To expect parents in mid '70's to host Christmas with very young children?

I also wonder what you mean when you say your sister is single by choice?

Did she have children via the sperm donor route?

Or did she ditch the father of her children because he was useless/for other reasons that probably haven't been disclosed to you?

So, as your sister has an active social life (🤷🏻‍♀️) you want her to go to see her friends at Christmas and what? Your parents either go to you or your brothers? Do you go to? So you’d effectively all be together as a family, but sister with her friends??

Mid 70's isn't that old at all these days

So why don't you like your sister ?

Do you and your brother both have your in laws to stay for the whole Christmas ever year?

This doesn't make any sense.

How would you or your brother have your parents round to yours then? If neither of you can even make space for 1 adult?

You're just trying to come up with excuses to exclude the sister in all possible circumstances.

Here's another idea - invite your parents and see if you can find a small holiday cottage or airbnb near you where your sister and her kids could stay. You and your brother could offer to split the cost with your sister.

I don’t know why I find this post/the situation so confusing 🙈 Do you not all get together at one house and take it in turns some years and help each other?
So if your parents go to your brothers, do you go and your sister too? Same if it’s at your mum and dads or at yours, does everyone come to you??

So your parents aren't hosting? Can you and your brother pay for a hotel room for your sister? You don't seem to like her and hardly see her as it is?

I am in my 70s and would find it tiring to host Christmas to a young family like that. However, I would enjoy it so much, even though I might have to cancel any other socialising for a few days to recover afterwards. It is their decision, don't interfere.

Yabu. Your parents can do what they want for Christmas. If they don't want your dsis to visit, they can say that they've already made other plans. You and your DB should keep your beaks out.

I've not read full thread just OP's posts

It sounds like you don't have a great relationship with your sister due to her behaviour and have a good relationship with your brother

However, how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot and your brother and sister arranged Christmas day with your parents and you weren't welcome?

The children are older now than last year and may be more manageable, the older one will be able to go off and play with the older kids, it will just be the toddle. It won't be as exhausting for parents, and the rest of the family can hep keep the LO's amused.

But, I would be having a stern word with sister about how her behaviour will not be tolerated and that you want no drama, and that her children are her responsibility and not to be palmed off on the grandparents. This conversation may lead to her saying sod you i'll do Christmas myself and then problem solved

Sounds like you are deliberately trying to isolate your sister. I appreciate there is a backstory but you really need to butt out.

I think your parents are old enough to decide for themselves. If you are interested in their welfare, i would suggest to them that they don't make plans for the few days after Christmas, so they can recover from the whirlwind that Christmas will be.

You can concentrate on your in-laws as can your brother. Then one of you can invite parents next year, the other can invite them the year after, and ... your sister can go whistle? lovely.

I’ve just seen your update op - you are getting abit of a hard time, but I sense you are just trying to look out for your parents. You said your sister is difficult & demanding, you’ve probably had years of this behaviour and find it frustrating, which is showing in how you write about her. I get it - but your parents have made their decision. They are not going to tell their daughter ‘ no, we don’t want you or the kids here again this year because we found it tiring last year ‘

I’m not sure many parents would.

At least your parents are in their own home, that’s a comfort, also, the children are another year older, the youngest was a baby last year. It sounds like your sister needed the support.

I think it’s lovely the gps get to spend time with their grandchildren and vice versa.

My mum loves having a full house at Christmas, but it knackers her out. She wouldn’t change it for anything though. Your parents would feel ten times worse, if they felt their dd and gc were on their own.

I would honestly just leave it. Your mum & dad are the ones that need to speak up if things are getting too much on the day. It’s not up to you or your brother to try and resolve.

Share the work. If your sister is staying with two small kids at your parents' place, why don't you and your brother's families come for Christmas Day and bring all the food, prepared in advance, clear up afterwards then invite your sister to come back with you in the evening (or next day if you are all staying over) so the cousins can play together on Boxing Day.

YABU. She’s single with two kids. Imagine how hard that is. I imagine she needs a break. Your parents are grown ups and capable of making their own decisions, it’s not up to you. Perhaps try and be more supportive and think of ways you can step up to support your mum and dad so they are less exhausted when you all leave?

I think you should keep your nose out and let them get on with it.

This comes over as you not wanting to invite your sister and not wanting your parents to have her over either. She's a single mum with two young kids, YABU

Ugh. It sounds like your sister is difficult but so are you! Your attitude of her being a single parent "unlike us" and living in a small place, she's very much beneath you isn't she? So you're suggesting you exclude her from your family Christmas celebrations because she has children being children.

You mention that you have in laws also to accommodate, which obviously she doesn't but that presumably means she doesn't have any other family to accommodate her, and expect her friends to step in.

You want her to spend Christmas on her own with 2 very young kids because having them around your more traditional families isn't "restful". Sigh

Well exactly. It's either that or neither of them have room for the parents or sister but they also don't want parents and sister to spend Christmas with each other. Neither option looks very good.

Ah the season of love, goodwill and forgiveness encapsulated in a single heart warming post. How lovely.

YANBU to want to help your parents and reduce the strain on them.

YABU to think the best way of helping is to cut out your sister. You say you and DB have ILs to think about - why don’t you take it in turns, so this year you host your DPs and DSis, then next year you have your ILs and your DB has your family. Most families alternate Xmas with ILs.

if you want a relationship with your nieces, the way to ensuring that is to include their mum in your Xmas plans - you can’t expect a positive relationship down the line if you exclude them all from your family Xmas!

my general advice is: do not intervene. You will cause lasting bad feeling one way or another. When there is fall out it can fall where you least expect it and does most damage.

You haven’t explained whether you, your brothers and parents live close enough to each other to host dinner or other occasion to share the hosting.

You could assist your parents by taking them a lasagne and a fish pie (or whatever you cook between now and Christmas) to put in the freezer to help with the hosting.

Would your sister be on her own if she didn’t go to your parents?

The baby will be older this year and the other one 3, far more biddable than 2 year olds.

Grandparents frequently exhaust themselves for the pleasure of spending time with their grandchildren.

OP, invite your parents.
Forget about your difficult sister.
Let your parents decide for themselves what they want to do.
You have invited them and can do no more.
With people like your sister be wary of being too involved with her children as she may use them to try to control/manipulate you.
Unfortunately she will not change.
Back away and protect yourself.

Your parents will have to make their own choices.

We want to stay as close as possible to our nieces as well as we think they'll have a difficult time in their teenage years (she's a very good mother while they are so young).@Birminghamx

What does this even mean? Why will they have a difficult time in their teenage years?

You're coming across as extremely judgemental, it's positively leaking out of you!