To expect parents in mid '70's to host Christmas with very young children?

Last year's 5mo and 2yr olds will now be nearly 1.5 and 3 and I am sure sleeping better than they were last year. I wouldn't assume that it will be as tiring as last year. And your sister seems pretty open to it being relaxed and no-frills in terms of hosting.

Yes to this question ^
So basically you don’t want your parents to invite your sister for Christmas because you think it might be tiring for them. In a way I understand your concern as some parents tends to be martyrs and exhaust themselves but if it’s the case it’s not your sister’s fault. The Christmas stay could be exhausting even for a 30 y.o. host - it depends on planning. A visit of your daughter with grandkids could be very relaxing and a low key event. So I think you are unreasonable to think that it’s such a bad idea at your parents age,

And lol at single by choice …
Dont get me even start on this. My sister was single “by choice” for some time when she divorced with her cheating and drinking husband so I know about these sort of choices.

Yes I do think you’re completely unreasonable to judge your sister for wanting to spend time with her parents. Your post talks about hosting as if it’s a huge burden or favour, but most of us spend time with our family because we want to hang out and enjoy a few days off together. It’s really nice that your parents want to do this with their daughter and have that relationship, particularly as . You sound very judgemental of your sister, she doesn’t need to be punished because she’s single, even if by choice, and can’t return the hosting. It’s also quite unkind not to think of your sister and think gosh she has a 5 month old baby, is probably sleep deprived and has a 2yo an age known for difficult behaviour.

I think you might want to reflect how you come across in the post as if this is what you’re saying in real life it will be difficult to be heard by your parents.

I might have misunderstood, it reads as though you and your brother hosted your parents in turn, the siblings haven’t hosted each other. So for two years your parents spent time with you and your brother and your children, why shouldn’t your sister have a year in turn as well, and why not two with such young children? Your parents might really love Christmas with that age children. I’d say their age is even more reason they might want to enjoy time with their littlest grandchildren.

All I'm getting from this post is that you and your brother think you are above your sister in more ways than one. Oh don't we have our lives together, aren't our kids great not like sister and her horrible children. Nice view up there on your high horse ?

I think you have to accept that you’re not in a position to resolve this. You can help your parents by taking hosting duties off their plate if you or your brother are willing to host your sister. If you can’t or won’t do that because you’re prioritising in laws or other commitments every time, then you don’t have a solution. You’re just asking your sister to forego family christmasses for the remainder of your parents’ lives because that’s more convenient for you and facilitates you having the day you want. It’s not a reasonable expectation of your sister, it doesn’t solve the problem and it’s not what your parents want.

There is nothing for you to do here. Your healthy, sound of mind parents have decided what they want to do. You don’t have to agree that it’s the best thing for them but you can’t wade in and start demanding that your sister be excluded from Christmas when you can’t or won’t offer a solution which supports her too.

Well you haven't kept your question simple, because you didn't actually explain the situation properly. You didn't even state in your OP that your sister invited herself to your parent's house. That's pretty important information.

It is quite possible that your parents would rather spend the day in their own home with their daughter and grandchildren than at your or your brother’s house, making small talk with the in-laws?

You talk about tiring, but it’s pretty tiring having to pack, travel, sleep in someone else’s house and be a guest on best behaviour with people from outside the nuclear family.

Whereas staying at home, having grandkids there but with their Mum doing most of the childcare, only cooking for 3 adults and having your daughter available to help with the food too- sounds much more relaxing.

Well if you and DB who are not single by choice alternate with your in laws every year you have parents and sister this year he has them next year.

Your sister is a single parent and obviously wants her kids to be with family on Christmas. Her 'social circle' is not the same - Christmas is a family day, I would imagine she could easily find company for new year and so that offer isn't an equivalent.
If you don't want her to accept your parents invitation (implied if not explicit) to their house then you need to invite her (and your parents) to one of yours.

You want to have a lovely family Christmas with everyone BUT your difficult and demanding sister and her annoying children. As a single parent she is expected to be alone for Christmas so you can host? Seriously how unkind do you have to be. Your update actually is more brutal than that, because you clearly do not like her.

Your poor parents.
Stop making them choose!
They undoubtedly love all of their children and grandchildren, and you sound difficult and insufferable yourself.

Think this is the crux of it all

Also....did you ask your mother why she cancelled whatever 'activities' she'd planned last year?? Or just assuming from what other people had said..

Is anyone else really hoping that the sister wins a substantial sum of money and buys herself a really lovely cottage (perhaps a bit like the one in ‘The Holiday’, with Jude Law hanging around?) so that she can then host a gorgeous scenic Christmas for herself and her DPs?

Under the thin guise of looking after your parents you seem to want her to be kept firmly on the outside at Christmas time, with her nose pressed up against the window of the proper family life that you and your DB exemplify.

Agree you don’t seem to like your sister who is ‘single by choice’ and only lives in a small home.

This.

What you are actually doing is trying to force your parents to choose you over your sister which is just awful.

I think I’m struggling to understand your post so forgive me if I am wrong but are you suggesting you un-invite your single parent sister to Christmas because her very young baby was unsettled on Christmas Day last time? She stayed at your parents with her young children and your parents found that tiring so the decision this year is to exclude your sister and her 2 children while you have a big family Christmas?

So you want your parents to go to you or your brothers and your sister isn't invited to either. So you want your single sister to spend Christmas alone with her young children? Have I got that right?

If so that's vile

I think your brother and you think you have set up a system but neither your sister nor your parents signed up to it.

If you really want to help your parents, the best thing you could do is invite your sister to yours.

I think the needing to rest afterwards is a red herring. I'm in my 40s and get easily exhausted as I get regular migraines. I still enjoy a big family get together.

A few days rest is nothing in the scheme of things - they will have been looking forward to it for months.

It's lovely they want to host everyone - I have PIL who never want to see anyone and it's really sad.

Yes family can be annoying but that's life. Why don't you go for a shorter visit?

I can see your point OP, but can't really see how you'd say all this without causing upset.

Ultimately, it's up to your parents to decide how much they can or can't handle, and to use their own words to your sister accordingly.

I notice you don't offer an alternative. Why can't you or your brother host this year as well? It's not a "well, I hosted once, 3 years ago, so that's my hosting duties done!" You said that your sister isn't in a position to host, which is fair enough, so it's up to you and your brother if your parents really aren't up to it any more.
It's the same with my sister and I. I've got the bigger, more accessible home, in terms of getting to, parking etc, and just have more emotional/practical capacity to host than she does. The likelihood of her ever being in a position to host is slim to none, so I do it. It's just the way it is in families.

Sorry, but I think YABU.

Doesn’t sound like OP is spending Christmas with her brother. I may of read it wrong but it sounds like the parents are invited to both houses and can pick one

It also feels like there are solutions here which don’t require your sister to be excluded. Like you and your family (or your brother and his) also visiting your parents and doing the work, but from their house. Or your parents going to one of you or your brother, and your sister and her kids going to the other. If this is really about looking after parents and not about finding an excuse for excluding your sister, then focus on options like these.

I think you under estimate how hard it is for your sister. They're her only option and of course she wants family around at Christmas time. You have your dh and are in no place to judge.

I don’t get why you couldn’t host your parents and your sister?

if it’s down to space, could parents not stay in a hotel as they do when they go to sister?