brother has space for sister and parents to stay, so was sister not invited? (She’d only have had one child then)

2 years ago you hosted your brother, his kids and your parents- same question.

Last year, your sister and her kids joined your parents at their home. What did you, your brother and your kids do then?

This year, are you proposing that you revert to the same arrangement as 2/3 years ago? Where does this leave your sister?

I’m deeply uncomfortable with your snarky “invited herself” phrasing as regards your sister going to stay with her Mum and Dad over Christmas. Your parents sound like they have the mental capacity to discuss the visit sensibly with her, and nobody thinks of family get together as requiring a formal invitation.

I think they are probably right that your sister could do with the support. Don’t you and your brother have in-laws that you need to alternate with anyway?

Why doesn’t one of you join your sister at your parents’ and help out a bit?